The Curse of the Rat
by Lucy The Lightless
Summary: The story of Kanae, a Sohma child born on the fringes of the Family's curse. Free to live and love outside the walls, but still, she is bound by the curse that passed her by, and yet left her as trapped as any of the Zodiac.
1. The Curse

(A/N) This story centers around an OC who is also a member of the Sohma family and it focuses on her experiences and relationships and how they too are not untainted by the Sohma curse.

* * *

As a member of the Sohma family, I am expected to be, in every way; Excellent. Good grades, perfect manners and a flawless presentation. We are upper-class. An old and long-standing family. Bound by tradition, and social mandate; and by a curse. When I was very young, it was just a legend. The whisper at the new year's banquet; that the spirits of the zodiac are passed down, symbolically, As I was told. After each member died, the next child conceived takes their place. Then, they and their family are showered with money and high-status. The ones born too early, or too late, or not at all, tossed outside the walls, and led to believe that it is nothing but a symbolic tradition.

Until the day, I finally met, my half brother.

We were conceived through the same motivation. The previous rat's health was declining, so the pressure to have children was heightened. The men, taking up any woman wanting the status.

It was the first new years celebration I fully remember. I was probably about six. My foster mother, Misaki, brought me. She was very tense, and her smile painted. Only now do I understand why.

Before the members of the Zodiac go to their special banquet, they mingle with the rest of the extended family. Misaki pointed out each one, telling me which animal they represented.

"...and that tall young man with the dark hair over one eye...he's the dragon. Hatori. Can you say his name?"

"Hatori." She still treated me like a toddler at times. But she drilled me, making sure I knew all their names.

"And that's Yuki."

"Yuki. He looks like me!" A child's discovery. I knew my silver hair and eyes was uncommon among the dark haired population.

"Yes, yes he does." Then she left me with the other Outside children to exude pleasantries with our relatives.

The rat. He was small. Delicate and wispy looking to me. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. He's always had that quality about him. He was rare. Like a piece of art, or a flower. You wanted to behold him.

I was too young to know that staring was rude, so that's probably why I was the only one to notice him slip away from the crowd.

"Yuki-san?" I caught him in an outside corridor.

His eyes widened in fear when he saw me. "I-I'm not supposed to talk to you- Okaa-san will get mad!"

I tilted my head to the side. Silver curls begging to be free from their clips. "Why?"

"I-I don't know." He spoke so quietly, and carefully.

"Then why? You look like me. Do you know why?" I somehow knew it wasn't a coincidence. I knew that there was something important and heavy weighing in the air.

"Please- leave me alone. D-don't get any closer!"

"Why?" I began to take more tentative steps towards him, pursuing him in his retreat. He was swift, but weighed down by his heavy traditional kimono. I didn't want to accept that fear on his face. "Wait!" I ran, grabbing hold of his kimono, and simultaneously tripping on mine. For a split second, he cried out, before he seemed to be consumed by smoke and clothing. "Huh?" I held in my hands, empty robes. And sure enough, a small silver rat squirmed out. Scampering away.

"The...rat?" It wasn't a shock. It made sense, he was after all, the Rat of the Zodiac.

"What the hell is going on here? Yuki?" I tuned to see a slender platinum-haired woman storm in; his mother. "What did you do? Worthless child!?" She grabbed me by my collar. Holding me up so forcefully, I wanted to cry.

"I-I didn't mean to-" She slapped me. So hard that I saw spots. She let me fall dazed to ground. It was all I could do to run away. Convinced I had done something horribly wrong.

Misaki found me the next morning. Near the wall. She told me later, that there was also a white haired boy there too. It was dark, but she thought that it was the Ox boy, Hatsuharu.

Needless to say, we didn't go to another new years party for quite some time.

* * *

We were moved into a house on the "inside" but still very far from the main house. Misaki had known all along, my discovery of the true nature of the curse sealed our place there.

Around the time of my 8th birthday, Misaki surprised me with signing me up for karate lessons at the Sohma Dojo.

"It'll be fun! You've always been very active! This will help you channel all your energy! Plus you can do it with all your friends." 'Friends' was a very generous term. The Sohma children that I spent time with all thought I was weird. Quiet and brooding. Always saying weird things at random times. "Also, you can meet some of the Zodiac children who also go there!"

"Does- does Yuki go there?"

"Yes!"

"Mom! Don't you remember what happened last time I saw him?"

"I do, but you don't need to worry. They go to certain measures to avoid, _discovery_."

"I still don't get why it's such a big deal. They turn into animals. Big whoop."

Misaki has always been gracious and understanding with me.

"I thought that you'd understand, Kane-chan."

"I guess, I mean, people might be shocked. But, it's still strange."

"I'm sure that with a mind like yours, you'll understand it even better than I do, someday." She patted me on the head.

"Okay."

* * *

I was taken to Kazuma-sensei's dojo the next week. I got my uniform and began with the other beginners. I took to it quickly, always being a fast learner. Over the months I gained many new "Friends". Girls that I sat with during breaks and talked with about simple things. That was where I first met Kagura, the Boar. Sparring partners by gender as one of their precautions. Spars at such a low level normally never resulted in much, unless you were against Kagura. Kazuma-sensei always seemed to know best. A careful man who did everything by design.

She had a lot of brute strength and could be riled up easily, but that sometimes can be a great weakness. I learned that the key was avoidance. Get her off her center, then knock her down. This also seemed to calm her down quite a bit. Unless of course, Kyou was anywhere nearby. Her infatuation with the Cat boy utterly perplexed me.

The two of us ascended the ranks in tandem over the years. Misaki seemed to consider us close friends. We had an interesting relationship to say the least. One that consisted mostly of punches and sweep kicks. We always knew what the other was feeling through that.

That part of my life, was probably the closest to "normal", School, Karate and outings with my Foster mother.

But for those close to the Sohma curse. Life is never truly normal.


	2. The Grey

"Fight me." Hatsuharu said one day out of the blue at the Dojo.

"Idiot, we're not allowed to." I had to dodge a lumbering punch. I quickly sidestepped out of the way, grabbing his wrist and flinging him off balance. "You need to work on your center." I scoffed. "That's why you're still a yellow belt!" I was already a blue belt by then.

He got up, seeming dazed. "That's what Master always says."

"That's because it's true. And I'm your sempai so-"

"Do you ever wonder why you look so much like Yuki?"

Me and Haru's interaction had been somewhat minimal up to that point. I was already year above him in school and Haru always acted younger than he actually was. "Hatsuharu, I don't understand you. You have no sense of _timing_." I was going to go get changed to go when he spoke again.

"You have, haven't you." I didn't really like him, because he seemed so blank. His emotions so mottled. It made me feel uneasily calm to be around him.

"No, I can't say that I have, I haven't even talked to him since that day at the Banquet ages ago."

"You should try again. He really isn't that bad."

"Now what's up with you? Just a week or so ago, you hated that "damn rat"." I heard and saw many things here at the Sohma estate.

"Yeah, but then I actually tried talking to him. You can't just judge him."

"I'm not judging him. I'm sure he wants nothing to do with me."

"You were both young. You can't be blamed."

"Now it sounds like you're talking about us having an affair." My forehead twinged.

"He seems to be a magnet for love."

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

He stood up calmly, getting up to walk away. "I think you should ask Yuki about it yourself."

"It's just coincidence." I stated .

I knew that Misaki wasn't my real mother. By then, I understood that. But, my birth parents, were still unknown.

* * *

I didn't have many friends in at school. Most girls thought I was weird or stuck up. I didn't really mind. The only place I felt I belonged was at the dojo. Sparring with Kagura, dealing with Haru's antics. Until one day, I was surprised to see Yuki...Waiting for me, on my way to the dojo.

"Kanae-san." He said with something that only could barely be considered even a polite smile.

I didn't let my gaze linger, I instead kept briskly walking as if he were a stranger.

Though it was easy to ignore his words, it was almost impossible to ignore what was left unsaid. One would think with how infuriatingly placid he always was, that his emotions would be the same. I for one didn't need to wonder. I knew. What he felt, I felt. Like a lingering pungent stench, it was unavoidable. One could not just stop smelling, as I could not stop feeling.

"Kanae wait." He grabbed my wrist painfully. I looked back at him in anger and bewilderment. His voice was cold and commanding. A far fall from his usual airy politeness. I met his steely gaze. His face like a cold mirror. Identical sterling eyes and chromium hair. The resemblance was unsettling to the degree that I found it difficult to keep the stare. What did he need so badly? And couldn't he think of a better time or place? We could both be late.

I twisted my wrist in his grip. "No-honorifics huh?" I grunted as he released me. His grip was...curious. Like an infant grasping his mother's forefinger. Instinctual and desperate.

He shrugged. "I am older than you."

I took in a sharp breath. Something about the way he said it pierced like a blade.

"Funny, I was under the impression that we were the same age." To the day even, as I had learned.

"Almost. I was born mere hours before you were."

"How could you- wh-" No, we couldn't be twins. That'd be too cliché, and aren't twins supposed to be much closer than we were?

"You've always wondered, haven't you?" He was withdrawn, seeming unwilling to be near me.

"Yeah, I have. That was the first and only thing I said to you."

He smirked. "That is correct." His tone remained flat. Carefully sealed to keep all his warring emotions at bay. What I felt made me writhe internally, I had to refrain from outwardly cringing.

"Yeah? So what if I did?" I asked dismissively, shouldering my gym bag and turning away from him.

"Wait, Imouto-San." I froze.

"Why did you call me that?" I inquired, my eyebrows knitting together.

"Because we are siblings." The lack of emotion on his face made me want to punch him even harder.

I scowled. "I thought tact was among the prized Sohma traits." Maybe on one of those cheesy-ass soaps this would be a heartfelt reveal, but instead it was just even more infuriating. "What gave you the right to tell me like this?" I said through clenched teeth. "Honestly, what prompted this after 6 years?"

He gave a small sigh, replying with a single word.

"Haru."

I blinked.

"I swear..." Hatsuharu's miserable timing must have rubbed off on poor Yuki. "I'm gonna kill'em." I growled.

I swore I saw maybe a fleck of amusement in Yuki's face, if only for an instant.

I glared. "So I'm your twin sister or whatever. Don't see how it matters now. "

"Well, you see-"

"You're not twins." A voice suddenly came from...above us.

"HATSUHARU?!" I shrieked in rage. I watched him as he hopped down. Landing on his feet by Yuki. He stared at me blankly too, but not a soulless stare.

"You two are three-quarter siblings. "

"I swear if you don't start making sense-" He cut me off.

"You have the same father. "

"So...that makes us half-"

"And your mothers are sisters. "

Yuki looked almost bored, it must have been Haru who told him

"So..."

"You were meant to be the Rat."

My teeth clenched. That was something that I never wanted to hear. Because I would have to believe it, the proof was irrefutable.

"...I'm due to test for my purple belt soon. I shouldn't be late!" I yelled in defiance, dashing away from them, hoping that they would just let me go.

I just couldn't stand it. Seeing him, and how he acts; so spoiled by affections, it makes me think too much of myself, and how much I yearned for everything he took for granted.

* * *

"Kanae? Are you not feeling well?" Kagura said with concern as she helped me up from the ground. My mind was muddled and my emotions askew. This was a major detriment to my fighting skills.

"Yeah. 'm fine. It's nothing you need to worry about." It was useless to avoid her.

"You're not sick are you?" Her hand flew to my forehead.

"No." I swept her hand away. "It's not my physical health."

"Is something on your mind? A boy perhaps."

"Yes but not like that."

"You're so cold, Kana-chan."

"What? Is it so wrong to not find my true love so early on?"

"No! You're just not as lucky as me." Her reasonable side was eclipsed far too often.

"Please. No tackling Kyou today. That poor boy deserves a break."

"That reminds me, I haven't given Kyou his lunch today!" I managed to hook her by her elbow before she disappeared. Spinning her around and throwing her off balance.

"No."

"You're so mean!"

"Without me, the love of your life would have another concussion."

"But, he made me! If he weren't so thoughtless, my feelings of love wouldn't have driven me to tossing a chair at him!"

I sighed. Closing my eyes and putting a hand to my forehead. "I honestly don't know what it will take to talk some sense into you." But she was gone. Gawking idiotically at Kyou as he seemed to be fighting off Haru.

Of course, she had forgotten all about my compromised performance today. She was the only one who had the opportunity, and far too often she let it fly by.

Maybe I'm expecting too much. What do I know about how friends are supposed to act?


	3. The Dark

It was the last day before I began middle school. Misaki was worried, but I was indifferent. It would just be more of the same. I was going to a prep school for prep school. My grades were good, not that it was that hard. And that wasn't what Misaki was worried about.

"Please, Kanae, promise me you won't get into anymore fights. "

"It was your idea to put me in Karate classes."

"Don't make this my fault. And I happen to know that Karate teaches one to avoid conflict. "

I rolled my eyes. "I won't make any promises that I can't keep."

"Kanae!"

"If you're so concerned about keeping up the Sohma family image then maybe you should just take me out of school then!"

"Kanae! You should know that this isn't about that! I have as much reason to hate the Sohma family as you do! " she stopped, taking a deep breath.

"I just don't want you to get hurt, or hurt someone else. " I nodded soberly.

"I'm sorry, mom. "

She reached forward to pull me into a warm hug. "You have nothing to apologize for sweetie." I didn't care if she wasn't really my mom. My birth mother abandoned me, and Misaki, she took me up outside of obligation, that's what truly mattered to me.

* * *

There was a certain garden near the wall that I would often go to. It was a small secluded grove of young bamboo shoots artificially placed around an equally artificial koi pond. But at the far side, near the was an extremely ancient camphor tree that had, over the years, grown and partially broken down the old laid stones. It was far too old and sacred for anyone to cut it down in good conscience. It's old knotted roots and branches were helpful if I ever wanted to leave the Inside unnoticed.

Something about the garden itself spoke to me. No matter how hard the Sohma tried to tame and manicure this tree, it always kept growing and never yielded to anyone or anything. Especially the barriers put up by man.

I vaulted my self up, climbing on to a large twisted branch that overlooked the pond. There weren't actually that many Koi left in the pond. The grounds keepers tended to neglect this area. It was a sub-area where people are kept within the wall out of reluctance. Several other un-cursed children lived here, while most were cast outside of the walls unless they had abilities that would be of use.

I sat there in silence, singing softly to the breeze. Old songs, ancient songs, songs that most had completely forgotten.

"What is that song called?" Hatsuharu's blank eyes were suddenly looming over me. He was crouching at the base of the branch behind me.

"Haru you could have made me fall." My singing always makes me extremely serene. "I don't know. It's one of the ancient songs, that the Spirits used to sing. "

"That's right. You're an Utaji."

"It just means that I can hear things that others can't." I said dismissively. Sometimes the spirits of the zodiac would speak or sing, and certain members of the Sohma family are able to hear and repeat. There are several unique abilities present among the Sohmas. Some are skills to be taught like Hatori's memory technique, or they are just something you are born with, like my Empathic abilities. People like me are called "Kiireji" or "ones who can hear". Then we are divided into other groups like Utaji and Hashiji.

I'm not the only one by far, but the only one I know in this generation is Kotoko. That is, I've never actually seen her. She's the keeper of Oral histories; a Hashiji, and will eventually become a Master of Ceremonies of sorts.

I'm old enough now, I will probably be forced to fulfill my duties soon.

"Is there something you wanted?" I sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bough.

"Yes, actually." He sat next to me, his eyes falling to somewhere far away.

I waited a moment for him to speak. When he didn't I nudged him. "...and?"

"...is it okay if I call you nezumi-chan."

"Don't make me push you off this branch." I said without any change in expression.

"...Yuki won't let me call him that either. "

"I wonder why." I rolled my eyes. "C'mon, do I really look that much like Yuki? It's annoying."

"...you look...meaner."

"...I hope that wasn't meant to be a compliment. "

"It was."

I sighed. From what I could tell, if I didn't grow my hair out I would be easily mistaken for him. Sometimes I think that I only scowled so much because I hope it will magically change my face into something different.

Then again, I could just try smiling more.

"Kanae."

"Hatsuharu." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"What is it that you're really angry about?" I was a little blindsided by the question, especially since I didn't really have an answer.

"Are you mad at Yuki?"

"...no." I decided.

"Then who? Your mother?"

"I've never met her, so how can I really blame her?"

"Akito?" Though my heart went cold at the mention of his name, I wasn't sure if it were him either. I just shook my head.

"Then who?"

"Why do you need to know?"

He shrugged.

"Well thanks for wasting my time."

"I at least think, that if you don't hate someone, you should let them know. So they won't just going on thinking that you do. "

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, I don't think any of them really care what I think of them."

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Not really. " My gaze fell to the ground. "I don't need to meet my birth mother. I already have one."

"Then, can you at least talk to Yuki?"

"Why is this so important to you?"

"I just don't think you should run away from anything."

I glared again. "That still doesn't answer my question, Haru."

He got up suddenly, swinging himself to a lower branch, holding a hand back towards me. "C'mon, let's go see him."

"Who?"

"Yuki." He blinked. "Rin can't make it today, so I need another lookout."

"Lookout?" I followed him in curiosity, lithely navigating to the ground besides him.

"Yes. Yuki is locked inside the main house, and he shouldn't be alone for too long."

"Locked? By who? And where?"

"By Akito, in what he calls Yuki's "Special Room"."

Another chill ran up my spine. I swallowed. "What if we get caught?"

"We don't."

* * *

I have always hated the inside of the main house. It was too clean, too perfect; and always deathly silent. Like a crypt. We crept along the hallways, dodging maids and the like. The dark passages seemed to go on forever. Twisting and turning, I was surprised that Haru wasn't as hopelessly lost as I was, but after awhile, I picked up on a familiar aura, and realised that he was actually lost.

"Haru." I whispered. "Yuki is this way!" I grabbed his wrist, leading him away. Thankfully he didn't protest.

I kept going, feeling Yuki's Aura grow stronger , but only slightly. It turned out that we were actually quite close, and Yuki himself was just weak.

The coast was clear, and we let ourselves in.

I had to keep myself from gasping too loudly. Yuki was there, but only just. He was curled into a minuscule ball, his Kimono drooping lifelessly. He didn't seem to hear us coming, Haru approached him readily, touching him lightly. There was no response.

I took a step closer. "Is he asleep?"

"I think, unconscious is a better word for it. " he said gravely. As I neared, I could hear that Yuki's breathing was shallow, and his skin was somehow even paler than usual.

Haru turned back to Yuki, with the closest thing to an actual emotion I'd ever seen him express. He was worried, truly worried.

Suddenly, Yuki stirred. His eyes cracked open. "H-Haru?" I clapped my hands over my mouth, side-stepping from his line of sight. "Yeah I'm here and so is-" he looked at me, and I shook my head. For some reason I didn't want him to know I was here. "...Rin is too."

Yuki didn't even have the strength to look for "Rin", he just let his head flop down, when it was caught by Haru. Without words, he helped poor Yuki lie down. I thought I saw him mutter something, but couldn't make it out. I only saw Haru nod solemnly.

Both of their auras together was a bit much for me to handle, so I decided to actually fulfill my duties as look out and go watch the hallway.

My heart was racing, all of the pain that I felt from Yuki, it was far too much for one child, no, one person to handle.

From the end of the hallway, I heard footsteps, and a particularly malignant Aura. My heart started beating even faster. The was only one person who could have an Aura like that.

I whipped around, gesturing to Haru wildly. "We have to go!" I grabbed his wrist, dragging him away. I didn't risk another look at Yuki. I didn't need to be a Zodiac member to fear Akito. He ruled us all, and had gone out of his way several times to let me know that I was worthless and unwanted.


	4. The Pain

"...Haru, what did he say to you?" I asked him after we had escaped the house.

He was distant now, his hands shoved in his pockets. "Haru?"

"He...he told me that he wanted to get out. That he couldn't take it anymore."

"So...this has happened before?"

"Yes, all the time." He stated almost sadly. "Like I said before, normally I go with Rin. I just can't stand the thought of Yuki being all alone in there for so long."

"I still don't understand...Is it some sort of punishment?"

"Yeah." He paused, looking up at the sky. "He's Akito's "Favorite". And he'll put Yuki in there whenever he's been "Bad"." He looked at me. "Can you help me?"

I blinked. "With...what?"

"Getting Yuki out of Sohma House."

"I don't see how I could be of help. I'm still stuck here myself, and I'm not even cursed." i shrugged. "I don't even think it's possible. The only cursed one to live Outside is Kyou and he's well...the cat."

Haru's face formed a thoughtful expression. "Wait, there is one other."

"Huh?"

"Shigure. He lives on the outside."

"But he was personally banished, by Akito. And Yuki is Akito's favorite."

"It's worth a shot."

"What is?" I asked.

"Asking Shigure if Yuki can live with him."

"But, doesn't Akito have to still give approval anyway?"

"You saw how he looked in there. I have to try. "

I nodded, my heart sinking at the memory of him. I knew that the Sohma's held dark secrets, but this... It made my stomach turn to think of the other atrocities committed here, and that I would soon be bound here as well.

"Come with me to the banquet this year."

"Why on earth would I do that? I'm not going to another one until I'm forced to."

"I think that you should confront your mother. It might help."

"Or it might not." I sped up a little walking a head of him towards the wall where my house was.

"But how else will you know, unless you try."

I paused, looking back at him. "It's still many months away."

He shrugged. "I'll be seeing you then." He turned around, waving as he left.

I didn't ponder it for long, I just left to go home as intended. There was really no use in prolonging the inevitable, I would eventually be dragged back to the Banquets soon enough. It would be even better to try and tackle my other daemons while I'm at it.

That night, I dreamt I was in a dark place, held captive by my fear; whilst Akito loomed over me, holding a cage.

* * *

I ended up following through that year-end, but I arrived a bit late since Misaki had such short notice for my hair. I objected, but there was honestly no stopping that woman.

I easily found my way in, mingiling with the exetnded family. My abilities had become more attuned since I was last here, so it was more vexing this time around. All the extra information made me jumpy and nervous. It was hard to concentrate on anything.

At long last I glimpsed his snow-tipped hair through the crowd. I gravitated towards that familiarity as fast as I could.

"Haru?" I said meekly, when I caught sight of him in the crowd.

"How dare you!" One of the elder women must have heard me. She slapped me. "Don't call him like he's on the same level as you! Worthless, disrespectful child!"

"Sumimasen, Obaa-sama." The woman left me. Disappearing into the crowd of relatives.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder. And I turned to meet Haru's flat iron gaze.

"H-Hatsuharu-san." I didn't think he really liked being called that.

"I found your Mom." He directed his gaze towards the private sitting rooms. "She's holed up in the far one."

"Okay." I turned to look at him. He was gazing elsewhere. "What, do I just walk in and say "Hi! I'm your daughter!"?" With my experiences with other Sohma adults…

"Yeah, I mean, why not? You are her daughter."

"But she gave me up, Haru. She didn't have any use for an un-cursed child."

"That's what's really messed up about this family." I tried to follow his gaze. He was looking at Yuki. Or maybe Akito. "It's a "curse" for a reason. But for some reason, even those who are free, have to suffer as well." His brows furrowed. "Parents, siblings, friends. It's all just a mess."

* * *

"Okaa-san?" I said nervously. Fiddling with my kimono.

"Kana, hello."

"It's Kanae...Actually."

"Don't you know it's rude to correct your elders?" She had the same cold eyes as her sister, and the same greasy platinum-blonde hair, but instead is fell in thick curls, glistening with hairspray.

"Y-yes. Okaa-sama."

"Now, Kako, what is it that you wanted?" She was sickly sweet. Her words coating me in grotesque saccharin.

"I-I just wanted to meet you. I mean, you are my birth mother."

"I am indeed. And you thought you could waste my time?" I suddenly felt like a 3-year old again. Small, scared and helpless.

"I- I am sorry."

"What makes you think that I'd ever want to see you?"

"I j-just.."

"Just stop your pathetic babbling before I get a migraine." She looked at me with a malicious glare. You probably want to know why. Ask me why, child!"

"W-wh-"

"You were my chance!" She stood up at this. Looming over me, with frightening anger. "With you, came the opportunity to finally surpass my sister! And you failed me! I have no use for you! And no desire to call you my daughter! Get out of my sight!" I staggered away. Out of the house, again. Running to my place near the wall.

Haru soon materialized out of a tree. "So how'd it go?"

"Do you think I'd be here if it went well?"

"Perhaps you were so overcome with joy that you needed to be alone?" His blank face cocked to the side as he found his place next to me.

"Why are you here? I thought you'd be with Isuzu-san."

"She's in the hospital again. I was just sneaking out to see her."

"Then go. She needs you more than me."

"I wanted to at least check on you." He turned his blank gaze on me. Washing me in his peculiar serenity. Back then I never could understand him. Hell, I still don't truly understand him.

But, I could feel myself, slipping, to a place, where I always wanted to be near him. As logically insane as it was. That's really how love seems to work.

He was gone as swiftly as he arrived. He didn't encourage me to return, or tell me to cheer up, not directly. I guess that's just how he goes about things.

* * *

When I returned home, Misaki was up waiting for me. Reading a book with some tea.

She looked up. "Kanae? Is something wrong?"

"No, I'm fine M-" I stopped myself. Misaki wasn't my mom. My real mother was a selfish person who conceived me out of greed and spite. Misaki was something much better. "...Misaki...I promise." I gave her a smile as I walked past her to go to my bedroom. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Perhaps it was a mistake, perhaps it wa that simple action that began a rift between us; I have no real way of knowing. But the possibility still nags at me. A voice telling me that I should have done more.

That it was my fault.


	5. The Red

(A/N) Hey everyone! This is Lucy, and I'd just like to take this time to thank all my lovely followers and _especially _my reviewers, since they've all been so positive. I am completely overjoyed that this story is being accepted as well as it is; I was honestly expecting Mary-sue hunters since, Furuba, like any other fandom can have some pretty wretched OCs. But I endeavor to make Kanae an interesting, well-rounded character that fits within the universe, so any criticism is greatly appreciated.

Also if any of you start shipping Haru/Kanae let me know, because I was informed that this could be the case with how i write them.  
And if you start shipping Yuki/Kanae remember, it's 75% incest.

* * *

Middle school was hardly more than a jumble of irrelevant studies and people. I was still a Sohma, so I had consistently immaculate education. Private schools and honour programs, but I was kept decidedly separate from the other Zodiac children, all but, Kyou.

He was _almost _like me, but he was a much worse paradox. Cursed, but yet still rejected. He could never be accepted by family, so by that, I attempted to form some common ground with him.

At the beginning of our 3rd year of middle school, we were in the same class. He was standoffish and violent, so the responsibility of including him fell to me. I didn't have any friends at school, and neither did he. We just kinda fell together, and just stayed like that for a while.

"Oi, Kyou." I pulled up a chair to the side of his desk. "I have our assignment. You know what to do?"

"Yeah, of course I do. I'm not deaf. "

"So just shut up and do it then." I rolled up his copy of the assignment and hit him over the head with it. He grumbled, taking the paper and flattening it out. "So..." He said

I rolled my eyes. "We're making a presentation about a historical figure of our choice."

"I knew that."

"Sure you did." I grumbled.

We continued on like that. Working out the project while snipping irritatedly at each other.

* * *

The final bell rung for the day, I jerked Kyou from his stupor by kicking his chair. "School's over ya lug." I said as I grabbed my bag.

"Mhmf." He grunted, standing up and stretching.

I smirked. "C'mon, let's walk to the Dojo together."

"Sure, whatever." I flounced ahead as he followed me in a slump. I could tell he was tense. Today we would take our advancement tests to see if we would move up a belt level. Me and Yuki were both going to become Black Belts, while Kyou and Kagura were going to be Red belts.

We walked from the school in silence at first. It was that kind of friendship where it was enough just to have someone around, and not be completely alone. I could still sense that Kyou resisted me somewhat. Probably because of his near obsessive grudge against Yuki. By now I held little to no ill will towards him. That image of him trapped in that prison still gave me chills, and put whatever I felt before into perspective.

"What are you so grumpy about?" I asked after a few blocks. "Are you just upset that you won't get to spar Yuki in the trials today?"

"Peh. I don't need any trials to fight that rat bastard."

"And I don't need you to tell me that." I deadpanned.

He just grunted.

"It's too bad, you're going to be in trials with Kagura this time around." She missed the last advancement because she broke one of the Dojo's walls and got loads of demerits.

"Don't remind me."

And speaking of Kagura. I sensed her approaching, _fast. _"GET DOWN!" I yelled, yanking him down into the bushes. Poor Kyou has no grace, so at some point we got a bit to close for the Spirit's liking and he transformed into a spitting orange cat.

"WHAT TH-" I clamped a hand over his muzzle to silence him.

"Shut up!" I said in a hushed voice. Just as Kagura's cries came into earshot. He started, his fur standing on end.

"KYOUUUUUUUUUU- WHERE DID YOU GO!?"

I prayed for her just to move on. I only hoped that she wasn't able to _smell_ him or something.

After a few tense moments, I defused that the coast was clear, and left him to change in the bushes.

"Okay...how did you know she was coming again?" He asked, as he re-joined me.

"I'm an Empath, remember? I sense Auras as hokey as it sounds." We fell into step again, taking an alternate route to the Dojo.

"Oh, right."

"The more familiar I am with a person, the easier it is for me to sense them over distances." I shrugged.

"Ah."

"But, the reason I'm still allowed inside the walls, is because I can sense the wills of the spirits."

He gave me an odd look, almost...apologetic? Sympathetic? I wasn't quite sure.

"But, I probably shouldn't complain..." I mumbled, looking at him. Even of the few who knew of the Cat's existence, even fewer knew of his fate.

He stiffened, looking away from me. "Yeah." Was all he said, then we were silent again until we reached the Dojo. Taking a back way in as Kagura in her haste had arrived before us.

We all lined up, advancement trials were a big deal. It always went from the bottom up, the little kids getting their Yellow belts to the adults advancing further as Black-belts. So I had a while to wait.

"Now, the next spar will be, Kanae and Yuki."

There were mixed mutterings among the crowd, but it didn't really matter. Most of them didn't know the significant risk this would pose. It did seem that Kazuma-sensei had a certain disregard for the Sohma's excessively rigid rules from time to time.

I glanced in Yuki's direction, he wasn't looking at me. He was his usual, distant, disinterested self. He could be so infuriating, while most found his air of mystery _alluring_, it frankly just pissed me off.

Yuki and I walked to the sparring matts. We bowed customarily, and both assumed our ready stances.

**"Hajimete!" **Kazuma shouted, signalling us to begin our spar.

I was light on my feet, ducking and parrying his first strike. I was quick, but he was quicker. While Yuki was very skilled and naturally talented, there was no real force or intention behind his strikes. He goes on instinct, his eyes never focussing, and his stance never steady. I quickly found a way to turn this to my advantage.

I began using fake-out manoeuvres to throw him off as best I could. He still managed to predict the sweep kicks I attempted; so I went for a more direct approach.

I swung around, letting out a cry as I launched a heavy round-house kick right at the centre of his defence. It was just brash and unexpected enough that he was knocked flat on his back. I huffed, putting my hands together to bow, signalling the end of the spar.

To my dismay, he didn't look surprised or dismayed, but...contemplative.

I could already hear Kyou's enthusiastic cheers. Ecstatic that at least someone was able to beat his rival.

"Oh man Kanae that was awesome! You sure showed that prissy-ass Yuki!"  
"Kyou not now. You should focus more on not being murdered during your spar."

He froze in his realisation. I grabbed him by the collar when he tried to run. "Don't tell me you're a Coward as well as an idiot." I growled menacingly. I let him go, and he slumped back towards the line-up. I slipped away to ponder. Not keen on crowds when I could avoid them

* * *

I usually walked home alone, despite the fact that most of us were going to the same place. I had developed the habit of taking a route through the Outside districts to the broken-down section of the wall where I could climb it; instead of just entering through the gate like a normal person.

"Hey Kanae!" I turned around to see Kagura running to join me.  
"Hey," I said with a small smile, adjusting my pace to hers.  
She smiled in return. "I know you heard it already, but awesome job kicking Yuki's _ass _today."  
I shrugged. "Coming from you I suppose that's meant to be a compliment."

"It is!" She said with a slight whine.  
I granted her an amused grin. "Sure sure."

"C'mon Kanae, you should be a little more excited! No one was ever able to beat Yuki!"

"As I've heard."

"Has he talked to you, by the way?"  
"Who, Yuki? No, why would he?"

"I don't know, he mentioned something about you, when he was talking about the fact that he's leaving."

"Huh?" I asked, my attention piqued.

"Yeah, he's leaving Sohma house to live with Shigure. I can't believe that Akito's allowing it."  
Me neither. I wonder how Haru did it.

"Yeah...me neither." I said.

"He's even going to an Outside high school. A _co-ed_ one at that. It's so weird, all this rebellious behaviour all of a sudden."

It really isn't. Poor Yuki's been a rebellion just waiting to happen for 14 years. "If he wanted to talk to me then I'm sure he already would have."

"He may be too scared now, since he knows you're stronger than him."

"I just got lucky. He could still beat me if he wanted to."

"I suppose." She seemed bored with this topic of conversation. "Hey, so have you decided where you're going to high school yet?"

"Yeah. Kobayashi."

"Aww...I was hoping that you'd be going to Namikawa with meee..."  
"No. I need to go to a school with a suitable music program, orders of the main house."

"And you're listening to them?"

"I have to if I want them to pay tuition."  
"That's right." She said a little sadly. "We'll still be able to hang out, right?"

"Yeah of course, we'll still be neighbours."

"But, I know how much you hate being at Sohma house."  
"So we can go other places."

She smiled, "Yeah, we can."

"Did you have anything planned? We can go get some Monja."

She groaned. "But you _always _want to get Monja. I don't understand how you're not _sick _of it already!"

"Fine then, what do _you_ want to eat?"

"Takoyaki."

"You know they have Takoyaki Monja." I stated flatly.

She rolled her eyes, grinning. "Fine, we can go to that Monja place in honour of your victory over the notorious tyrant that Yuki Sohma."

That got a chuckle out of me. "In that case, you should treat me."

"Hey c'mon no fair!"

I laughed as she punched me playfully in the arm, the two of us walking away from our shared hell to share a little solace over fried meat and noodles.

* * *

(A/N) I am gonna try and space out my updates, since I'm still working out the second half of the plot, so there may be inconsistencies. Please let me know if something slipped through my editing. :)


	6. The Fate

It had been a very long time since I was taken so deep in to Sohma house. From the outside it would seem like nothing but an innocuous traditional Japanese array of houses. But it was set up as a maze of prisons. Stifling windowless rooms and choked courtyards meant to give those trapped here an illusion of freedom. I was here only a few times before, most notably when I was taken to the elders to decide my fate. The only thing that saved me from having my memory wiped was my status as an Utaji, which were just as if not more rare than the zodiac members. Most of the others are much older than me, I met them that day too where I saw my inevitable future. The fate of a caged songbird.

Traditional Japanese music is always required at the Zodiac Banquet for the dance. The only guests are the members of the Zodiac, no family or friends. Only this black chain link of fate. Young Makoto will be administering the ceremony for the first time. I am to meet with her and be officially inducted into their little band of second-bests.

I was brought before the head elder. I don't think I ever learned her name, but she was always the one who managed things and scowled at me when she thought I wasn't upholding the Sohma family image or something.

"The time has come, Utaji. At the request of your foster mother, you were allowed a normal childhood to develop your abilities on your own." The elder said resolutely, hardly even looking at me. "Your private tutor at Kobayashi has many good things to say about you." Her steely gaze finally fell on me. "Naturally you will be our new singer, and you will be further instructed in traditional vocal techniques."

I nodded bleakly, refraining from voicing my very colourful opinions.

"Presently, you will be taken to see Kotoko, the Hashiji put in charge of the Utaji." I was then led even deeper into Sohma house. The dark inner corridors where few ever ventured, though beyond their knowledge, I had been here once before. That memory pricked to my mind, causing me to shudder. I was directed to a room and left there at the closed door. I swallowed, opening the sliding door whilst announcing my presence.

"Welcome, Kanae-san. You have the most musical voice." She turned to me with a milky stare. "Please, sit down." She gestured to the mat across from her.

Kotoko was born blind, that much I knew, and she was always small, but with an oddly menacing presence. She wore an ornate traditional Kimono that was much too big for her, and her pitch-black hair was cut straight and short around her face.

"It is and honour to meet you, Kotoko-sama." I said as I sat down.

She raised a hand. "Please, no need for the honorific. -san is just fine."

"Yes, Kotoko-san."

She tilted her head to the side and smiled, a bit creepily if I may add. "I am so glad that you will be able to join us this year. We have gone far too long without a proper singer. Aiko's passing was tragic, though she did do her best up until her final days."

"So I heard." I remarked.

"I'm sure that you will do wonderfully. Soon you will meet the other Utaji, I'm sure they will be thrilled to finally meet you." I nodded. She brought me into an adjacent room, where four other people, each holding a traditional instrument sat.

"Please allow me to introduce you." She first gestured to a late middle-aged man. "This is Hisoka-kun, our Shamisen player." He nodded in greeting. "Our Koto master is Shigemi-san." A woman who looked like she jumped out of an Ukiyo-e painting smiled at me. "On the Biwa Lute is Tomomi-kun." He was probably not much older than 20, and had a kind look in his eyes. "And lastly, Yoh-san, who plays the Shakuhachi." She smiled. "Everyone, this is Kanae-san who will be our new singer." Everyone applauded lightly or smiled, everyone that is, besides Yoh. She was a pensive-looking girl about my age. I didn't know that there was anyone else that age besides Kotoko and me.

Kotoko smiled again. "Now that everyone is here, I believe we can begin rehearsal now."

I smiled again, sitting down between Shigemi and Tomomi.

"Welcome, my dear." Shigemi said quietly. I couldn't quite tell her age through the thick traditional white make-up. "I am truly so glad, and I am sure that you will do Aiko-san proud."

"Did you ever get a chance to meet her?" Tomomi asked.  
"Yes," I replied. "When I was very young, when they first discovered my abilities."

Tomomi nodded. "Same with me, I met my predecessor Kei-san then too, though I was initiated a little younger than you were. You're about to enter high school, right? Where will you be attending?" The politeness was searing. They all had unnaturally bleached-write auras. Like someone had come and scraped out their souls.

"I will be going to Kobayashi Prepatory."

"Is that what they're calling it now?" Hisoka asked with a twinkle in his eye.

"Uh, yes. I assume you're referring how it used to be just the Sohma Boy's school."

He nodded. "Yes, I went there when I was a boy, long ago now." Odd, he didn't seem _that _old.

"So, you will be taking private music lesson, I assume?" Tomomi asked.

"Yes, with Kusunoki-sensei."

Hisoka chuckled. "Ahh…I remember when she was my student. Couldn't hold a pitch to save her life!" The other two joined in laughing. It was a dead, hollow sound than made me feel even worse.

I turned my eyes to Yoh-san, who hadn't said a single word, or really even looked up.

"Uh, Yoh-san," I began.

Shigemi leaned over to me. "Yoh-san is a deaf-mute, and also a bit antisocial to top it off. She never really makes any communicative gestures, besides playing that flute."

I did my best to extend my senses to see what she was feeling, but she too was scraped-clean and blank.

I swallowed, a sense of foreboding falling over me. Was it inevitable that I would become like them soon? Hardly even a person anymore?

* * *

The days passed swiftly as the Banquet approached. Everyone on the Sohma inside was somehow roped into the preparations at one point or another. Making new-years cakes, preparing decorations, or repairing the old costumes that needed to be used again. I was thankfully busy, as my life outside of this place was not really much that I relished either. At least this seemed just a tad less hollow.

On the day of the banquet, all went as expected. Misaki fretted for hours over my hair, and making sure that I wore my Kimono properly. By the end of it my scalp was sore and I had markedly less mobility.

As I did before, I mingled with the other guests before the Zodiac banquet. I met with Haru a few times, with him giving me constant updates.

"Shigure just arrived, _alone._"

"And I care _why?_"

"That means Yuki and Kyou are skipping."

"Again, why should I care."

He shrugged. "I just thought you would want to know, since your own brother is going to miss your Debut."

"I honestly don't care. It's not a big deal. The same songs have been sung at the Banquet for years. He'll probably hear me sing plenty of times in the future."

He looked at me blankly, in just the right way that it started to piss me. It pissed me off because I was suddenly calm, and couldn't do anything about it.

* * *

We were called into the Zodiac dining hall, where the festivities would commence. The coming year was the year of the Rabbit, and young Momiji was to perform a dance accordingly.

I met eyes with no one and did as was required of me.

I opened my mouth to let the voice of the spirits out. A high mournful sound of ambiguous key and cadence; wandering and lilting to the end of the phrase where the drums and strings began.

My eyes closed as the colour of the music blinded me. There were flashes of vibrant hues, until eventually it all just went _white._ That same foreboding pristine emptiness I felt from the other Utaji. I stumbled, my phrase ending abruptly and my vision turned to normal. The others looked at me worriedly, but with a distance. They were lost as I once was.

The song wasn't over, so I had to pick it up, but I changed enough notes so that I would see that place again.

I didn't know if it was a spell or what. I didn't care, all I know is that I was scared. The last thing I ever wanted was to become like the others. Blank sheep with nothing to live for but this twisted tradition.

The dance concluded. Momiji bowed and waved ecstatically, we were not acknowledged. We were hardly more than window dressings.

* * *

For a brief time after the song and dance, the other Utaji and I were allowed to sit with the Zodiac members for the first course of the meal. I was mostly silent, keeping to myself. Even Momiji was refraining from attacking me, but he did approach me after he finished his dance in a joyous fashion.

It was decidedly not a fun experience for me. 11 stifled, dark, putrid auras all in the same place, Akito's being the worst. But, as I thought about it more, that number seemed wrong. I recounted over and over again. Picking out each individual and even naming them. There was one who slipped my mind, because he slipped everyone's mind. Akito's personal "Assistant" Kureno. The only member of the Zodiac who I have never had any personal contact with. He was always secreted away, and only ever showed his face at the New Year's banquet, and even then only to Zodiac members and those like me and Kotoko.

I caught sight of him through the crowd, hoping he wasn't too far away for me to sense. But, I wasn't familiar with his Aura, so I had no way to be sure. I had an impossible thought, and had to be sure of it.

Our course of the meal was coming to the end, so I quietly excused myself, opting to take the long way around the table to the exit. I stood up swiftly, trying to avoid eye-contact with anyone. I couldn't have any distractions. I calculated my path amongst the servants and variously sprawled dinner guests, until I neared the head of the table where Kureno sat. Akito had left briefly as part of the ceremony for introducing the main course. It was God after all who was to offer this bounty to his beloved Zodiac.

My footsteps were small and quiet, until I purposely skewed my footing, causing me to slam into a servant and then crash into Kureno's back. I put on the required façade of stuttered apologies as I scooted away. Thankfully, he did as I calculated. He stood up from the matt where he was standing, and offered me a polite hand up. I was thankful that Akito was gone otherwise I could be in danger. He was notably possessive of his Zodiac, especially Kureno.

"Sorry miss, are you alright?"

I nodded, taking his hand.

It was all I could do to refrain from crying out as my impossible thought was proven.

Kureno's curse was broken.


	7. The Black

Something really terrible has happened to Isuzu. Apparently she fell from a great height and has been hospitalised. It's something that I learned from Haru, in our passing moments in the garden by the wall. He's even more stoic than usual, and this pains me even more for the contrast. The only times I've ever seen him truly smile was because of Isuzu, though their love seems to have brought more pain than good.

"Haru?" I heard him coming, which was a rarity. Normally he snuck up on me, but, instead his footfalls were heavy. His aura was dark. It scared me. I only prayed that he wouldn't go Black on me. He's now much taller than me and I wouldn't be able to defeat him.

I swung down from my branch, still keeping a safe distance. "How is Isuzu-San doing."

"Oh she's doing just fine." he had an icy calm about him.

"Then why aren't you happy about it?" He didn't answer me at first. His white shock of hair obscured his eyes, but his feelings were never louder to me.

After a few moments, he turned to me, pursing his lips to speak. "C'mon. Let's get the hell out of this place. "

His gaze was determined, and I was intrigued. "You better stay close to me, don't want you getting lost again." He huffed in response. Shoving his hands in his pockets as he walked to the climbable area of the wall.

His shoulders were stiff and his gait was still heavy. I was worried, I didn't want to be too close, and yet I wanted to stay and find out what was wrong.

I matched pace with him, looking up at him; yes up. He was taller than me now and it was infuriating beyond belief. He vaulted over the wall, waiting for me to follow. He jumped down on the other side, catching me as it was a further distance on that side. He kept me at arm's length, it'd be troublesome if he transformed now.

I led him through the sprawling neighbourhoods of the Outside Sohma's, and kept on to the hills beyond. Haru didn't seem to care where we were going, nor did he seem to mind that I was leading the way.

We came to the ruins of an old abandoned shrine a decent distance away from anything resembling civilization. I paused to look at the scene, while Haru kept walking. I jogged to catch up with him. "So, are you gonna tell me what's up?"

He stopped at the foot of the stairs, looking up at the darkening sky. "I got dumped."

I had to refrain from scoffing or even rolling my eyes. I knew not to mess with him now, he was on the very edge of going Black. The intensity of his emotions was _really_ scaring him. Rin normally served as an outlet for his dark feelings. Something for him to focus on, a goal for him to aspire to. He always had wanted to become bigger and stronger in order to protect and support her. But now that it seemed she didn't need him anymore, he was boiling over.

"Haru…" I began. "You know, Rin is just trying to protect you. How would you have acted if you were the one tossed out a fucking _window_?" I walked to his side, despite his aura being utterly repulsive to me now. "Wouldn't you try to protect her? To make sure that Akito wouldn't hurt her too?"

"Yeah but…" He began to tremble, raising his hands to his face. "If it were just to protect me, wouldn't she make a show of it? Make sure everyone knew we were broken up? But no, she told me _alone_, no one was around. You wanna tell me that was a fucking _act_?"

"Maybe making a show of it would just make it worse."

"God _damn _it." He swore, kicking a nearby pillar.

Despite myself I grabbed his arm to try and calm him down. But when our skin made contact, It was all I could do to keep from _screaming_ in agony. It was like holding on to a metal rod near its melting point, or standing next to a _piercingly_ loud noise. It was _painful_, but he was my friend, and I had to at least _try _and help him.

"So what, now that Rin's out of the picture you're gonna try and get up on me?"

Fuck. He was black now. I released him, stumbling back away. "Get it _together_ Haru!"

"Answer my question, _Kanae._"

"Haru, I'm your _friend_. _You _came to _me_ didn't you?" He walked towards me, grabbing my wrist painfully.

"This hurts, doesn't it? All my darkness, it burns like a _flame_ right?"

I writhed fruitlessly. He was the only one that I had been able to fully confess my "abilities" too. It was in confidence, but now he was using it against me. Only now did I know who I hated the most, it was Black Haru.

"Hatsuharu let me _go._" I said with as much authority as I could muster.

"Why, what are you gonna do?" He sneered. There was a decorative pond behind him. I had to somehow get him in there. That's how I had cured him the last time he went black on me.

I struggled and thrashed, trying to drag him backwards. It was a shame he didn't transform into some sort of small animal, otherwise I could try that. Though Haru was stronger when he went Black, he still had terrible form.

I wrenched my hand from his grip, ducking up his arms, zipping behind him and attempting to get him off balance. When that didn't work, I instead started moving backwards towards to pond, taunting him with kicks and punches until he was out right pursuing me. When we reached the edge of the pond, I punched him in the stomach, then kicked at his legs, ducking back as lumbered forward on the sloped shore.

He still managed to take me down with him, I'll give him that.

"Ahh…that's refreshing." I heard him say.

"Haru I swear next time you do that, I will fucking _kill_ you." I was just pissed now, and cold. Annoyed and sad. I felt betrayed above all else. It was really unfortunate. He was starting to go Black less and less up until now.

I trudged out of the pond, more saddened than disgruntled. "C'mon. We should go back before either of us catches cold." I was even more put off by the fact that Haru seemed to have figured it out, the fact that at some point over the course of our fucked up lives, I had fallen in love with him.

It was stupid and futile, and the heart was always so _damn_ fickle.

"Kanae?" I didn't look at him. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't even be within one metre of him.

"Haru let's just go home." I could hear him sloshing towards me, so I just kept walking.

"Is that what you hate the most?"

I didn't answer him. I just kept walking, my arms wrapped around myself as I began to shiver. He was kind enough to keep his distance, since, he did know how his nearness affected me.

After a while, I finally found the will to speak. "Haru, you're the only one besides Misaki who really knows about my stupid Empathy. And while you were Black you used that to _hurt_ me. I'm sorry but I really don't feel like even being around you."

"Then, I just hope you find someone."

"Huh?"

"I hope you find someone that you can truly trust."

"I can just you Haru but, only half of you."

"That's what I meant."

I sighed, looking down. Slowing my pace to match him more. "Haru, you don't understand. It's not just Zodiac members that have this contradiction, everyone has it." I said. "Everyone has two sides. Their "outer" self and "inner". There's always dissonance, conflict and turmoil within everyone's minds. I haven't ever met anyone who defied that."

"You haven't met everyone yet, so maybe you will." He grabbed me gently by the hand, and I started to feel calm. When he was White, I felt almost normal. I could actually touch him, and smile genuinely. It was one of those things that was too good to be true. I only wished that I could believe him.

I started to shake again, this time with impending tears. Haru put his arm around me, holding me to his side, urging me to walk. "Kanae, I'm sorry." He said softly. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that I wouldn't cry. "I really hope that you can find someone, to hold you when the tears come." He sounded almost sad, I didn't want him to feel sorry for me, it was useless, the way we were couldn't ever change, not so easily at least.

"Thank you Haru…"

"For what?"

"For trying."


	8. The Guilt

(A/N) Thanks again to all my readers, I am really exited that this story has come so far. Do stay tuned, as the plot is really going to get going soon enough. All you shippers ready your sails~~

* * *

There was something that I would never mention. A small fact that I would always omit from my daily reports to Misaki. I was bullied. I found it silly and shameful, but it happened none the less. The other Sohma children who attended this school were all Outsiders who had this delusional dream of someday living Inside. They revered it like some demented goal. That fact alone made me loathe to be even near them. Some were jealous of me being inside the walls, others jealous of my looks, or sexually frustrated about it especially since I looked so much like Yuki. Not to mention that my grades were always good. Occasionally I would take the top spot on exams. Perhaps it was my incessant nonchalance about it that angered them further.

It was the last week before summer vacation, after the exam scores had come in, I had placed first, but sometimes it was hard to tell right away since the top 100 or so consisted wholly of _Sohma, Sohma, Sohma, Sohma. _There are children besides Sohmas here, but they are of the same breed: entitled and bored.

After walking away from the score list, I could feel a group of them following me. The mess of emotions behind me was distinct. Anger, hate, jealousy, a touch of lust. Humans seem to become only angrier at realising things that they can't control.

There was a gang of them waiting for me. All Sohma's from the outside. One of them was a serial offender who had been slinging comments at me since I came here.

I tried to ignore them, like the guidance counsellors always said, but they blocked me. Three boys and two girls.

"I bet you're pretty happy right now, getting that high score." The frontman said.

I shrugged. "So, I assume that you're the one who got second place." I didn't offer anything else, just tried to shoulder past them.

One of the girls got in my face. "Hey, you can't walk away when we're talking to you!"

"I believe I can." I spat, attempting to throw her off. I don't know why they felt the need to try and get to me. I never cared about the same things they did, and whenever I didn't react to them, they would just try and think of new things. I really think it's them trying to justify their feelings of low self-worth. They want to erase their own inferiority by forcing it on to me.

The problem was, that I wasn't taking any of it.

"I'm sure you think you're so special, just because you live on the Inside."

I shrugged again. This pissed her enough for her to slam her shoulder into me. I let her knock me down, to give her a false sense of dominance. The others swarmed around me, backing me against a wall. I stood up, feigning an expression of fear. This seemed to be what they wanted I could feel them getting cocky, that would make them sloppy.

I knew they were arming up for something, the way they were whispering to each other and leering at me. Finally, their gem of an insult came out. The same serial offender as always.

"Feh, that worthless bitch who took you in, she only did it for the money!" That's where my vision went red.

**"You say one more _word_ about Misaki and I will fucking break your _neck_!" **I growled as I slammed him into the wall by his collar. Only then did he start to realise that I wasn't just some girl that could be picked on without consequences. I sneered at him as he squirmed. "Sorry, no mercy from me." I kneed him in the groin and threw him to the floor. I turned on my heel and left. Making my way to the Headmaster's office to save myself some time.

I don't care if they insult me. Call me a slut? Fine. Whore? Bitch? Freak? I don't care. But Misaki, she doesn't deserve any of it. She definitely doesn't deserve me as a daughter.

* * *

I was angry enough that I didn't want to go straight home, so I took an uncommon detour. All I had to do was enter through the Main gate and not the side gate that was hardly more than just a missing bit of wall, and I was in the _actual _Main Compound, with its pristine gardens and hedgerows. It all made me sick. I honestly preferred the decrepit nature of my house, at least that meant it had some character.

No one really mad any notice of my coming. None of the servants greeted me, nor did any of the older members ask how school was doing. Someday I would be one of them, and I would do the same for those who came after me.

"Someone else who looks just like Yuki has arrived."

"Haru please, not now."

"But this is the Main House." He stood up, grabbing his digital camera and putting an arm around me. "Peace." He said, making a peace sign into the camera.

"You know my image won't appear on camera." I said almost too bleakly to be a joke.

"C'mon Nezumi-chan make a peace sign."

"You're really trying to piss me off aren't you?" I pushed the camera away just as it flashed. "C'mon. We don't need photographic evidence of me coming to your room."

"So what brings you here? Are you conspiring with Yuki?"

"What? No."

"Because he was also just here, after being away for so long."

"Haru, I've never left the main house. I've basically been your neighbour for the last ten years."

"But you hardly ever actually go _inside_ the main house."

"And for good reason."

"So why now."

I flopped down on his bed, honestly a little exhausted and now a bit annoyed. "I got kicked out of school."

"Why?"

He asked honestly, sitting down next to me.

"I beat up the Dean's son. Why else."

"I thought Misaki told you to stop doing that."

"She did."

"So why did you do it?"

"Because."

"That's not a reason." He deadpanned.

"Because…" My fists clenched. "I just don't understand them, or _anyone_. Why does it matter if I get a high score? I actually study and work hard. They just goof off and cram, relying on their natural smarts."

"But, what did they do to you?"

"Nothing. I don't care what they do to me. They can't hurt me. I don't hinge my self-worth on the opinions of others…but…"

"But what?"

I grimaced. "The one thing I can't tolerate is if they say _anything _bad about Misaki." I said, my tone wavering. "She doesn't deserve _any_ of it. She especially doesn't deserve me as a daughter."

Haru sighed. He was never one for shallow reassurances. He just placed a hand on my back and nudged his head gently up against mine. "Haru, I'm fine."

"Don't lie." He replied, his voice mostly vibrations at this close distance.

I jerked away suddenly, becoming too comfortable with him so close. I shook myself. "Sorry." I muttered.  
"You really shouldn't talk like that. You shouldn't hinge your self-esteem on anyone's opinion, especially not your own."

I shrugged, standing up. "You still make so little sense to me Haru."

"Where are you going?"

"Home. I need to tell Misaki about what happened."

"I thought you were avoiding that?"

"I was, and now I'm done."

* * *

I made my way then back to my own house. It was still a bit of a walk from the main house to the outskirts.

"Nae-channnnn~~~~" The ecstatic blonde boy was headed straight for me, I blocked him with an outstretched arm.

"No, Momiji."

"But 'Naeeee! We're at the main house it shouldn't matter!"

"I haven't even changed out of my school uniform, and I have homework to do."

"But 'Nae! You're always so busy and never have time to play anymore!"

Momiji was the anomaly. So bright and cheerful, almost sickeningly so. But his true aura was the same as any other Zodiac member. A nauseating duality.

"That's what happens when you grow up." He still managed to grab hold of my arm.

"You saw me at the New Year's banquet, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did, I was singing. Why are you bringing this up now?"

"Because you sang so beautifully!"

"You didn't answer my question."

He just laughed and grabbed my arm. Still acting like a rambunctious little girl. It grated on my nerves, but was also somewhat refreshing. He unlike the other Zodiacs didn't conceal a darkness per se, he just had a sadness that he held on to. The pain of being separated from his mother and sister because of his curse. Something I technically should be able to relate to, but couldn't. I felt nothing for my mother and half-brothers. I was never given the opportunity. I almost thought that is was better, since there was no bond to sever.

I granted him a small smile. I was grateful for his gentle warm energy, but it too of course was tainted by his spirit.

I opted for some simple small talk. "So how are enjoying high school?"

"Oh, it's lots of fun. Lots of nice new people and I'm glad that I get to see Tohru and the others."

"Tohru? Is she that girl who's been living at Shigure's house?"

"Yep! That's her!"

"I almost didn't believe the rumours when I heard them. It's a hot topic among the servants."

"I bet! Nothing like this has ever happened before!" He skipped ahead of me a few steps, his hands behind his back. "You should meet her, 'Nae! I think you'd like her!"

"I'm sure I will." I said dismissively. "Haru won't shut up about her either."

"She's really helped, you know. She's even-"

"Helped Kyou and Yuki get along, I know. Must I remind you that I hang out with Haru? "

Momiji giggled, running back and grabbing my hands. "C'mon 'Nae-chan! Cheer up a bit!"

"I'm sorry Momiji, but today isn't exactly the best day."

"Oh no! What happened!?"

"It's not the big of a deal…" I tried to break free, but he just squeezed harder.

"Was some big mean jerk mean to you?"

"Well…"

"Just tell me who he is and Uncle Momiji will teach him a lesson!" He put on an over-dramatic tough face. I think my mouth quirked a bit as was his intention.

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Momiji, I beat up the big mean jerk on my own, and that's the _problem_."

"Yeah! That's my Nae-oneechan!" He pumped a fist into the air. "Fight! Fight!"

I shook my head with a small grin. "Honestly, Momiji…"

"Did that help? Did I cheer you up?"

"Yeah, sure you did, Momiji." He smiled, joining me at my side again.

We walked idly a bit while Momiji continued to chatter. I didn't mind at all, anything to delay the inevitable. It's not like Misaki was going to be mad or anything. I'm sure the school had already contacted her. But, I still didn't really want to own up to it. She never liked me getting in fights, and I felt as if I let her down.

Those thoughts are the one that have always plagued me. Feeling like I wasn't enough. My birth mother deemed me unworthy at birth that fact seemed to taint my entire world view. Even if I wanted to completely ignore her existence, it was impossible. Weren't blood relatives the ones meant to love you unconditionally?


	9. The Following

(A/N) And for those of you wondering about Tohru and her friends, you're in luck because they show up in this chapter! Along with another character...who is totally not going to be important in the later plot at all. No of course not why would he be...  
As for you wondering if Kanae is going to end up with anyone...  
Just keep reading.

* * *

I got kicked out of Kobayashi Preparatory school before first term even ended. I feel that this may have been an overreaction. It's not _my_ fault that the Dean is a Sohma and his son is a bastard. Though nepotism had nothing to do with my entrance to the school, it oddly enough contributed to my removal. My behaviour wasn't conducive to the family's image especially since my marks were so good. I could honestly go to just about any school that I wished with my "_dazzling"_ test scores.

So because of that, my deciding to go to Kaibara High is outwardly puzzling.

Misaki looked as if she was going to spit out her tea when I told her.

"What?" I asked innocently. "_Four_ of zodiac children go there, it can't be _that_ bad."

She coughed a bit, holding her tea cup out towards me as she cleared her throat. "N-no. It's just that," She cleared her throat. "I thought you never wanted to be so much as in the same _building_ as that Yuki."

"…Yes. But three of that four are people I might actually be able to call friend. Mostly Haru, Haru goes there. Kyou's an idiot but we get along well enough. Momiji may be annoying, but he's still fun to be around."

She nodded, and spoke again. "You could go Namikawa with Kagura and Isuzu-san."

"Uh…_no_. Isuzu isn't really keen on me and there's only so much of Kagura I can handle."

"Ah."

"Yuki at the most will just piss me off. Provided he knows what's good for him and stays away from me."

Misaki nodded and sat forward in her chair. "Just promise me one thing." She held up a finger. "You must promise to be _civil_ around him and not make a scene."

I opened my mouth to retort, but gave up, and decided to oblige her. "I will not unless provoked." I compromised.

She sighed with a strained smile. "I suppose that's all I'm going to get out of you." She reached up to ruffle my hair. "You go get 'em. I know that you're be happier there."

* * *

Voices and emotions formed a thick cloud around me as I entered Kaibara high for the first time. Girls glared and boys stared, nothing far from the usual. But there was something different about it all. Something utterly pissed me the hell off.

I kept hearing _his _name.

I knew my resemblance to him wouldn't go unnoticed.

I heard whispers as I passed. "Is that another Sohma?"

"Yeah, and she looks _just _like Prince Yuki!"

…

_…Prince?_

Oh no, the first one to call me _Hime-sama _or some bullshit—

Suddenly I found myself being jerked back to reality with a pleasantry.

"Hi, you're the new girl, aren't you, Kanae Sohma?" Oh god, not one of _these_ guys. The peppy student council type. But in the spirit of upholding my promise to Misaki, I did my best to be pleasant. I gave him a simple enough polite smile. "Yes, that's me!" The boy was raven-haired, normal enough looking.

"My name's Tamaki Kyouhara." He smiled genuinely in return. "I'll refrain from the obvious queries, since I'm sure you'll get enough of that today." He said casually. "I mean, Yuki's pretty popular, so I'm sure you've already been bombarded." Oh god is that going to happen? Perhaps I've just been putting on a mean enough face so people have had the good sense to stay away.

"Yeah, I do get it a lot. I'm not his sister or anything, I'm his first cousin." And the lies begin...

"So are you related to the other Sohmas too?"

"_Distantly_. So distant that most of us don't even bother to keep track of it anymore."

"That's interesting though." Is it? Is it _really?_ "So, what class are you in? Do you know the way?"

"Yeah, class 2-D, and I'm sure I can find my way, thanks." Most Japanese high schools were set up pretty much the same way.

"Okay, so, just let me know if you need anything, I'm in class 2-C, so hopefully we'll run into each other again." He smiled again, waving as he walked past me. There was no way that I could get a good fix on his aura in this crowd, but I was markedly curious. Bright shiny ones like him often had some darkness stirring underneath.

As I walked closer to the classroom, I began to sense something that bugged me. I wasn't even expecting anything to come through, since the auras around be were so _jumbled_. But, the aura was familiar, _sickeningly_ familiar, yet I couldn't name it right off.

I turned around, fully surprised to see who was behind me. "…_Yuki_?" Normally I was able to sense his repugnant aura from several feet away, but I was surprised to find that it had...purified somehow. Maybe it was just the fact that he had been living outside of the Sohma compound for quite some time now.

"No honorifics huh?"

I scowled. "That was an emotionally scarring experience for me and you think you can make _jokes_ about it?"

He laughed. Something that was so shocking that I only half heard what he said. It took me a moment to register that his lips were moving.

I blinked. "I'm sorry what?"

He laughed again. "I said I'm sorry, but it wasn't exactly a walk in the park for me either."

I gave a forced chuckle. "Yeah I'm sure it was. You didn't learn that you were unwanted and _worthless_ that day." I tried to brush past him. I didn't want to be late for my first class here.

"Kanae-"

"There you go holding me up _again_." I said, my forehead twinging. "I'll talk to you later okay. I'm _sure_ you won't let me escape." I said flatly, pushing open the door to the classroom. I soon found out that entering the class ahead of Yuki was a bad idea. The whole class took note. Much to my dismay.

A ditsy looking girl with dark brown hair was gaping like a fish. "Y-y-Yuki...?!" She managed to sputter.

"No, no, I'm right here Honda-san." Yuki said in a playfully exasperated tone.

"H-huh? But she looks just like you!" The girl continued.

"My name's Kanae and no I'm not Yuki's sister. We're cousins." I stated. Kicking a kid out of a desk that was next to Kyou.

Kyou acknowledged me with a grunt.

"Good to see you too, slacker." I said.

"A whole two years and you haven't gotten any less prickly."

"I wish I could say the same for you."

"Heh. I'm just glad you haven't gotten soft." He grinned.

"Same to you."

The bell rang, and Shiraki-sensei came in.

"Hey new girl, get up here and introduce yourself."

I complied with a groan. Trudging up to the front of the classroom. As I passed the noisy brunette, I almost stopped dead in my tracks. I was able to pick out her aura from the crowd because it was very peculiar. I could have sworn that she was a Zodiac child, I rarely felt a duality this strong beyond them, on the account of there being two spirits inhabiting their bodies.

When I reached the front, I met eyes with no one and did as was required of me.

"My name is Kanae Sohma. I just transferred from another school and look forward to getting to know you all." I bowed and returned to my seat, allowing sensei to continue.

* * *

When break came, I found myself surrounded by what almost seemed like a blockade.

"Would you look at this? Another Sohma, and a girl no less." Said a tall straw-blonde Yankee-looking girl. "What's the read on her Hana?"

"Strange, her waves are very different from the others, yet, I still have a similar kind of feeling." Waves? Is she an Empath too?

"That is interesting." She directed her attention at me, finally. "So you're name's Kanae huh? I'm Arisa Uotani." She stuck out a hand for me to shake. I took it automatically. "This here is Hana, and this one over here is Tohru." I was probably the only one who thought that name was fitting. A contradiction, just like her emotions. So this was the girl everyone was in fuss about. She was painfully average-_looking,_ but, she had something to hide, something I would be very interested to know.

The others by now started looking at her.

Tohru still looked like a dying fish.

"Stop gawking Tohru, you look like a dying fish." Kyou said without turning around. I smirked

"I'm sorry!" She gave a swift apologetic bow. "It's just, I'm used to all the Sohmas looking so unique and to be honest when you came in, I thought you were Yuki in a wig."

"Yes Honda-san." I wonder how long Yuki was standing there. "Me and Kanae-are actually first cousins, not just distant relatives like the others." I'm sure he's a master of half-truths by now. A literal, half-truth actually.

"Oh well that explains it." She said, still seeming a bit dazed.

Yuki gave her a smile... Again, like, a _proper_ one. It was all I could do to conceal my bewilderment.

The next period's teacher came in and began setting up. Signalling the students to return to their seats.

"Hey Kyou," I said turning to him. "what's up with that Tohru girl anyway?"

He shrugged. "Hell if I know. " he was hiding something. There was something very interesting surrounding that girl. I'd heard whispers of her of course. An outsider living in Shigure's house no less, and knowing the family's big secret. Akito must have something up his sleeve to allow this.

* * *

"Kanae-san?" Yuki joined me as I left the classroom.

Somehow the honorific made me even more annoyed. "What?"

"I was wondering if-"

"Just get to the point." My lavender-grey eyes surveyed him blankly. He was almost strange to me now.

"I would like to continue our conversation from earlier."

"What conversation."

"Any. We've never really had a proper one before."

I shrugged. "I don't really see the point." I still didn't want to be around him. Though his aura was purer, it was still unpleasant for me.

"I just..." He began, "I know, we haven't exactly been on the best of terms..." He looked away from me as we left the school. "I mean, I never had anything against you really."

I shrugged. Same with me, I just assumed that you wouldn't want to be near me at all."

"Now why is that?" I myself wasn't sure anymore. I used to be able to feel it, the aversion; but not anymore.

"Perhaps I was just being childish."

"Perhaps, but, I suspect another reason."

I raised my eyebrows.

"I also wanted to apologise."  
"For what?"  
"Well, I suppose I never fully understood your position. I suppose I just took it for granted." I looked at him quizzically. "I suppose I was jealous, and a little angry. You had everything that I wanted, and yet, you still couldn't be free."  
I blinked. "I think I know what you're talking about." I began. "I think, at some point long ago, I was angry at you for a similar reason, but I soon learned, the horrors of being the Rat." I said sadly.

He seemed surprised. "How much did you know?"

"I saw you one time, in your isolation room. Rin was sick, so Haru got me to come." My eyelids lowered. "I saw, you looked like you were close to death." I cut myself off, looking back up at him. "I'm glad you got out, and you seem to be doing _much_ better."

"Yeah, it sure was lucky when Shigure asked me to live with him, it was out of the blue, but I'll always be grateful."

I opened my mouth to speak, but something at the back of my mind stopped me. Haru helped Yuki out of selflessness, and never wanted credit. Then I realised that the nagging sensation at the back of my head was actually Haru approaching us. Not surprising, he'd be taking a similar route. I turned around and called out to him as he was just coming into view.  
"Haru! I know you're there! Don't think you can get out of this!"

"…How?" Yuki said in surprise.

"Just because I didn't get possessed doesn't mean the spirits completely ignored me."

"Wait you-" I wonder why he didn't know, I thought most inner Sohmas did, Haru did.  
"Yeah, I'm a Kiireji. Utaji specifically." I said bleakly.

"Right. Like the people who perform at the banquet every year."

"Yeah, exactly like that. I'll be singing again this year."

"Oh I-"  
"No, you're not sorry you missed it. You can hear me sing other ways."

He just smiled, then turning to greet Haru as he reached us.  
"It's a strange sight to see you two together." Haru said.

I rolled my eyes at him. "I _can_ be civil you know."

"Yes, Haru, Kanae and I were just talking, like normal classmates." The way he said it made it seem like he was trying to assure himself more than Haru.

"You should get along, you _are_ siblings."

"Half-siblings." I corrected.

"Three-quarter siblings." Haru rebutted dryly.

"I'm pretty sure I never heard of that actually being a real term."

"Just think about it. Yes you're half-siblings, but you're also first cousins, so you're basically full siblings."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever you say, Haru."

He just stared at me blankly. Like he always did. And like always, I could feel my anger and irritation fade away. I perked up, skipping ahead a few steps, looking up at the sky somewhat wistfully. "I'm hungry. We should get something to eat." I turned around, seeing Haru nod almost solemnly, and Yuki smile a little nervously. "Sure," Yuki said, his smile warming up. "That sounds wonderful, Kanae-san"

I didn't really care too much, about any of it. I wished that I could be with them normally, and not be so reticent and distant. Even if it was almost impossible for me to function normally, I could at least try. I could concentrate, and block out the dark waves and echoes. I could focus on Haru's white-wash, and actually try to enjoy the company of my relatives. I never had anything against Yuki himself, but his spirit. Both of their spirits. They are often referred to as "Vengeful spirits". They are selfish and angry. Only caring about themselves. They exist still only because they couldn't bear to be apart. Over the centuries their love and devotion fermented into the blistering hate, and then dulled into the embers of spite. They rejected that their hosts could love anyone else besides the other zodiac members. They only wanted to stay together, to stay with their "God". It was that conflict that made my skin crawl. The spirits want so badly to stay the same and continue locked in this bond, while the hosts, all they want is to be _free_.

* * *

(A/N) Again, I'll remind you, I have the story planned out till the end, but I am gonna space out the updates to give me time to perfect things, and so that this story has the opportunity get the largest possible visibility, so please be patient! Even though I wanna do updates once a week, I can't seem to wait that long! I'm always so eager to hear what you all think!  
So...leave a review, so i can _actually _Know what you think.

See you next time!


	10. The Future

(A/N)So, this chapter is a fun one! My longest so far because it's more of a collection of small vignettes that happen within two days of each other. As a reference point, this coincides directly with the end of Vol. 12 and beginning of Vol. 13 of the manga. If you squint enough at the early chapters you can see the other plot points too. From here on things start to get interesting.

Thanks again and I hope that you enjoy!

* * *

"Misaki." I approached my foster mother casually with the required flyer. "There's gonna be career counselling on Monday. And even though I just transferred, it's still required."

Misaki looked up from her book, taking her reading glasses off to look at me. "Oh, of course sweetie." She smiled, taking the paperwork, promptly putting her reading glasses back on. When you're a child, you never really think about your parents getting older, but then little things sneak in over time. "Ahh, I remember doing these back when I was your age." She looked over the document thoroughly. "I bet you're wondering what you should tell your teacher."

I shrugged. "I suppose. But, the Sohma family is also a company, so I can just say that I'm going into the family business, which is true."

She took off her glasses again, "You know, you do still have so freedom, you could leave, it's not like they're going to stop you."

"It's not the Elders I'm afraid of, or even Akito. They'll threaten, and Akito might actually do something violent, but they have no power over me, they're just _people_." I looked down, clasping my hands together. "But there is a very real force that binds me here. The spirits chose me as much as Yuki or any of the others. Even if I left, I'd still hear the _screaming_ in my nightmares, and hear that _incessant_ song. _Nothing_ will change."

"Kanae…" She stood up. She was still a little bit taller than me, but I wasn't sure how long that would last. "Kanae, you will _always _be your own person, no matter what. It doesn't matter what you've been told all your life, or what you believe. I _know_ that you are a human being, and human beings have control over their fates." She placed her hands on my shoulders. "I took you in Kanae, because I couldn't stand what the Sohma family was doing. I had to watch my one of my best friends suffer through her daughter's birth and childhood. Dealing with all that additional stress of this damn family on her shoulders. My entire life has been tainted by the curse too. My own mother was caught up in the same game that your mother played, and because of that I've never even _met_ my brother." I was shocked. Misaki had hardly ever mentioned her immediate family. She looked very serious, I started to understand. She saw something of herself in me.

She stepped back, letting herself calm down a bit. A soft smile formed on her face. "But…Kagura turned out okay, and you did too." Her warm gaze turned to me. "And I believe that you can do _so much _more, and find a life _away _from this place." She stepped forward again and shook me lightly to punctuate her statement.

I looked away, clearing my throat. "Thank you…M-m…" She tilted her head at me. "Thanks…mom…" The word came out as a broken croak, as I threw my arms around her. She was my mother, she has _always_ been there, and she deserved to be called as such, when it mattered.

* * *

"Sohma-san, thank you for coming." Mayuko-sensei greeted as Misaki and I sat down in the conference room.  
"Not a problem Shiraki-san." Misaki smiled. "You want to know about Kanae's goals in life, as I understand it?"  
"Basically, yes. Just to make sure that she has a plan in place, and that she is taking the appropriate classes now to prepare for that."

Misaki nodded and smiled. "Yes of course,"

Mayuko-sensei began looking through the papers on her desk. "As I understand it, Kanae was expelled from her last school for disciplinary reasons, and is enrolled in this school on a probationary tuition. Her grades were impeccable, if she can keep this up for the next testing period, she will be cleared to enrol in our sister cram school for next year."

"Actually," Misaki looked at me, "go ahead, tell me."

"I don't want to be enrolled in cram school. I know the main house took care of that for me, but, it wasn't my choice."

"That's fine, Kanae-san. I'll make note of that."

"And you want to join clubs right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I've talked to the Choir club advisor. I can sit in this semester and if I'm lucky they'll let me sing at the Culture Festival."

"That sounds great, Kanae, glad you're getting involved." She scribbled a little more on her paperwork. "The only thing left is to talk about your future career path. What do you have in mind?"

"I…" I cast my eyes down. "I'm not really sure."

"You could try to do something with music, go on to university and study it there." Mayuko-sensei suggested.

"I…could." Though I did love singing, I found it tainted and weighted down by its tru purpose. "Maybe I could…learn the piano."

"That's a start." She made another note.  
She turned to Misaki. "Sohma-san? Do you have anything else you want to tell me?"

"No, I trust Kanae, she can make her own decisions."

"Thank you very much for coming in." We stood up, saying our polite goodbyes to make room for the next appointment.

I felt fine. And I was glad for that. I even felt a little hopeful. I walked with her outside the school, and stopped at the gate.

"Have a safe trip home," I said to Misaki.  
"Huh?" She turned back to me. "Aren't you done with school for the rest of the day?"

"I told you, I have Choir Club."

"That's right, I'm so proud of you, and I hope that you have fun."

* * *

When I went back inside the school, I suddenly caught sight of Tohru, along with…_Shigure_…I grimaced.

"Oh ho ho." Shigure laughed the edge of his kimono covering his mouth. "When Yuki told me that his lovely sister began attending this school too, I almost didn't believe him!"

"I'm just going to ignore you."

"It's a shame I never see you, I wanted to tell you how _lovely _I thought your singing was, and how I look forward to your singing again this year."

"Ehh?!" Tohru exclaimed, looking from Shigure to me. "You sing, Kanae-san? That's so amazing!"

"Uhh…yeah…_thanks_?"

Shigure gave her an amused look. "Now now, Tohru-kun, now's not the time to give Kanae-chan the 20 questions."

"Oh!" She said, with a look of almost laughable horror. "I-I'm sorry!"

I gave an awkward smile, starting to walk away.  
"Goodbye Kanae-chan! Come see uncle Shigure soon!" I swear…that bastard…

I was walking so swiftly that I accidentally ran straight into someone. A male student, I surmised.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't see you there!" It was that peppy guy from the first day of school. _Dammit, I still can't really sense his Aura clearly._

"No it was me that ran into you. Don't apologise so much. It comes off as pathetic."

"Ah, thanks for the advice." He…didn't _sound_ sarcastic or reproachful. I wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

"Did you have your conference already?"

"Yes, but I don't see how that concerns you."

"Wow, you really don't do small talk at all, do you?"

"I think it's pointless. Is that a problem?" I gave him a somewhat suspicious look.

"No," he replied with a smile. "I find it quite refreshing, actually."

An older man cleared his throat from behind the boy.

"Tamaki-sama, we really must be going. We must hurry. Your father will not tolerate tardiness in the slightest."

"Of course, Tanaka-san." He smiled _politely _at his…his Valet? Butler?

_ Wow he must be some sort of big shot, or his father's just a rich asshole._

At that point, _Tamaki-sama_ turned back to me, and smiled. "It was nice running into you, I hope we can meet again." It was still so odd to me how his politeness actually seemed real. Now I was really curious. Seriously, there had to be something. Some dark past or deep-rooted resentment.

I watched him go before I pushed to be free from the crowd. Once I found some free space I felt better. Less on-edge. Rarely did I find myself intrigued like this by anyone. Most humans were all-around the same. Petty, selfish, angry, regretful, shameless. But, everyone in a while somewhere I would see a flicker of something different. More often than naught it was just a fluke or a falsehood.

Humans cannot escape their base desires, no matter how much they hope to deceive themselves.

* * *

The next day was when Yuki's moth—my _aunt_ finally decided to show her miserable face. She was as entitled as ever, being the only one who needed to reschedule. I knew as well as any other that Yuki's Parents used all their "Zodiac Money" to live it up as far away from their children as much as possible. It made me sick. Yuki looked rather distraught when I saw him go meet her. I admit that my blood also ran cold at the sight of her, remembering that day when I first discovered the curse.

I was around, most classes were off and we had free-study period. I heard a commotion near the conference room. I came across Kyou who seemed to be avoiding the crowd.  
"What the hell's going on over there?"

"That idiot Ayame decided to show up. He's busy making a scene as you would expect."

"I bet." He was his usual slumpy self. He seemed a bit grouchy. "Why are you still here? You know you could just go home if you wanted to."

"Tch. Yeah, I know, why do you think I was leaving? I'm probably gonna go to the Dojo." His face softened only slightly, turning to me. "Wanna come? You haven't been around in a while."

"I have club after school so I have to stick around. I'll come around after that, kay?"

"Sure." I let him walk ahead of me. It was nice to see him at least _try _to be social.

I went the opposite direction to find something to do until club.

After waiting around a while, I found that I was still worried about Yuki. I had no idea if he'd be in class or if he decided to just go home. I wondered what happened. I can't imagine that his mother was very conducive to whatever Yuki wished. From what I could gather she had a very ridged view of things she was cold and stiff.

I saw him when he was making the rounds during club hours. I had recently joined the choir club as a trial member, and decided to say something before I forgot.

"Hey, Yuki-kun."

He smiled pleasantly. "Hello, Kanae-san."

"You doing alright? You seemed kinda upset when your mother showed up."

His smile was thin. "I'm alright Kanae-san, thanks for your concern."

"Yuki, there's no use lying to me."

"I suppose not."

"I just…" I pressed my lips together. "I know we're not that close, but," I brought to mind the feeling I got from him, the desperate, cold feeling. One that I hadn't felt from him since we were children. "But, you…we…you could tell me about it, if you want. Sometime, someday." I shook my head. "Sorry, I probably sound ridiculous."

"No, no, Kanae-san it's okay. I don't mind, and I appreciate the offer."

I nodded. "I can see you are busy, but, just, I would like to help…if I can."

He "smiled" again. "Thank you Kanae-san, I really appreciate it."

I withdrew. I wasn't going to get through. It was naïve of me to try now when we weren't even that close. I wanted to help, his pain was so evident to me, while it was so easy for everyone else to ignore.

"S-sorry for interrupting your duties." I mentally punched myself as I watched him walk away. I felt so stupid and useless.

* * *

That afternoon, I upheld my promise to Kyou and visited the Dojo. My official lesson were ceased when I entered high school, since I was supposed to only focus on music, according to the main house. Kazuma greeted me warmly as always, Kunimitsu even showed his face for a brief moment.

I changed into my Karate robes, walking through the different chambers until I came to the open warm-up area, where I hoped to find Kyou.

"Oi." I said in greeting.

He finished his practice form with a round-house kick on the practice dummy before acknowledging me.

"Hey." He did the ceremonial bow to end his forms, then did some warm-down stretches.

"Just finishing up?"

"Yeah, just enough to make sure I don't go soft." It was funny, he was so much taller now. I had so many memories of him here when we were younger, seeing tiny little Kyou trying to kick at the full-sized punching bag.

_"Idiot, you're going to hurt yourself."_

_"Shut up Kanae. You're not the boss of me."_

_"So what? If you hurt yourself now you won't be able to complete the trials next week. I'm already a belt ahead of you, you need to catch up."_

_"Whatever. Someday I'm gonna beat you **and **__that stupid rat!"_

_"Hey! Don't put me in the same category as him!"_

_"Hey! Let go of me!"_

The memories of that time were fragmented. Some of them happy, some of them not, most of them just…blank.

"Hey…" He waved a hand in front of me. "You still in there?"

I jerked back to the present, looking up to meet his peculiar

"Wanna spar? I haven't been practicing much, so you might actually beat me." I teased.

"Tch. I'll beat you just like that goddamn rat-boy."

"You mean not at all?" I sidestepped as he swung at me. I quickly countered him, only to be blocked. He attempted to grab my arm and break my defense but I broke free, stepping around him to get a better angle.

He responded by adjusting his stance expertly "Take that! He yelled, swinging a punch that I ducked.

I was at a disadvantage because of my smaller size, he could easily over power me, but his legs were long and his centre of gravity high, all I had to do was—

"D-dammit!" He swore as he fell to the ground, me with him. We both landed painfully in a tangle of limbs and hair. I had miscalculated and had lost my step, causing me to land awkwardly on top of him. He didn't transform as I was able to keep myself aloft, only just. We both panted a bit winded and pissed off.

Just as, the fates decided to be a bit fickle.

There was a shocked, high-pitched gasp, and then words that were mostly stuttering. "I-I-I-I-'m-m…s-s-o s-sorry! I-I-I didn't mean to interrupt!" I rolled away, cursing loudly along with Kyou. He was notable flustered.

"Should I try and help explain?" I asked, laying sprawled out on my back.

"No…" He groaned, standing up. "I'll take care of it." He was obviously much closer to Tohru than I was. But I still wanted to tag along, curious on how Kyou would interact with her, since apparently he was actually a human being around her; and according to Momiji, he was totally in love with her.

I waited a few moments, and then pursued them, instantly finding myself entertained when they came in to ear shot as neither of them were really getting anywhere as to actually _communicating._

"Honda-san." I said in a firm voice. "Stop freaking out. We were sparring and we fell over." Only then did I actually look at them. Kyou had his hand on either side of her head, apparently trying to calm her down, and she just looked extremely flustered.

I elbowed Kyou in the side. "Oi, that's not how you treat a lady!" He grunted, jerking away. I put an arm on Tohru's back. "Come with me, Honda-san. Let's get you some tea."

She nodded, already calming down a bit, outwardly at least. It was really a bad idea for me to touch her. She didn't burn like Akito or Black Haru, she festered. The bright light of here willpower frothed and writhed around, trying desperately to hide a seething blackness below.

"Kazuma-Shishou?" I called as I made my way to the kitchen. "I'm sure he won't mine." I let Tohru go, letting Kyou guide her to the sitting room. "I'll make tea."  
"Oh no…" Tohru said, breaking from Kyou. "I can do it! To apologise!"  
"Honda-san. I said I'm making the tea, now go sit down before I make you." I said with a contradictory smile.

She complied with a swift bow. I turned my back to them, taking out the tea-pot and filling it for three.

AS the pot was boiling, I leaned up against the counter. I could glimpse the two of them, just sitting and talking. I couldn't hear them from this distance, but I did my best _just _to see them. I watched their facial expressions, and saw how they reacted to one another. The people I was seeing were completely different from what I felt, but that didn't make it any less real.

The teakettle shouted at me, and I took it off the heat quickly.  
"Hey? And cream or sugar?" I called to them.  
"Two sugar, one cream, please." Tohru smiled at me.  
"You know I like it black," Kyou said.  
I nodded, taking out the sugar and cream for Tohru. I sometimes like a little cream in mine, but today I just wanted it black.

I brought them their tea, and joined them at the table. Kneeling properly as I always did. Kyou had his legs sprawled to the side, but Tohru was taking the proper approach like I was.

I sipped my tea placidly, secretly hoping that Tohru wouldn't—

"Ahh! The tea is delicious Kanae-san!"  
_Dammit. _

I swallowed my mouthful with slight difficulty. "Thanks, it's nothing much. I've been the one to make tea since I could hold a tea kettle." I smiled candidly.

"Oh, so do you cook mostly too?"

"No, my mom can handle most of that. I can handle cold stuff pretty well. I always tend to overcook things otherwise."

"Ah, I was wondering. Since Yuki-kun can't really cook, I was just wondering if you were the same."

My eyebrow twitched. I took another sip of tea to calm myself. "Yeah, no. Me and Yuki were brought up very…_differently._"

"Ah, and, if you don't mind my asking, do you live near the others in the "Inside"?" She may look docile but she was surprisingly bold.  
"Yes, more or less. My house is Inside, yes."

"Ah, but, you aren't a cursed animal are you…"

My hands clenched around the cup. I felt Kyou look at me worriedly. "No, no I am not. I am not so _fortunate._" I said, a considerable amount of venom leaking into my voice.

Kyou decided to speak up. "Hey Tohru, I'm hungry, could you whip us up something?"

"Oh, of course, Kyou-kun."

I groaned, collapsing onto the table as she skipped away. Honestly, that girl.  
"Please…try not to kill her."

"Wasn't I trying hard enough?"

"Y'know she doesn't mean any of it."

"I know…" I sighed. "But how on earth does she manage to say the exact _wrong _things."

"I honestly am trying to understand that too." I sensed his posture relax, and I felt his aura soften. "But y'know, most of the time, she knows how to say the exact _right _things."

I looked at him? "I guess so. Like, how on earth did she get you and Yuki to get along?"

He sighed. "She didn't _get _us to do anything. Despite what you may have heard." His eyes opened, looking up. "I don't know, I don't really need to explain it."

"You don't need to." I assured. "Your Aura says enough. She hasn't _changed _you per se, she just…_distilled _you." I still wasn't 100% on my word choice.  
He gave a light chuckle. "That's _one _way to put it."  
I laughed in return. "I'm glad, it means I can actually stand to be around you longer!"  
"Hey! What's that's supposed to me!" He swung a playful punch at me and I blocked him.

It was sad that it was so strange for us to be this normal.

* * *

(A/N) I hope you liked it, and i look forward to hearing from you all! Please don't hesitate to send me questions, comments or critiques, _especially critiques. _Otherwise, how do I expect to grow as a writer!

Cheers,  
Lucy


	11. The Breeze

(A/N) Sorry this took longer than usual. I had a busy week and had a bit of writer's block. But, this is the long-awaited appearance of Ayame-san! Oh, I hope I did okay. I do think I may have brushed over it a bit, but I didn't want to re-tread the stuff he said to yuki and what not, but i hope you enjoy it!

* * *

I was in a downtown area that I wasn't familiar with, looking for something specific. A gift, that shouldn't be too hard to find. I was never much for fashion or accessories, so I had no idea where to find what I needed, but I was determined. That's what friends did as I understood it.

There were people all around, so I was already on edge. I had hoped to go during a time with less traffic, but I suppose anytime on a Saturday was bound to be busy.

And even through the thick cloud of people, I somehow was able to hear my name being called.

"Sohma Kanae-san?" I turned at the sudden address, I didn't recognise the aura right away, so I was very confused.

"Who are you." I narrowed my eyes at him.  
"Come on, it's me, Tamaki. We met not too long ago." He said defeatedly.

"…"

"We're schoolmates, that has to count for _something_."

"Sure. Was there something you wanted?" I remembered him. The preppy guy.

He raised an eyebrow. "Maybe I just wanted to say hi."

"Okay."

He laughed nervously. "Are you shopping? Mind if I join you?"

"I don't see why not. Do you know this area?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"Good. Because I have no idea where to go."

"I'm sure I can help you out." I was apprehensive, because his Aura was conspicuously pure. He wasn't totally white. No one was, Haru was proof enough of that, but he was close. He was a very very light blue, and getting lighter it seemed.

"So what are you looking for?"

"A gift."

"Oh, who for?"

"A friend."

"Oh?"

"Yes." I confirmed.

"Do you need ideas?"

"No, I know what to get, I just have no idea _where_."

"I'm sure I can help. I father even owns one of the big department stores, so maybe I can get you a discount."

I rolled my eyes. "Not only are you an honour-student class rep, but you're also a rich kid? Who would have thought?"

"I really wouldn't complain about that _Sohma-san._"I winced. I suppose I didn't mind him calling me by my first name, since I oh-so-despised my last name.

"Shut up." I grumbled. "Okay, you know Hatsuharu, right?"

"Yeah, everyone knows about him."

"Uh-huh, well, it's his birthday soon so I'm getting him a gift." I didn't _actually_ know when his birthday was, but it had been about a year since the last time I bought him something, so it seemed right.

"So, I'm guessing my father's stores won't help you much."

"Unless he owns a goth-loli store, no."

"We could take a train to the Harujuku district…" I gave him a blank look. "You don't know what that is…?" I shook my head. "You're a _girl_ who lives in _Tokyo_ and-"

"Sorry, I suppose I never got out much when I was a kid. My family is the _traditional _type. Most of the main house doesn't really even have electricity."

"Oh, I see." He smiled, "C'mon, there's an area near here that will give you an idea of what to expect. Some little niche stores and stuff."

"You know this _why_?"

"I'm gonna go into the business soon, so I'm expected to understand the economic climate." He shrugged.

"Okay, sure, let's go."

He led me through the throngs of people, something that was rather unpleasant for me. I kept close, and Tamaki seemed to notice.  
"Kanae-san? Are you alright? You look kind of ill."

"N-no…I just—I just _really _don't like crowds."

"Oh, I see, that's fine. I can understand how it can make people uncomfortable." I'm not sure you can, but the sentiment was nice. "Here, I think I have an idea." We veered off the path into a small side-street. "This route will take a little longer, but I'm sure it will make you feel better."

I was momentarily shocked. Why was he being so nice? And _how? _His Aura was very pure, but not unnaturally so like the Utaji. I was inclined to be suspicious, but it was hard when he seemed so _genuine._ "Th-thanks…" I managed to utter.

We were silent, which was even worse since the area around us was nearly devoid of people or crowds. He eventually let go of me, not wanting to seem rude or creepy I think.

"Here," he said after a while. "This area may have what you're looking for." There were a smattering of small boutiques and specialty stores. The most irritatingly ornate one caught my eye. Then I actually read the sign.

"Wait, oh _god_." But it was too late. It looked like Ayame was leaving anyway, then he spotted me.

"Oh! Kanae-chan! My dear little sister has returned home at last!"

"Sister?" I heard Tamaki utter. I grabbed his arm and ushered him away.  
"Sorry, Ayame-san! I'm very busy and I have to go!"

"Oh, how could you be too busy for family!?" Dammit, he was coming closer. I couldn't risk him transforming in front of Tamaki. "And who is your _handsome _friend here? Your secret lover beyond the Sohma walls? How romantic!" I swerved out of the way, releasing the thoroughly confused Tamaki.

"Ayame-san!" I yelled.

"Yes, my dear?" He said, completely oblivious. I had to avoid a scene.

"I—I'm looking for something. Perhaps you can help me."

"Of course, of course. We have a vast selection of wedding gowns for you to elope-"

"Ayame!" I flushed. "Stop jumping to conclusions!"

"Of course, I would _never_ do such a thing."

I groaned. "Kyouhara-san, this is my cousin, and Yuki's older brother, Ayame-san." I flashed him a deadly glare. "And Ayame, Kyouhara-san is a schoolmate of mine. He was helping me shop."

"Ah, yes of course, I understand completely." Ayame nodded, placing a hand on his chin.

Tamaki was at the very least at a loss for words. "Oh, I remember now, you came on Yuki-san's conference day…"

I rolled my eyes. "Don't remind me."

Ayame took an overly dramatic pose as he began speaking once again. "Oh, but my only regret is that I was not able to behold the beauty of my beloved imouto-san!"

Tamaki gave me a look as if to ask: _"Why does he keep calling you that?"_

I just sighed and directed my gaze back to Ayame.

"Ayame…"

"No! Please! You must call me Onii-sama!"

"No, Ayame, I'm not going to do that." I deadpanned, while grabbing both him and Tamaki by the arms. "Let's just get out of the damn street first."

* * *

Inside, I felt like I was going to _drown_ in ruffles and silk. This was definitely not what I was looking for, but it had to at least be a start, maybe.

"Ayame-san." I pushed past some unkempt bolts of clothing.

"Yes, Kanae-chan? What is your desire?" He said.

"Well…" I continued to think. I could hear that Tamaki was attempting to be sociable with Miné-san. I'm sure it was entertaining. "I…."

"Don't be ashamed, Kanae-chan!" He grabbed both of my hands, looking at me forlornly.

"I-" I said, with a wide-eyed awkward smile. "I just wanna get something nice for Haru. Maybe…something that would remind him of Isuzu?"

"Oh! Of course!" He released me with such force that I almost lost me balance. "Something that symbolises their unity! I have just the thing!" Ayame rushed off into the frilly abyss that was the back of his shop, calling for Miné-san to join him.

Tamaki walked up to join me. "What's that about? Who is…Isuzu-san?"

"Haru's…girlfriend…?" I said, stretching out the word with my uncertainty.  
"Well, is she, or isn't she?"

"_Teeechnically_, she broke up with him, but it's complicated, since I know they're still both really into each other." I became slightly more serious, thinking of a way to fudge it for Tamaki. "It's…not considered proper among our Family." I supplied weakly.

"What? Are they that closely related?"

"No…" I panicked, searching desperately for another explanation. "There's a whole lot of complicated rules about…marriage and…stuff."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Is there really?"

"Yeah. Lots of old-money bullshit going on. Very boring."

He gave a slight laugh. "I'm _sure._" His expression softened. "You sure you don't wanna tell me? I like a good boring story about old-money bullshit."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm sure you do." I scowled.

"Here it is!"

"What is it?"

"It is a horseshoe-nail pendant!"  
"…why?"

He looked at me, utterly appalled that I didn't understand. "Why the reason is obvious! It is a symbol of their everlasting love!"

"So…their love is a small metal object used to piece into the feet of innocent animals, got it."

He made a dramatic pose. "It is a symbol, because it is the tool that secures a horse's strength and versatility, like dear Isuzu-chan! She is a vestige of strength and resilience!"

"I still think it's weird."

Tamaki, who seemed to be suppressing a laugh the whole time, finally spoke up. "I think it's perfect. You wanted something that would remind Hatsuharu-san of Isuzu-san right? And I think it would go perfectly with his sense of style!" He seemed very amused by all this.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, I'll take it." I took the pendant, reaching into my bag for my wallet. "How much?"

He grinned wide, forming his fingers into a circle. "How could I charge my dear little sister for such a thing? Who could I call myself your brother then?"

"You're not my brother."

He fell back, behaving as if he had been shot. "Rejection! I have been rejected!"

"You ignored me just like you ignored Yuki, I'm not as much of a pansy as he is."

"Kanae! You mustn't speak of your brothers like that, it is unbefitting a _lady_!"

I didn't have to take this. "I don't have any brothers, Ayame. I _never_ did!" I turned sharply on my heel, grabbing Tamaki by the hand. "C'mon, we're going."

He didn't really complain, and I didn't heed Ayame as he called after me.

As we walked, Tamaki ventured a question.

"Do you, do you mind explaining a bit of what just happened…?"

"Yes I do mind."

:"Oh."

"At least right now, I'll just get angrier if I talk about it more. Ask me some other time."

"Oh? Does that mean I can see you again?"

"Hm?" I looked at him, surprised. "Sure, I don't see why not."

He laughed suddenly. "Ah, I understand, Kanae-san."

He was courteous enough to let me steam a bit on my own again. I was yet to fully dissect why exactly I was so angry. I guess I thought it just felt presumptuous of Ayame, that his blood relation to me would in any way excuse him of his actions. I don't believe in blood ties. I never had. Blood ties betrayed me since the day I was born, and seem to continue so.

* * *

At the train station, we said our goodbyes.

"Wait, Kanae-san." He reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone. "Let's exchange cell-numbers!"

"Not only is that revoltingly cliché, but, I don't actually have a cell phone."

"Not a problem." He reached into his bag, pulling out a pen and a scrap of paper. I waited as he wrote something there. "Here, just in case you wanna reach me for some reason. Let me know how Hatsuharu-san likes his gift."

"Sure thing." My words dropped like pebbles as he left. I felt a strange matted feeling rise up in me. Was I…sad? Sad to see him go? But why would I be? I hardly knew him.

It was sad to see anyone go, I suppose. He was the first person outside of the Sohma family I'd had any real extended interaction with. For me it was like a sweet sea breeze. He reminded me of the trip I took to the sea when I was a child. I remember Misaki taking me by the hand and leading me to wade in the sea surf. It was that clean, clear feeling that I remember.

The train whistle blew, and I started, boarding the train before it left without me. When aboard, I pressed my face to the chilled glass, straining to watching him go like a child after her parent.

"Tamaki…san…" I said ponderingly. "We will meet like this again."


	12. The Break

(A/N) With this chapter we've officially passed the half-way point! This is the chapter that I may have been hinting at for a while. Rin shows up in this chapter, and does her thing and makes me sad as always.  
For those of you who like Haru and Kanae together, this chapter has some bad news for you.

* * *

She was the last person that I _ever_ expected to see. She had become so infuriatingly ethereal and distant. The long black hair that flowed with the breeze, and her empty black gaze. Even those who could not see the colour of her aura found themselves at a distance, in reverence and…_sadness_.

There was a brief time when I had foolishly called her my rival, that time when I had felt the most in need of Haru's attention. But I learned all too quickly that there would never be any competition with her. Haru was devoted, he would never sway. And to that end, his devotion seemed to have curdled into obsession.

"Isuzu-san." I said bleakly. She turned to me with a glare, a glare that oddly enough…softened when she saw who I was.

"It's you." She took a few steps towards me, I had to stand my ground though I had the overwhelming urge to run.

"Yes, it's me." I said a bit coyly. From what I've heard, I hardly expected her to bother with me.

"Still chasing after Haru I see." She hardly emoted at all. Despite the fact that we were both close to Haru, we still never interacted much.  
I shook my head. "I'm not going to play these jealousy games with you. You know how kind Haru is, he will always help others in need, that's what he is to me; kind, and nothing more." I turned to the side. "You shouldn't play him like this, his heart is volatile, and without you his splits get even worse." As much as I hated it in my heart, as much as I felt I deserved him… "Isuzu…are you listening?" I looked back at her, my expression hardening, but there was nothing I could possibly do to phase her.

She began to walk past me slowly, dark ribbons passing over her pale skin, lighting gracefully in the air.

Her eyes opened, staring directly at me, twin pure onyx orbs, silencing my every thought in their frightening beauty. "I have one request for you." She looked at me, the black of her eyes not betraying anything. "Stay with Haru. He needs someone to stay by his side." I knew what she was asking me, and I could feel how much it hurt to ask this of me.

"Rin…as much as I wish I could-" she cut be off, a small flare of anger igniting.

"You _can't_ leave him, he can't lose someone else." She said angrily.

"I can't because I can't replace you in his heart, _nothing_ can."

Her eyes closed and she walked away. "I'm _entrusting_ him to you."

"He's not yours to give away, Rin, despite what you may feel, he's never going to give up on you."

"…he's a fool."

She turned away, without another word. I didn't bother to stop her. There was nothing that I could do. It was strange, part of me felt like I should be happy that she was offering me the love of my life on a silver platter, but I wasn't. It was hopeless from the very beginning. Haru would never love anyone else like he loved Rin. I wished he wouldn't. It's not like I wanted him to love me or anything, not specifically. A strong part of me wished that he could forget her. Then maybe he could move forward and leave some of his darkness behind him.

* * *

I found Haru after school, and I wanted to surprise him. It was almost silly, but I hoped that it would at least help. We took a detour on the way home through a small district of shops that had my favourite Monja place. We opted for getting some shaved ice as we walked through a park. We probably looked like a couple, something I shouldn't mind, but I did, just a little.

"I got a lecture today about cram school." I said over my almost empty cone. Haru looked at me. "'The same crap about "disgracing the family name" and whatever."

Haru looked up, "I remember when Yuki said the same thing. They grow up so fast."

"What?" I asked. "Seriously Haru."

He just gave me that blank stare. His way of urging me on. "I told them no. I'm getting grades good enough to get into just about any university, even though I won't be permitted to apply." I looked up at the grey skies. It was probably going to rain later. "But I will anyway. I'll get accepted to Tokyo U just to show them." I said without any conviction.

Haru was distressingly subdued, it made me concerned. After my run-in with Rin, I knew she was up and about, but obviously hadn't come running back to him like he had hoped. I wanted to bring it up, but was afraid at what would happen if I did.

But, I suppose I just had a death wish.  
"So, have you heard from Rin recently?" I said as casually as was humanly possible.

"No, have you?"  
"No, only what Kagura's told me, which isn't much." I lied carefully. If he were completely white, he would have caught me, he always could. But not now, not when we was teetering on the edge.

"You go to her house often right? You haven't seen her there?" No, as Rin just had a habit over randomly appearing _everywhere else _besides her own damn house.

"No." This kind of forced conversation was what I hated most. But I could sense the distinct darkening of his Aura when he spoke of her. His feelings for her were just so intense, it still baffled me. "When you talk about her, you turn grey, Haru." I glanced at him.

"Isn't that good? Shouldn't I be balanced?"  
"No. You just keep getting darker, no matter what." I'm not sure if I even made any sense. I _hated_ seeing him like this. He was so unstable at just the mention of her. His thoughts and feelings flew out of control, so fast that it made me nauseous. "She's basically like black dye," my metaphor was going weird places. I shook my head. "What I mean is, I don't think...If all she does is turn you into the Black Haru you hate, it would be best to give up on her." I was desperate. Rin was good in some ways, she helped him even out, but if something went wrong, even the smallest thing, there was nothing there to keep him from becoming the full on Black Haru that made me fear for my life.

He didn't burst, not yet. He just seemingly ignored me, tossing his empty cone in the trash. "C'mon, let's go home."

I nodded. "Sorry Haru, I just-"

"You just nothing." He said suddenly. "You shouldn't get involved in what doesn't concern you."

I crumpled my eyebrows at him. "Okay, now you're sounding just like _Rin_. It is my business, you're my friend!"

"You keep saying that, but you said yourself that you didn't know what that meant."

"Yeah, I did, but that was years ago, and I've grown up since then."

"And so that means you know everything now?"

"No, but I know _more._" I said defiantly.

He just looked away, shoving his hands in his pockets. "You don't know anything about how I feel about Rin."

I gawked at him. "Are you fucking **_serious!?_" **What the _hell_ is wrong with him? "Everything you feel, _I _feel. I _know_ how much you love her and it makes me **_sick_**! It's _consuming_ you, it's all I ever _feel_ from you! You're not the Haru I know anymore!"

He looked at me, fully black now. "You think you know? You think you _fucking_ know?" He began to walk towards me menacingly, the darkness growing in malevolence. "You _don't _know. You don't have to deal with it _every waking moment. _This black, gnawing _empty_ feeling!" He began tearing at the cloth of his shirt, over his heart. "It burns Kanae, it fucking _burns._" I couldn't look at him, I was starting to shut down in fear. "You don't know what it feels like to love someone so much that _nothing _is normal when they're gone!" He had backed me up against the wall of an old shrine. I opened my eyes, staring deep in to the black pits that his eyes had become.

"No Haru, _I **do**._" My throat began to close up, I probably was going to cry. "I do, because when you're like this, I feel like I can't _breathe_! When you're like this, you're _dead _to me." I said as tears fought to slide down my cheeks.

Suddenly his hands went to my neck.  
"How about I make you not breathe for **_real_**_._"

I tried desperately to shake him off, thrashing and fighting to speak.

He released me for a moment and I gasped for air. Panting raggedly.

"Rin…deserves better than…**_you_**_._" Is what I managed, and what seemed to be the exact _wrong_ thing to say.

"Why don't you just SHUT! UP!" He shrieked, his anger transforming him into something _inhuman_. This wasn't Haru anymore. This was the jealous rage of the Cow spirit, the one who has always ridiculed and shamed. The slow stupid cow.

But its new vessel was anything but. For all my speed and skill, I was overpowered by his raw strength.

I honestly don't remember much. I feel like I voluntarily blacked out because it was everything that I hated and wished would just go away. Although, I think I may have blacked out from lack of oxygen, because I think he had started strangling me again. When I woke up, my voice was ragged, as my windpipe had been crushed. But, he was kind enough to leave me in a dry patch near an old shrine

I sobbed dryly. I didn't even get to give him my gift. It was silly now, but it was important to me then. I took the pendant out of my pocket, and buried it in the ground near the crossroad. Maybe it would curse him or something, that might at least turn this experience into a slight net positive.

It's not like I was overly surprised, me and Haru never really fit. I could never go on only loving _half_ of him. I didn't even know if we could even be friends anymore. I needed to be able to trust him completely.

It hurt. It would _always_ hurt. I was leaving him when he needed me the most.

* * *

(A/N) Thanks again, and I look forward to hearing from you! Expect chapter 13 up soon!


	13. The Wound

(A/N) I was gonna wait, but i have no freaking discipline. chapter is a direct chronological follow-up to the last, as I am sure many of you are glad for.  
And the main four show up in the chapter! Hooray!

I hope you enjoy!

* * *

I still don't know _why_ I went to Shigure's house of all places. It seemed to be just the place to go. It seemed to be the half-way house for Sohma children at this point. I couldn't go back to Sohma House now, and at least I could call Misaki from there to let her know where I was. So far, it was an evening full of clichés. I showed at Shigure's front door, soaking wet and covered in several small wounds.

The door swung open revealing Shigure with an amused expression on his face.

"What do we have here? If it isn't miss-"

"Just let me in the house, _asshole_." I growled, my voice like gravel.

"Ah! She's angry! Yuki! Protect me!" He said dragging Yuki by the arm into the doorway. I'm pretty sure we both groaned in unison.

Yuki actually led me in, offering me a dry towel from the wash. I wrapped it around myself gratefully.

"I would like to know what on earth happened to you, but I'll let you get dried off first."

"Yeah, I don't want to add catching a cold to my list of shit things today," I said a little too loudly for my damaged windpipe. Yuki's eyes darted to my neck, seeming to notice the forming bruises there.

He nodded, turning to call to a different part of the house. "Honda-san? Could you come help me?"

Tohru came walking calmly into the room, until she saw me, then she went into full panic mode.

"K-k-k-k-Kanae-san! Wh-what happened to you!?" She began waving her arms frantically, while Yuki attempted to calm her down.

"Honda-san, how about we let Kanae-san get dried off before we interrogate her?"

"Oh! Of course!" She smiled, very brightly, I almost felt the need to squint. She led me upstairs to the guest restroom, allowing me to take a hot bath. I tended to my injuries as best I could with the first aid supplies. When I dried off, Tohru found some clothes for me to borrow. I wore one of Tohru's dresses like a shirt and had to borrow a pair of Yuki's pants, which I didn't really mind.

When I was tended to, it was late evening, and Tohru insisted on serving me tea for my throat. She still didn't seem to have put two and two together yet.

"Well then," Shigure said, fanning himself with a newspaper. "I must say this is a surprise, Kanae-chan." I glared at him over my teacup. Not willing to strain my vocal chords over him.

"Shigure, _please_ refrain from troubling her." Yuki said stiffly.

I had also borrowed a scarf to hide the evidence, and to keep me warm. I unconsciously snuggled a bit closer to Yuki who was sitting next to me at the Kotatsu. He didn't recoil, for which I was thankful. I still noticed that he seemed just a little bit uncomfortable. Probably he just wasn't expecting me to be affectionate at all. It just so happened that I was at one of those vulnerable points. Kyou was seated on my other side. He had definitely at least surmised what had happened to me. His fist was clenched, he just didn't want to burst out in front of Tohru I think. I couldn't tell them now, if Kyou found out who did this, he'd probably just bolt and track down Haru down to kill him.

But even so, I still didn't blame him. I never seemed to be able to.

After a short while, Yuki spoke up. "Honda-san? Why don't you go set up the guest room for Kanae-san?"

"Okay!" She complied, quickly cleaning the kitchen a bit before she whizzed off. The others were notably still while they waited for her to leave. I was busy doing my best to shut out their Aura's so that I didn't go freaking insane.

When she was gone, Shigure, oddly enough, was the one who spoke up. "So, I'm pretty sure we're all thinking the same thing. We need to know exactly what happened to you, it's only polite don't you think?" He still had that annoying smile on his face.

Kyou slammed a fist on the table. "Yeah what the _hell_ Kanae? Did someone try to _strangle_ you? You shouldn't be so damn _calm_ about it!" I didn't meet his eyes.

Yuki calmly placed his tea cup down, suppressing his irritation at Kyou. "I think what Kyou was trying to say is that he's worried about you."

"Awww how _sweet._" Shigure crooned. "Got a little _crush_ have we?"

"I'm just going to ignore you." Kyou replied, a vein throbbing in his forehead.

I would have giggled if my throat weren't sandpaper made out of metal shards. Instead it just came out as a light cough.

I sighed. "I'll try to be succinct, so forgive me if I don't display the proper emotional facilities about this event." I coughed again. I think I felt Yuki jerk in my direction, but I couldn't quite tell out of the corner of my eye. "It was…Haru. Well, not actually, it was his Spirit, more accurately."

"What the hell, are you making _excuses_ for that bastard? He could have _killed _you." Kyou said in disbelief.

I remained silent.

"So what would happen if he _did_ kill you? Would you blame him then!?" I had told Kyou about what happened at the shrine a year ago, that seemed to just make it worse.

"Kyou, that's enough." Yuki said with surprising authority. "What matters is that Kanae is safe."

He sighed and shrugged. "Fine, _whatever_. It's just, this has happened _before_, and it looks like I'm the only one she told."

"Kyou..." I whispered.  
He glanced at me, before walking off. "I'm gonna...go check up on Tohru." He muttered.

Yuki gently placed a hand on my shoulder. "You should rest, Kanae-san. You can stay here and then return home when you feel better."

I nodded. Following Yuki as he stood up.  
"Uhm, I believe _I'm_ the owner of this house..." Shigure said with an annoyed lilt in his voice. "Shouldn't you at least ask _me_ about this?"  
Yuki responded with a bit of venom in his voice. "Are you saying that you'd let her freeze to death in the rain?"  
"Oh no…but,"  
"Then there's no problem." He urged me away, upstairs to where Kyou and Tohru were. I could hear their voices through the hallway as we neared.

Tohru's head peaked out just Kyou emerged. "Oh Kanae-san! Your room is ready, I hope you recover soon!" I nodded in thanks. Yuki kept guiding me as they passed, he even came into the room with me. He seemed like he had something that he wanted to say.  
"Kanae…" I looked at him with light surprise. "I really did mean, it, I'm glad you're safe but." He looked at me seriously. "I don't think that you should forgive Haru so easily." I cast my eyes down.

I opened my mouth to speak, but through the better of it. Yuki let go of me finally, resting a hand on the door frame as he left. "Don't hesitate to ask if you need anything else." Then he left without another word. He was smiling though, a sad smile, I think.

With that comfort in my mind, I drifted into a dream-infested sleep.

* * *

I was standing in the surf. The cold waft of the ocean blanketing my senses. I could smell the brine, _taste_ it on my tongue. The waves crashing all around me were like a lullaby. The axis of the earth was tilted, and I found myself walking through the sea-foam. Ghosting along the surface in the waxing moonlight.

I was walking towards a storm, mesmerised by its massive beauty. The clouds were black and towering, stark-white lightening arcing above me. I reached out to touch the figure there, a boiling mass of white, but the flames burnt my hands, burned my heart and set my whole awareness ablaze.

I turned to ashes and floated away on the wind, coasting back over the shore and dispersing into the woods. It hurt. I was broken apart and scattered, yet I still felt the pain.

It was a long stretch, where I was nothing but the dust. Screaming soundlessly and aching in the cold. I felt this in my core. The whole of my detached mind, mourning for lost love, mourning for wasted time.

Until, on the wind that carried me, I smelled the sea-breeze again.

That fresh cool scent that coated my being with a cool comfort. I thought of a name, a face, but nothing came to me. I only felt the life of me return as I stood up from the dust, rolling aches returning in waves, as I suddenly had a body to feel injury.

Eventually I found myself conscious again.

There was not light coming in, it was still late in the night, and all I could do was return to sleep with panging dread.

Dread that I would find that storm again, dread that the sea-breeze wouldn't be enough to heal me again.

* * *

(A/N) Thanks once again for reading, and expect chapter 14 soon! It's gonna be a long one...


	14. The Mirror

(A/N) This chapter has been done for a while since I didn't want to post it until ch. 15 was at least near completion. Well, now it is. And so I can drop this behemouth on you. It's the longest at over 3000 words now. Part of me wanted to split it up, but it all happens within the same day so it made sense to keep it all together.

* * *

I woke up the next morning, feeling much worse. The adrenaline was gone, leaving me _unfathomably_ sore. It took me a few seconds to remember where I was, and why I got there. It seemed to be late morning and I was glad that they let me sleep in this late.

Just as I managed to fully awaken myself, I heard a light knocking on my door.

"…Kyou?" He entered, his head cast down.

"Hey." He said as he shuffled in, standing a bit awkwardly at the side of my bed. He looked at me, and for once I couldn't get a solid fix on his emotions. It was an unnerving feeling for me. With how much time I'd spent with Kyou, he was supposed to be one that I could read the easiest. "Did you…did you sleep well?" It was cute to see that he was trying to be civil and polite, but it was _so_ out of place on him. Like he was wearing a funny hat.

I shrugged, "Well enough." My voice at least was starting to sound somewhat human again.

He nodded, taking a pause as he sat down on the side of my bed. "You should…" he began, seeming almost at a loss for the words he wanted to say. "You should, talk to me about what actually happened. I won't get mad."

I raised an eyebrow, choosing to be coy. "Why? Why _should _I."

"Because!" He said with a flash of anger, then suddenly he…he calmed down. Yuki wasn't the only one who had changed then. "Because…I can tell that you were really _hurt_ by whatever happened…not just physically I mean."

"Kyou…you don't need to do this, you don't need to concern yourself with me."

"And why the _hell_ not? Is that what this is about? You've got it into your head that you're not _worth_ anything?" He turned around to look at me, I couldn't meet his eyes. Kyou's gaze was always so _intense_. His emotions and feelings came pouring out in crimson waves. I knew that if I looked, it would be hard to look away.

He slammed a fist down on the bed. "I see now, it makes sense. That's why you won't leave."

My eyes widened.

"Y'know, I was always kinda pissed at you for the longest time." He looked up at the ceiling, his hair covering his eyes. "You are _actually_ free. I never understood it, you can just _leave. _Get Misaki to take you somewhere, I know that she would if you just _asked_."

I looked down, my fists trembling.

"C'mon Kanae." He growled. "Why the _hell_ are you still living in that place?! Why do you just do whatever the hell they say! They don't _own you._"

"That's where you're wrong." My eyes flashed to him, squinting in anger. "Tell me Kyou, why don't _you _leave. Why do _you _stay, huh?"

He grimaced, and looked away.

"I'll tell you why, because you don't _belong_ in the outside world. That's what you've been told your whole life? Well it's the same for me!"

"How the _hell_ is it the same? You aren't even _cursed_!"

"Just because I don't poof into some animal doesn't mean I'm not _cursed_." I growled through clenched teeth, my fist shaking in anger and sadness. "Do you have any _idea _what it's like for me?!" I felt like I was going to cry again. "It's like everyone is _screaming _at the top of their lungs and I can't just close my ears. I can't just _stop listening. _It just goes on, _every_ _day_. Searing, _burning._ It's hard enough for me to be at school all _day_ and then go to the Dojo. But if I had to work a proper job _all _day? I can't _do_ that. I can't _deal_ with people. I'm not fit for the outside world! I have a _place_ at Sohma house, I may _hate it, _but, it's somewhere I can be without feeling like I'm _burning from the inside out._ " I coughed, a broken sob finding its way out. I fell forward, sobbing into my hands.

"I-I'm sorry Kyou…you have enough to-"

"Shut up." He said abruptly, as I suddenly felt a blanket being thrown over my shoulders.

"What I care about is _my_ concern, not yours."

I gave a wet chuckle, leaning towards him in the covers. He was close enough now that he would have transformed if it weren't for the shroud.  
I sobbed weakly a bit more.

"Kanae...what _did _he do to you?" His voice was soft. The anger hiding underneath.

I swallowed. I couldn't just brush it off anymore. "He betrayed my trust. Even though I may forgive him I don't think I'll be able to be around him again."

"You…you really loved him, didn't you."

"Half of him. I loved only half."

He sighed, standing up.

"We saved some breakfast for you, come down where you're feeling better." I nodded, even though he couldn't see me.

"Kyou-" he left without another word.

I remained like that for a while, until the soreness was too much to bear, and I knew I had to stretch my arms and legs if I ever wanted it to subside. I shed my cocoon and swung my legs of the bed, letting out a loud groan.

"Kanae?" Yuki was there, again, I didn't notice him. "Do you need help?"

"Yeah, yeah I do." I gave him an awkward smile. "No use in protesting, my body is telling me I need help."

He let out a small laugh. "Here, let me help you up."

* * *

I was shown to the guest bathroom, allowed to wash up before I saw anyone else. I sighed, turning the faucet to clod and letting it run for a few moments. I splashed water on my face, looking back up at the mirror. My fingers touched the cold glass, the image there was foreign to me, but, not as if I were looking at a stranger. I wasn't looking at me. I was looking at Yuki with longer hair. Longer eyelashes and fuller lips. That's all I was in anyone's eyes, and in that moment, my eyes also.

I shook my head furiously. _It can't be, it **can't** be like this-this person in the mirror can't possibly be **me**! How can it? It's not me! It is not **me!**_

My fist bit into the mirror, and the glass bit into me. The pressure fractured that cursed image, mangling it beyond recognition. I let out a pained cry, curling the injured hand to my chest as I fell my knees. Over the pounding in my ears I somehow heard the door sliding open and a voice shouting in panic.

_"Kanae-San! Kanae-San!"_ though tear-clouded eyes I saw it was Yuki, but at the time I didn't see him. I saw only a twisted daemon, it was as if the fiend in the mirror had come to life. I swiped my hand at him, screaming at him to get away. I saw tiny dots of red spatter on his too-pale skin, I just cried out again, hold my hand against my pale shirt as it just became redder.

Despite my violent actions towards him, he still tried to comfort me.

"Kanae, Kanae it's _me_..." I pushed away, staring at him almost manically, tears beginning to fall. Above my screams and his pleas I heard another voice join the fray.

"Hey rat boy! Get out of the way, _you_ can't help her when she's like this!" He shouldered his way past Yuki as he left, and made his way to me. He took one of the near-by towels, and wrapped it around my hand. "Yuki, make yourself useful-"

"Already on it." he was gone then, and I was looking only at Kyou. My breathing was ragged, adrenaline tearing my senses apart.

"Dammit Kanae, you were already banged up enough as it was." he said in his own attempt to lighten the mood. He inevitably failed.

I coughed, and let out a sob. His eyes surveyed me, trying to deduce my ailments without asking futile questions. "Kanae," before he could finish, Yuki returned with first aid, and from what I could hear Shigure was attempting to keep poor Tohru from panicking.

Yuki tossed the kit to Kyou with an annoyed glance. With how he stood, he seemed a little indignant at the situation, it perplexed me.

Kyou groaned. "Stop your _pouting_ Yuki, you'll just make things worse. You have to wait for her to calm down." He nodded, and left, calling to Tohru as he rounded the corner.

While I was in this state, I was acutely aware of everything around me, and could remember the finest detail, but my actual cognitive processes were shut down. I could hardly think or act normally, I was in survival mode due to the combination of fear and pain.

Kyou began by removing the blood-soaked towel. He took a pair of tweezers and began by removing the glass shards.

"It's been a long time since you've had an attack like this." He looked at me seriously. "Was it..." he seemed to be pondering what to say. "I think you told me about it before, about looking in the mirror, and only seeing Yuki, only seeing who you were supposed to be. "

I looked down, nodding weakly. I winced as he cleaned the wound with antiseptic.

"Sorry, I know it hurts like a bitch." He paused. "I know it may seem weird coming from me, but, Yuki shouldn't be the one you hate."

"I know." I said. "I don't hate him. I hate his face. I hate _my_ face. I hate how we look alike. I hate how I'm not _"Kanae."_ I'm just the _"female version of Yuki"_. I don't have my own _face_ because of him, but it's not his fault."

Now that I was more fully aware, I also knew that Yuki was standing just beyond the door, listening. "Yuki, I know you're there, but...but don't come in. Stay away from me for a few hours, I don't want to accidentally hurt you." I heard him shift, moving away from the door.

"He may be a jerk," Kyou began "but he's no idiot." he tied the bandage around my hand, taking my good hand to help me up. "Now, go to bed and stay there until someone gets you. Hatori is due soon." I nodded, leaning my weight on him, I did feel as if I was going to pass out, the adrenaline leaving as quickly as it came.

He left me to sleep, as I wished I could, but my mind continued to buzz for the short interlude I had to wait until Hatori arrived.

"Kanae-san. I would say it's good to see you, but I dare say that wouldn't quite hold true for you." his dry wit was oh-so refreshing.

"Ha _ha_." I granted.

"I was first contacted to examine your throat, but it seems you went and acquired new injures in the meantime."

"That I did." My injured hand shifted, it was starting to itch.

"It has been over a year since your last exam with me, so I dare say there was some cosmic timing involved."

"Whatever, I know you don't believe in that stuff." I scoffed

He chuckled as he unpacked his materials and opened a file. "Kyou mentioned to me that you had another one of your Panic attacks. Onset mostly by the pain I think." He paused, looking up over his glasses. "Unless…there was something else."

I huffed. "You're not my therapist…but I dare say you're more qualified than that hack."

Hatori nodded. "You don't need to go into detail, but I just need the whole picture for the record, as the onset of these attacks were due to your Kiireji abilities emerging. You haven't had one in over two years, so you can understand my concern."

My good hand clasped over the sheets. "…It wasn't anything like that this time, I was completely alone, and I suppose I just freaked myself out a bit. I wasn't in exactly the best state to begin with after all."

"That is correct." He stood up, approaching me. "You still should refrain from talking too much. Just the fact that you can talk at all is a sign that it's not too serious." He cleaned the instrument with alcohol before turning on the light and shining it at me. "Now…say,"

"Aaahhh…" I boredly uttered.

He withdrew, allowing me to relax. "You were lucky, from what I can see there isn't any serious damage. Do you have any idea how long you were out?"

"No but…" my words were suddenly halted by a large sneeze. "Long enough I think."

Hatori sighed. "You really are a mess." He opened his bag again, pulling out an unprepped syringe still in its case. "If you get a serious cold on top of this I won't know _what_ to tell you."

"You could tell me that the fates are out to get me and I'd believe you."

He gave a dry chuckle. "I'll leave some medication for you to take, you will also require a few shots since you have avoided me for so long."

I shrugged. "Just get it over with."

* * *

After Hatori had left, I got a few hours to myself. I was thankfully able to dose off briefly. I started awake when I heard a knock on my door.

"Kanae-san?" The soft voice wafted over to me, almost drowned out by his clashing aura.

"Yuki, I told you to avoid me for a while."

"It's 3 o'clock. It's _been_ a while." He deadpanned. Bringing me a bowl of soup on a tray. "You haven't eaten all day, that can't be good for you."

"Who assigned _you_ as my nurse?" I said as I accepted the warm soup.

"Honda-san and Kyou went shopping and, I didn't think that you'd want to see much of Shigure."

"Thanks for that."

He smiled. "Now…" His brows creased slightly. "I know, you probably won't want to talk about it too much but, I just want to know what happened this morning."

I coughed, spitting up a mouthful of soup. "Wow, you don't mess around do you?" I took a moment to clear my throat, signally to him that I was alright when he tried to help me. "Not that I mind, I'm just used to more infuriating politeness from you. I'm glad you've lost some of the bullshit."

"I'm assuming that's good?"

"Yes. Yes it is." I took a long slurp of the miso soup, letting it warm me up. "So, anyway." I sighed. "I was having a panic attack, one that was triggered well, by _you_ more or less.

"The last time I had a really bad one was around the time I was entering middle school, when I was first realising my abilities. I _freaked_ out at school, started screaming and trashing because I didn't know how to deal with it. Kyou was there too, he had to hold me back. I actually hurt some kid nearby pretty badly. I stop being able to control myself when that happens. My body just goes into survival mode."

He made a contemplative sound. "But…why…_me_? What did I do, may I ask. If I did anything to-"

I cut him off. "It's nothing you _did_, and it's nothing that you have to apologise for." I glanced at him before turning away again. "It's not anything about you it's just, _your face_. Literally that." I closed my eyes in anguish. A little annoyed to have to bring this up again.

He nodded in understanding. "Right, I heard you earlier." I was relieved to not have to summon up those thoughts again.

To my surprise, he suddenly moved closer. When I turned to him, he was sitting on the side of my bed. Looking at me with a heart-breakingly kind expression.

"Kanae, I'm sorry."

"I said you don't-" He pressed a finger to my lips. I became silent out of pure surprise.

"I'm sorry that you had to deal with this, and I'm sorry that I ignored your suffering for so long."

"Yuki, I could say the same-"

He closed his eyes, shaking his head. "Just accept my apology, _please_. It doesn't matter what you did or didn't do. This is about me taking responsibility." When he looked at me again, I saw something strange and foreign there. "I'm not gonna blame anyone else anymore. I'm not going to say, _"Because I was obeying my mother" _or _"because I was scared of Akito"_. That doesn't matter. I still could have made my own choice, and I can do that now. "

"…Yuki?" It was almost like he wasn't there anymore. The black stains of his past, they didn't _fade_ they just…became distant, like they were floating away on the breeze. "Yu-" Before I spoke, he placed a hand gently to my forehead.

"Are you sure you didn't catch a cold from the rain?" I scowled at his easy comment, and did something that I thought I would never.

Without thinking, I grabbed him into a futile embrace. I saw his shocked expression just before he transformed. I expertly caught him in his rat form, holding him gently in my hands.

"Yuki…let me apologise too then, it's only fair."

"Yes sure, Kanae-san. But you surprised me, you could have at least given me some warning."

I cracked a small rusty smile. "What? I can't just hug my own brother whenever I want?" My words wavered, the irony was almost lost, but I kept it steady. My smile slowly growing. I felt so foolish for all those years, all the separation. I felt like it was Yuki's new revelation, this strange purification that enabled these feelings of my own to become unlocked. I was happy. So glad for some reason, just to think _onii-chan _to myself. I felt a little safer and happier.

"Okay Yuki." I said, letting him scamper to the ground. "I'm going to lie down and get some sleep." I did so, my back facing him as I heard him transform back.

I drifted off almost instantly. I drifted so that all I felt was a gentle lilac blur approach to kiss me lightly on the forehead, then the presence left, and I drifted into black far too briefly.


	15. The Betrayal

(a/n) So I'm probably only going to be updating once a week now. As I originally intended. Chapter 16 is no where near done, but I didn't want to be gone for more than a week, lest that length of time become so long that you all forget about me!

Please enjoy, review please!

* * *

It was Friday, but I didn't go to school, at the behest of Tohru and her inevitable panic attack if I over-exerted myself. I spent most of the day sleeping as Hatori insisted.  
That afternoon, when the others returned from school, I somehow found it in myself to get up and eat a small early dinner with Yuki, Kyou and Tohru. Shigure thankfully had gone out for most of the day. Though I wasn't assured in his motives, I was grateful enough. Shigure's Aura had to be the worst, second only to Akito. I could at least _stand_ the others. Tohru still perplexed me thoroughly. I was intrigued to learn more about her.

"Kanae-san, I'm glad to see that you're doing better." She smiled as she finally sat down with us after buzzing about in the kitchen for what seemed like hours. We had all mostly finished eating already.

"Yeah, thanks. Your cooking really helps. It tastes like _actual_ food." I gave her a polite smile, before slurping the remains of the stew she made.

Kyou was mostly silent. Slumped on the other side of the table. Yuki was smiling gently as he sipped his tea. Like I had heard, Tohru had really helped them. Yuki was at least at the moment, clearer than he had ever been. Kyou was still a mess, but…a _better_ mess.

"Tohru-san," I began, "I've only heard rumours about you up until now. So I hope you can clear some things up."

"Of course!" She said sunnily.

I picked up my tea. Letting it warm my hands. "Is it true that you lived in a tent?"

I felt the air in the room suddenly become strangely tense.

"Y-yes, I did. Until, a landslide destroyed it, and Shigure-san was kind enough to let me stay here!"

Hearing "Kind" and "Shigure" in the same sentence always made me a tiny bit nauseous. "Is that so?"

"And, Kanae-san? They told me that you live on the Inside?"

I sipped more of my tea. "Yes, only barely though. My house is still more-or-less isolated from the actual main house. But it's within the walls alright."

"You've known about the curse this whole time? Is it because you are so closely related to Yuki-kun?"

I coughed a bit, and I felt the tension rise.

"You could say that."

"Oh, is that so?" She replied.

"Yes. Our mothers were sisters."

"Oh? What is your mother like? Is she at all like Yuki-kun's?"

I straight-up choked on my tea that time. "Y-yeah…I suppose…I don't exactly _live_ with her. And I hardly ever see her."

"Oh, do you live with your father then?"

Yuki's fist even clenched then. He himself hardly mentioned out father. "N-no. I live with a foster mother. Her name's Misaki. She's good friends with Kazuma-sensei. You might have seen her around."

"Ah! I would love to meet her!"

"I'm sure you would."

I saw Kyou shift. "Tohru, I think the laundry's done." He said.

"Oh!" She started, whizzing off in an instance. I sipped the remainder of my tea placidly.

"Damn she really is like a house slave." I said without much humour. I turned to Yuki. "You okay?"

His face surfaced, bright and smiling. "Yes, I'm fine, Kanae."

"You just seemed kinda tense. Even more so when she mentioned our father."

"Well yes I-" He paused, looking at me. "Kanae, have you ever even met him?"

I shrugged. "No. I don't ever feel the need to. Kazuma fills in for most of the father-like things. I'm surprised that he and Misaki just haven't gotten married yet." I looked up at the celling ponderingly. "Maybe he just doesn't like woman…"

Kyou and Yuki both jumped a little.

"N-no…" Yuki said nervously. "I don't think it's quite like that…"

Kyou straightened, placing his arms on the table. "It's quite the opposite, actually."

I looked to Kyou. "How so?"

"I heard them talking once. They were talking about some "Shiori-chan" who was a friend of theirs. And, Misaki was refusing to go to her wedding anniversary. I was pretty young, so I didn't fully understand it then. A few years later I asked Kazuma honestly. And he told me, that Misaki had been in love with Shiori, and their family thought that was wrong."

"…what? Why wouldn't she mention any of this?"

"I guess it never came up." I wasn't mad about her being into women or anything, it made quite a bit of sense actually. It did make me a tad bit sad. As I child, I had naïvely hoped that Kazuma and Misaki would have gotten married, then me and Kyou could have been actual siblings.

Yuki paused before speaking. "Are you…are you gonna ask her about it?"

"No, it's not really my business." I said, standing up. "You guys want more tea?"

"I'm fine thanks." Yuki smiled.  
Kyou stood up with me. "I'm gonna go outside for a bit."

Yuki got up too. Helping me clear the table. "I think…I'm going to go out too."

"Where to?" I asked idly.

"I have some business with Haru." He said almost in an almost sinister tone.

"What, you're not going to kill him are you? I thought that was Kyou's job."

He chuckled. "No, no…I just," He looked off, a tad wistfully. "I need to…" His brows creased. "I'm worried. After what he did to you…he might just be getting out of control."

I nodded. "I'm going with you."

The look in his eyes told me that he wanted to protest. "But…okay. You seem so sure."

"I am sure. I want to go. He's not gonna do anything. And if he does, you can help me get away before I lock up."

"Alright." He still seemed a bit nervous. "You sure? You're not feeling sick or anything?"

"I'm sure."

* * *

Despite my insistence to my decent health, Yuki insisted on me bundling up at least a little, since he figured that it would be good for my throat. I borrowed one of Tohru's scarves. It was a silly bright yellow with pom-poms on the ends. It definitely suited her and not me.

We didn't really know where else to look for Haru, besides his house. It was a gamble since Yuki said that he had been skipping school since the incident.

We couldn't find him at the house, or anywhere nearby. Yuki was ready to give up, but I had one more place in mind. I tugged him by the arm. Leading him around by the wall.

"Huh? Where are you taking me?"  
"We just need to check one last place."

And sure enough, he was there. Sitting on the old branch over-looking the pond. The memories of the many times we spent there flooded to mind, and it made me sad.

"Haru!" Yuki called. He turned to us, hopping down from the tree and walking towards us looking utterly impassive.

I felt some dread flare up in my heart.

"…why is she here?" He wasn't reproachful, he sounded really concerned actually. "Kanae you shouldn't be out of bed. I'm sure you caught a cold." His hand reached out to me out of habit. I smacked his hand away, clinging to Yuki.

"Haru, don't come any closer. Please. Just stay away." I turned my eyes from him. "I'm only here to make sure that you and Yuki don't fight or something. Just ignore me or I'll have to leave." I only hated half of him. This half really did care about me, and I'm sure he hated how he hurt me. I could feel it tearing at him.

Yuki placed a protective arm in front of me. Looking at Haru sternly.

"Just ignore her. _I'm_ the one who came to see you today."

Haru blinked. "And why is that?" He still didn't emote, but I could sense the minute shift in his stark white hue.

Yuki continued, looking at him firmly. "Haru, I know that you can't control yourself when you go black, but, I think that this has gone too far."

I held on to Yuki, trying to separate myself from what was happening. I hardly even listened to what they were saying. I didn't want Yuki to have to fight this battle for me. But it was that I just wasn't willing to face it on my own.

Haru only blinked, and Yuki took a deep breath to calm himself down. "I know that, but I want to believe that you can prevent it if you try. I mean, what better incentive is there than..." He gave me a solemn glance. I averted my eyes again.

"I know. I know I hurt her, and it's something I won't be able to live down."

"That's not the point Haru. The point is making sure you won't hurt anyone else."

Haru's Aura suddenly fluctuated. I winced as if he had slapped me.

He grimaced, his fists clenching. "It's not like…I even know what to _do_ about it. I guess," he brought a hand to his face, running it through his hair. "Y'know, when I was with Rin, I felt like I could be okay. I just thought, that eventually it would all go away." He gave me a meaningful glance, I held it, remembering what I had said that had pissed him off so thoroughly. "Kanae…what…what did you say to me? What possibly could have made me hurt you like that?"

I felt like that was more of a question for him. "Why would I tell you again? You could blow up again."

The little hope that graced his face melted away. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. But I just…" He looked down. "I honestly don't remember. And it kills me. I really don't feel like I could even _do _something like that!"

"But you did." I said firmly. Standing up straighter and moving away from Yuki. He was a little reluctant to let me go. "It doesn't matter if you regret it, or if you couldn't control yourself. You still did it, and that is something you can never undo."

He grimaced. "I though Yuki was the one here to lecture me." I knew he meant no malice. I knew that he was just re-stating fact. But I detected just a hint of malice and annoyance. That was enough to put that last piece in the puzzle. I realised, that, I _don't_ love Haru.

I love the way he makes me feel. I love that he makes me feel _normal _like an actual human being. Like, everything that I'm _not._

"Yuki lets go back. I've had enough." I said, tugging on Yuki's sleeve like a child.

He looked at me solemnly, complying without another word. I let Haru's aura fade into the back of my mind, where it would remain, no matter what I wanyed.

* * *

I was a bit fatigued, so Yuki suggested that we rest at a near-by park. We sat down on a bench together.

"Kanae, can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"About your… Empathy?"

"Yeah," I shrugged, "that's the word for it." I looked at him. "What do you wanna know?"

"Well, I'm just curious, since, I suppose it's never been explained to me. It's not like you're a psychic, right?"

"Yeah, not really. Not the same as that Hanajima girl if that's what you were wondering." He nodded. "It's not really _that _complicated…It's basically another Sense. To me, people's emotions are just like a smell, or a light emanating from a person."

"Oh, I see."

"And like any other sense, I can't just _stop. _I mean, you can cover your eyes, or pinch your nose put the sound or smell is still there."

"Okay, I understand." He gave a pondering look. "So, if it's not too much to ask, what do you…_feel…_from me."

I bit my lip, not sure how much I should reveal. "Well, the most annoying thing for me is your Spirit. He's very loud, and he's basically the only reason for my ability."

"How so?"

"I can feel the spirits' wills. People like me have been born in the Sohma family for generations, just like the Juunishi."

"Huh. Yeah. I've heard them mentioned before, but not too much."

I nodded. "I find it funny that the elders treat us so poorly. Most of the house-servants and what not were born like I was, and most have some sort of special ability. The abilities can be anything from photographic memory to telekinesis."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. Hatori in technicality is one of us. People in the Sohma Family with special abilities, but he's also cursed. So his father was really the Kiireji."

"Ah, I think I understand."

I paused, remembering his original question. "Now that I'm getting to be around you more, I'm able to see _your _aura better." I said. He looked at me, seeming interested. "It's still difficult for me to grasp, as it's changing and clearing up more and more." I turned my eyes to him. "There's still something that you're holding onto though. Some pain, and some confusion. As well as some unrequited feelings."

"Wow…" he said. "You can sense all that?"

I nodded. "It's not that special really. Everyone's like that to a certain extent." I turned away, looking wistfully back at the sky. "You may still not believe it, but you have a kind heart. That's something I've come to believe." A kind heart, so shackled and tortured, that it almost broke.

"Well," I heard him give a gentle laugh. "I'm glad to hear that, from you particularly."

"Huh?" I turned back to him.

"I know you denied it many times, but, I still always thought that you hated me back then."

I shrugged. "I probably did to a certain degree. I mean, how could I not? When you're young you tend to absorb the sentiments of the adults around you, since you think that's what you're supposed to do and think. Everyone around me pitied me, saying that it was such a strange. There were even some that thought I would have been a better rat because of your weak fortitude." My eyes drifted again. "The servants seemed to have nothing better to do than gossip. They act so high and mighty, feelings like they're a part of something grand and important." I stood up, stretching, I was already feeling better. "Sorry, I have a lot of anger towards the Sohma establishment as you would expect."

He stood up to join me. "I can imagine."

My eyelids lowered. "But it's not all bad I mean, I'll never want for money or food for the rest of my life, and I have family and friends." I tried to inject as much life and happiness into my words as possible, but they still fell flat.

"I suppose, if that's all you really need to be happy." I forced a bright smile, turning to him.

"Of course it is!" I quickened my pace, walking ahead of him. "C'mon, let's go back, I'm getting hungry."

* * *

When we returned to Shigure's house, the door burst open before we even had a chance to enter. There was a small commotion and before I knew it Misaki had emerged, grabbing me forcefully in her arms.

"Kanae! Why didn't you call me? I was worried!"

"I'm sorry…I didn't want to bother you on your business trip…" I said as I gasped for air.

"Nonsense!" She cried, pulling back to look at me. Her face creased in angry worry. "You're lucky that it was Kazuma who told otherwise I'd be ever angrier!"

"Mom…" I groaned. "Well…I _was _going to call you…" _That was my justification for coming to Shigure's in the first place, right?_

I heard Shigure approach. "You should be grateful Kanae-chan. I'm the one who called Kazuma-dono in the first place!"

"Shut up, idiot." I spat.

"Is that anyway to treat the man who was so kind to open up his home to you?"

"Even if you didn't I would have pried it open. Yuki and Kyou would have helped." I shot a glare at Shigure.

Misaki patted me on the back. "I've raised you well."

Kazuma joined us as well. "Now, shall we take you home? I'm sure you still need more rest." I nodded, looking back to Misaki, I remembered what Kyou had told me. It was a shame really, Kazuma and Misaki already worked so _well_ together. But, Misaki just _couldn't_ return his feelings.

I found it perplexing. Because to me, I'd always felt feelings of devotion and trust being reciprocated between them. Perhaps I was still too young to fully understand.

We said our goodbyes, and the three of us left, Kyou apparently still able to get a bit jealous over Kazuma. It was almost as if we were actually a family, though no close bonds of blood existed among us. Kyou remained behind, something I found strange, as I could feel some _resistance_ from him…

But, I also felt something else…something that was…drawing him away. For a brief moment, I felt only his steady orange glow. I felt what I was always meant to feel from him. The light of someone who loved and enjoyed life; of someone who was fervent in his feelings for others. But alas, that moment was far too brief. It was not the distance that darkened his light, but the…_spirit. _

There _had_ to be something I could do. It was a curse, a _spell. _Wasn't there always ways to break those sorts of things? I knew that Kureno was already free, and as far as I knew Akito was the only other who knew. I let it slip from my mind all these years, as I knew how dangerous it was, how _toxic, _but it seemed now that I had built up a tolerance to it.

I focused my mind then on the pure warm Auras of Misaki and Kazuma. They always held hope in their hearts, not a vain hope, or selfish aspiration, but a kind gentle wish for the happiness of their loved ones. It was a tiny, gentle flickering light, which in the darkest nights I hoped would always be there to guide me.


	16. The Static

(A/N) So a shorter one this time around, but don't worry, I still have more to come!

* * *

I thought that I was going to _die _on that damn train. Getting off was like a miracle. It was bad enough to be shoved on that damn thing like sardines, but on top of that every one of the students was just so damn _exited _for the stupid class trip. All of them babbling about class trip romances and whatever else they've read about in their manga and light novels.

I'm sure people were trying to talk to me. I think I was on the train somewhere near Kyou since he was the one who had to drag me out of my stupor. I lost myself in the crowd for some time after, the students broke off into their smaller groups to see what else Kyoto had to offer. I didn't feel like going with any of them, really. But I found myself trailing a ways behind Kyou and Yuki's group. I kept out of sight, not wanting to bother them or be bothered. The bamboo grove was wide and serene. The hikers being spread out enough that I could ignore them. It was something far too rare for me. Even when I was alone in my garden at Sohma house, there was still an omnipresent darkness that lingered there.

Here in Kyoto, I was far away from all things familiar. It was fresh and clean.

But the solace could only last so long.

I caught up a little, seeing that Kyou was hanging back, I approached him, silent at first. He was just watching her walk away, and I saw something. I saw Tohru reflected in his eyes.  
"You should be more careful, unless you want everyone to figure it out." I deadpanned.

He started, looking at me angrily. "Wh-wha—Figure out what?"

I grinned at him knowingly. "Kyou, you have always been an _atrocious_ liar."

He grunted, looking away from me awkwardly. "..You won't say anything if you know what's good for you…"

I rolled my eyes. "Kyou, I know what you're thinking. You think it's wrong, and you think it's useless, but the key is not to let the curse control everything."

"Well that's rich, coming from you." His severe gaze turned on me. "Isn't that a little hypocritical?"

"Well…"

"You know it's no different. I can't live in the world for risk of transforming, and you can't because of your ability." He said, sounding a little annoyed.

"I know…that's what I said…but…"

"You're taking it back _now_? What? Did you meet some _guy_?"  
I blushed angrily. "N-no…well…"  
He gave a hearty laugh. "Seriously? I was _joking_!"  
I glared at him. "It's nothing like that! I just met someone with and Aura that doesn't make me want to impale myself. It's not _that _big of a deal!"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "I dare say it is."  
I rolled my eyes at him. "So my point stands. _I_ get to be a hypocrite, and _you_ get to be a normal teenage boy. Everything is as it should be."

He granted me a small smile, before his face hardened again. "Not quite. If I get to be a normal teenage boy, then you get to be a normal teenage girl." His seriousness was almost laughable, but I refrained. He was serious about this after all. If he got to be happy, then I got to be happy.

Without much more of a thought, I stood on my tippy-toes, carefully placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"What the-" He jerked back, blushing out of sheer surprise. "Kanae! What the hell!?"

I tilted my head to the side, smiling girlishly. "Oh c'mon, now you're going to offend me!"

He covered his mouth with his hand. "Well I'm sorry it was just a bit sudden."

"What, have you never been kissed by a pretty girl before?" My expression suddenly became sardonic. "I know you've been kissed by Kagura, so word your answer _carefully_."

He just looked away, shoving his hands in his pockets. "C'mon, it's getting late. We should go back." I nodded.

"You're not mad are you?"

"Why are you asking me? You should know better than I do." He said with a shrug.

"That's the weird thing." I said, "It's becoming more and more difficult for me to read you."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Really?"

"Yeah," I continued wistfully. "It's kinda sad…since you used to be the one I could read the best." I looked over at him as we walked. "But your heart is changing, it is nice, I'm sure it's a good thing…but, it still makes me a little sad." Just a little. "But, I hope…that there will be someone who will be able to understand you even better than I ever could." I skipped ahead of him, suddenly unable to face him. It seemed like now I was having to let get of the things I cared more about. Those things that may have been holding me back all this time.

I don't know how I ended up here, I had originally gone into the store because I saw that the traffic had died down. But as soon as I entered, what seemed like a whole class stored into the tiny shop, drowning me in their emotional chatter. I kinda panicked, not in a proper mind-set to deal with this in such an enclosed space.

I tried to escape, but tripped, bouncing off of someone and then crashing to the ground. I let out a cry of pain, sluggishly trying to stand up, when suddenly, a hand doused in a light-blue glow reached down to help me.  
"K-kyouhara-kun?" I grabbed his hand firmly, joining him at his side. He put an arm gingerly around me, I stuck close, maybe too close. But thankfully, he seemed to understand and began guiding me out of the crowded shop.

"Thanks, Kyouhara-kun." This closeness, was something I desperately wanted to hate, but, I just couldn't bring myself to.

He led me to a bench outside, sitting down with me.

"Are you alright, Kanae-san? You're not hurt?"

"No, not seriously." I probably got a few new bruises. "I grew up taking martial arts, I can take a bit more of a beating than that."

He laughed. "And I don't doubt that."

I looked at him, crunching my eyebrows together. "How is it that you were there to help me again? You're not _stalking _me are you?" I was attempting to make a joke, but I seemed to fail.

"Oh no, nothing like that. How could I ignore you when you crash right into me?"

Oh. "That makes sense."

"So…your fear of crowds can get pretty bad huh? You hardly even seemed aware of your surroundings."

"Yeah…it's also, that and in combination with a tiny space like that. I can adjust when the changes come in moderation. I just wasn't at all prepared. I was also just a little distracted." _Yeah, just keep fleshing out the lie, you can do it._

"Well, good thing I was there then, you might have gotten trampled."

I nodded. "Yeah, thanks again."

"Not a problem." He stood up, stretching lightly. "You hungry?"

I nodded, standing up again. There were so many things that I didn't understand. I just wished that I knew how to ask him.

It was easy enough to push out of my mind though, surprisingly. I just let my thoughts wrap around the pleasantness of his aura. Just accepting it for how it was, instead of ruining it with my vexes and suspicions.

If only for a while, it was nice. To just let go…if only of a few things.

"Yuki." I said placidly, as he watched his friends walk away. He looked at me, a little surprised.

"Oh, Kanae, how are you-"

"What are your feelings for Tohru-kun?" I gave him a blank, dead-on look. "You have to be precise about these things."

"Well, what have _you _been sensing from me?" I couldn't tell if he was trying to dodge or what.

I cast my eyes to the ground. "I'm not sure you would like what I told you…" My eyes flicked back. "Plus, I want you to come to the conclusion on your own. We both know we can't grow if things are handed to us."

He cracked a nervous grin. "So what you're saying, is that you already know the answer…"

I nodded. "But, I have a feeling that you haven't fully realised it yet."

"I see." He sighed. "Well, can I ask you something in return?"

I shrugged. "I don't see why not."

He looked away briefly, his eyebrows creasing slightly. "That…boy you were with earlier, how do you feel about him?" His eyes rose to meet mine, strangely serious.

"You mean…Kyouhara-kun?" I tilted my head to the side. "I don't know. His Aura perplexes me…"

He shook his head lightly. "No…how do _you_ feel?"

"Why, why are you asking?"

He sighed. "I could ask you the same thing."

He had a point. "I don't really know how I feel. I mean, most of the time, my own feelings are over-shadowed by everyone else's. Kinda like how you don't really know how you smell." I shook my head. "No, it's not quite like that…" I clasped my hands together. "But, I still don't really see why you're bringing him up." I frowned.

He gave a small laugh. "Who knows, maybe you're like me, and there's just something there you're not ready to see yet."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Are you saying that I like him or something?"

"_I'm _not saying anything." He leaned down towards me with a taunting smirk. "Your face says it all, you're _blushing_!"

I gave a huff.

He turned away. "Come on, we have to go meet at the buses."


	17. The Old

(A/N) Sorry that this chapter was late, but the next one will be on time as it has been near completion for some time.

Enjoy!

* * *

I was sprawled out on Kagura's floor, as I would sometimes be on weekends. She was there lying on her bed with an honest-to-god_ diary _open. She was humming along idly to the generic pop music we were listening to.

Well, _she _was listening to it, I was attempting to tune it out, but to little avail.

"Kagura." I said.

"Hm? What is it?"

"I'm supposed to go to the main house tonight." I said.

"…why?"

"A meeting with the other Utaji."

"…you don't seem too happy about that."

"Because I'm not." I rolled over onto my side, looking up at her. "I'm thinking about skipping. What should I do?"

Kagura peeked over the edge of her bed at me. "What's this Kanae, are you asking me for _advice_?" She said with a cheeky grin.

"Sorry it's not about boys or whatever. But yeah, I guess I am."

"You know that doesn't matter to me." She giggled lightly. "But, this is kinda serious. What do you think the consequences will be?"

I shrugged. "Akito will get mad, maybe threaten to cut off my school funding or something." I mused. "But, I can apply for scholarships and student aid."

"But Kanae, don't you _like _singing?"

"I do…I really do but…but not like that."

"I thought you did a wonderful job." She said sincerely.

"That's not the problem." I propped myself up on my elbows. "There's just something _wrong _with the others. And it really isn't something I'm interested in discovering for myself."

"Like…how so? What did you sense from them?"

"That's the thing. I hardly sensed _anything. _They all kinda reminded me of White Haru, unnaturally…empty."

She sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, patting the space next to her. I stood up, complying with her direction.

"So, maybe they all do…meditation or something."

I shook my head. "No, no way. Kazuma is a disciplined man and has a pure aura, but not _stark white. _It's different, trust me."

"I believe you, I'm just not sure what you're getting at."

I gave a frustrated sigh. "I…I don't really either….but." My eyes shot open, and I whipped around to look at Kagura. "I—I remember!"

"Remember what!?" Matching my frantic tone out of sheer surprise.

"I—I knew Tomomi before! He went to my middle school, and, it was just when I was learning to sense auras!" I looked, down, concentrating. I closed my eyes, willing the memory to come into focus.

"Kanae, is Tomomi one of the other's?"

"Yes!" My eyes shot open. "Kagura! I looked at her again, letting my dormant fear taint my expression a little. "Kagura, his aura was _green._"

Some of the shock filled her face then. "Kanae, are you saying…"

"He wasn't always like that! Something _happened_ to him, and I'm sure, that the others were once vibrant colours of their own!"

Kagura looked at me solemnly. "So, what are you going to do?"

I pressed my lips into a thin line, pondering.

"I told you, I'm not going to sing this year because when I did…last year…I could…I could feel it."

"…feel…_what?_" Her tone wavering a bit, as there was a part of her that already knew the answer.

"I-…_I…_" It was something that I couldn't put words to. Was it "God?" or something else? Something more sinister. The "God" that the zodiac knew couldn't be the end-all be all. If he were, why would such an _infinite_ and unimaginable being let himself be caught up in the lives of thirteen mortal creatures?

I shook my head. "Kagura…I don't wanna talk about this anymore."

She huffed. "Hey…_you_ were the one who brought it up!"

"I know, Kagu but…" My eyes lost focus when I was looking at her. I let my vision blur so that I could see the true colours better. "The boar-spirit is making me uneasy."

"Huh?"

"He…he doesn't seem to like me-" The black stan suddenly ignited like a flame, and I clutched my head, crying out in sudden pain.

Kagura's hands found me, trying to steady and comfort me, but I threw myself back. Her touch only making the pain intensify.

"Kanae! Kanae what's wrong!?" Her voice was distorted and wavering in and out. I could see her face, knit with worry, but I had to get away, stay away.

I choked out some gibberish, trying to communicate to her… "K-kagu-"

Suddenly the door behind me swung open, I looked over to see Kagura's mother with an expression to match her daughter's.

"Kagura, Kanae! What's going on-?" I must have looked pretty awful, I could hardly move, the pain was bad. Almost as bad as Black Haru, but not quite.

Kagura's mom placed an arm gently around me, and guided me out and away, I wasn't sure where, but without thinking, I snuggled myself against her chest without a word. She didn't mind, and I sure as hell didn't. Her aura was _paradise_ compared to any of the spirits'.

After a while, I came fully to. I found myself wrapped in a blanket sitting on a couch with tea clutched in my somehow even paler fingers.

"…Kanae-chan?" The concerned face of Kagura's mom came into focus. I didn't see where Kagura was at the time. "How are you feeling…Kanae-chan?"

I sniffed, taking a sip of tea. "I'm fine, Obasan." I muttered. "I just had one of my attacks, I'm fine now."

She nodded. "Yes but, Misaki-chan just told me that they often happen when you're in crowds."

"They can be triggered in other ways."

She nodded. "You're sure you're alright. You know that you can stay here as long as you want."

I shook my head. "I'm fine really. I have somewhere to be." I regarded her kindly. "Thanks…though."

It was dark and dank inside of the Main House, as it always was. I was lead stiffly by silent servants through the bleak corridors. I was out of place, for one. I had only started to notice that all the house staffers had bleak white auras. I never noticed before because, well, it's just that. They don't really have a presence for me to notice.

Our footsteps hardly made a sound on the worn bamboo, and no one said a word. The head Sohma elder took over when I neared my destination. It seemed that there were areas in this place that were off limits to even the full-time servants.

She looked at me briefly, with those same cold eyes that I always remembered. I hardly thought of her as a person, as she would seemingly just appear and disappear whenever she pleased. I only ever saw at the worst points in my life; when the crushing constraints of the Sohma Family were tightened further around me.

Honestly, I realised, that I don't even know her name. I don't know if anyone does.

She guided me into the Utaji's chambers. Past the entry way to the back room where the others were.

Hisoka, Shigemi, Tomomi and Yoh were all there; seated before Kotoko who was smiling softly.

"Kanae-san. We are overjoyed that you could join us." Icy, empty smiles slid over their faces. Tomomi even gestured for me to sit by him. Though I felt my stomach turn, I complied. Not wanting to raise any suspicion.

It was worse now, that I remembered how his Aura once was. It was a rare spring green, like something alive and jubilant. But now, it was like he didn't even exists.

I knew that I _should_ feel comfortable around them. They were all like me after all. Psychics, Empaths and Espers. But I _couldn't. _It caused an aversion. I don't know how the others could handle it.

Kotoko began to speak. Outlining the yearly procedure. This year's dance was between Momiji and Hatori, and so the musical repertoire would have to be shifted to accommodate the New Year we would be greeting.

_No, **no. **I couldn't do it again. If I did I'd be **lost**. There'd be nothing left._

I got to my feet suddenly, interrupting Kotoko as she spoke. "Kanae-san? Is something the matter?"  
"No, not at all." I raised my eyes to her, even though she couldn't see. "But, I came only because I wished to inform you that I will not be performing at this year's banquet."

There wasn't any shock on their faces or in their auras.

The silence was shattered by a terrifying sound.

I turned around, and saw the old woman convulsing like she were having a seizure. She was making some horrible huffing and hacking noise.

Only when she stopped to speak did I realise that it was meant to be laughter.

"Oh…Kanae, aren't you a _romp_. It has been _ever _so long since we've had a comedian amongst the Utaji!" The rusty broken wheezing continued, until I attempted to push past her.

When I did, she went dead silent and her witch's claw clamped down on my wrist.

"-let- let me-_go_!" I struggled to say, as somehow, her empty aura seemed to freeze so terribly that it too, _burned._

"You are not going _anywhere_ Utaji. You think you have the _right_ to leave? You have no rights. You belong to this family and you will do as you are _told!_" She released me, flinging me to the ground.

She loomed over me, glaring down at me with a look full of contempt and pride.

I didn't need to stand for this. I was being held against my will.

"…_fuck you, you old hag!_" I spat.

I think she aimed to stomp on me, but I rolled skilfully out of the way. Launching myself from my haunches into the hallway. It was by no means a graceful exit, but it was an exit nonetheless. There were people calling after me, but I was fast. They wouldn't catch me. They could yell and harass me later but they wouldn't do anything drastic, would they?

After turning corner after corner I eventually lost a bit of my agility and slid painfully into one of the wooden walls, and I rested there for a moment, attempting to catch my breath.

"…Kanae…san?" I looked up to see one who I regrettably learned to hate seeing.

"…Hato…ri…" I panted.

He looked behind me, giving an indignant grunt before snatching me up in a bridal-style carry.

"H-harori-?" His arms were long enough so that I was balanced away from his body.

"Shh, I found you collapsed and I am giving you medical leave."

"Will anyone believe that? Also who-" another servant rounded the corner, shouting inquires until she gathered who she was yelling at. Hatori kept replying coolly that I was in need of medical attention, and was unfit to fulfil my duties. Still, how did he know? Did someone—

I couldn't put my arms around his neck like any normal person in a bridal carry, if I did, it would get bad really fast. So instead, I had to just awkwardly grip with shit whilst still trying to look as limp as possible.

I was far from comfortable, but, eventually, we made it to his office, and he let me down on the examination bed.

"Hatori…" I said after a brief silence.

"I am not the one you should be thanking. It was actually Kagura's mother who came to me with concerns."

"She…she what?"

He turned in his swivel chair, looking at me over his glasses. It looked like he had already started in on his paperwork. "Not long ago, she came to me saying that you had a serious attack earlier while just being around Kagura. So, I cannot in good faith allow you to attend the Banquet where all of the Juunishi will be gathered."

"But, come on. All the other Utaji have abilities like me right? Will anyone buy that excuse?"

"It's not just an excuse. It is genuinely concerning." He clicked his pen and turned back to his desk. "Also, most Utaji, and Kiireji in general can only hear the _voices_ of the spirits. Your ability is a rare one that is only born into this family at very specific times."

"Huh…?"

He sighed, looking back at me briefly. "During the times when all of the Juunishi are assembled, accordingly, one with stronger Empathic abilities is born. The situation has always been different, but it has been documented before."

"…Right…"

I entwined my fingers together uneasily. "Can I leave now?"

"Not quite." He pushed himself up from his desk, approaching me. "You never showed up for a follow-up appointment after your…_incident"_

"…_right._"I frowned.

He took out his examining tools. Shining a light down my throat, checking my eyes and my breathing.

"Tell me…Have you seen Hatsuharu since then?"

"No…well. I did a few days after, but after that…not since. I mean, besides from seeing him at school."

"I see." He put his tools away, stepping back. "Everything seems fine, but you are still somewhat fragile. So be _careful._"

"Yeah…I know…" I hopped of off the exam table, walking swiftly past him. When I reached the door, I paused, looking back at him. "Hatori…" I said.

"Yes? Kanae?"

I pondered what I was going to say. My eyes were locked on him while I tried to sense his aura. It too was changing. I could glimpse a brightening shimmer. "Thank you."


	18. The New

(A/N) Here is the next chapter as promised! The next one might take a while as I have hardly anything written for it. The rest after that should be smooth sailing as this little story draws to a close.

Thanks again for reading!

* * *

It was my birthday, and I felt rather unenthused. Nothing much ever happened for my birthdays. Misaki would get me a present or so, and I might meet up with Kagura at her house and have a somewhat awkward party as she constantly tried to drag Kyou in.

I wasn't really feeling that this year, I wanted to get out of Sohma house, and get breath of fresh air, far from the stench of the curse.

I remembered something, or someone rather. Tamaki-kun, I wanted to see him. I really did enjoy the first time we really hung out. I didn't feel on the edge of a panic attack the whole time (minus the part where we saw Ayame.) He had given me his number after all…where on earth did I put it…

I pulled the carefully folded piece of paper out of my jacket pocket, unfolding it in my hands and reading again what I had written there. "Kyouhara Tamaki's number…" I held it tightly in my hand and left my room to go down stairs calling to Misaki. "Momm…Where's that cell phone you bought me?"

She was reading a book in the living room as usual. "Hmm? What was that?"

"Cell phone, didn't you buy me a cell phone for my birthday?"

She looked a little shocked. "Yes but, how did you-"

"Mom, I can read you better than anyone. Can I see it please? I actually need to use it."

Her face lit up, I knew what she was thinking. "Have a call to make?"  
I scoffed impatiently. "Yes mom, _quickly_ before I lose my nerve."

She grinned, standing up and walking to the kitchen where she had hidden my present. The box was carefully wrapped in silver paper with a silver bow. I smiled despite myself.

"Here you go, Kane-chan." She smiled.

I took the package in my hands. "Thanks…_mom_."

"Now, c'mon open it! You already know what it is!"

I nodded, removing the wrapping carefully to reveal the box itself. The device depicted a fancy enough looking phone, but I had no idea if it was any good or not.

"It's the newest model, the very best for my _little girl_." She said, partly joking.

I let out a laugh. "Okay sure. Can you help me set it up? I've never even touched one of these things."

She gave a sigh. "I don't know if that means I succeeded or failed as a mother."

I laughed a little more. "It doesn't matter now. What matters is that you tried."

After a good 30 minutes of pouring over the near-useless instruction manual, we finally got the phone to bleep on, and I even entered contacts for my mother and Kagura's home and cell numbers.

"Now, do you still have his number?"

"How do you know it's a he?"

She shrugged. "Call it a mother's intuition."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "I have Kyouhara-kun's number right here." I took the paper out and dialled in the number. My thumb hovered hesitantly over the call button.

"What are you waiting for?" She asked with a too-bright smile.

"I'm going to my room."

She put a hand over her mouth and giggled like a school girl. "Oooooh! Kane's got a _boyfriend_."

"See? This is _exactly_ why I'm leaving!"

Misaki continued to tease me until she was out of earshot.

When I got to my room, I pulled the phone up and looked at the screen again. I swear it was mocking me, with its stupid blinky screen. I sighed, taking a deep breath and hitting SEND.

It rang three times before he picked up.

"Hello? Tamaki speaking!" I could hear his damn smile over the phone.

"Ah, Kyouhara-kun? It's Kanae from school."

"Ah! Kanae-san! Good to hear from you! What is the occasion?" It was so weird how his voice was corrupted by the crappy phone speaker. It took me a moment to even recognise the voice as his.

"My birthday, actually."

"Oh! Well, if I had known, I would have called you!"

"No you wouldn't have. I just got this phone today." My tone was deadpan, while I cracked a small smile.

He laughed. "You're right of course. But it's the thought that counts."

"Well, on that note." Was I asking him out? Was that what this was? "I don't really have anything else planned so…" How am I supposed to do this? Just go right out and say it? Is that strange?

"So, what?" He encouraged.

"Do you…I…"

"…Yes?"

"_DoyouwanttogetMonjawithme_!?" I blurted. Instantly feeling embarrassed.

He laughed again. "Sure, that sounds great, do you have somewhere in mind?"

"Yes…yes I do." I told him the address and we arranged a time to meet that afternoon. It was so easy that it almost didn't seem real. I sighed as I looked in the mirror. Was I supposed to dress up? At the very least I should comb my hair, maybe put it up. Wear something clean and wash my face.

Just I was about to leave, the doorbell ring. I didn't even know we had a doorbell. It was though an actual _bell _that had to be _rung _with the small hammer that hung from a chain. "Happy birthday Kana-chan!" I saw the present before I actually saw her, I peaked around the rather large package. "Kagura?"

"Yes it's me, _silly_!" She was radiant and smiling. Obviously excited about what she got me.

"I was about to go out, can it wait?"

"Yes your boring can wait I think!" She said indignantly.

"It's...it's not an errand…" I shook my head. "I'm meeting someone, and I don't want to miss my train."

"Meeting someone…?" She was utterly confused. "Who?"

"A boy from school…" She suddenly rushed forward, grabbing me by the arm and dragging me inside.

"If you're meeting a _boy _then you definitely need my gift!"

"Wh-wha?"

Misaki hardly looked up from her book when we stormed past.

"Hi Misaki-obasan."

"Hello—Kagura-chan."

She dragged me up to my room, slamming the door a little too hard, and then turned to look at me, shoving the package in my hands.

"Were you seriously going to meet a boy in _that?_"

"What?" I pulled at the plain grey sweater I was wearing. "It's comfy."

"Yeah but it's not _sexy._"

"Sexy? Kagura, it's not a _date_. I don't need a makeover or anything!"

"See, that's where you're wrong! Open your present!"

I grumbled, peeling open the wrapping. "Whatever, we can take too long, because I'm supposed to meet him in an hour." It was a plain garment box, I opened the box and saw a mess of pale-blue fabric. "A…dress?" I said as I pulled it out, holding it up to the light. It was about shin-length, made from a light, gauzy material. It had half-length sleeves that were wide and draped a bit.

"Do you still have that Parasol that I got you last year? It should match it perfectly. And the shoes I got you the year before."

"How _long_ have you been planning this?" I questioned.

She just smiled, shoving me towards my changing screen that I had for…_some_ reason. "Just hurry up and change! You said that you didn't want to be late!"

I complied. I slipped easily into the dress, it was very soft and comfortable. I placed my discarded garments in my closet and dug into the back where the parasol and shoes hid. I put the shoes on and unfurled the parasol.  
"C'mon! Lemme see it!"

Kagura gave an over-exaggerated gasp when I emerged.

"Uwaa!" She exclaimed.

"Kagura…" I groaned. I probably looked ridiculous.

"You look so _cute _Kana-chan! I know that your date will love it!"

"It's not a-" I gave up. Walking over to my bed and grabbing my purse. "I'm going now but…" I paused, looking over at her. "Thanks…Kagura."

We met in front of the restaurant. I was afraid that I had over-dressed, but he was dressed in his usual rich-kid style. A damn sweater-fest and dark blue button down. Oddly enough we kinda matched. In more ways than one.

"After you…" He said whilst opening the door for me. I nodded in thanks.

He was very extremely polite. The two of us sat down, and made our orders. Luckily we caught the shop at a one of its less busy times. However much I loved Monja, a crowded atmosphere would be enough to ruin it for me.

"What's wrong with you." I asked abruptly.

"I—I'm sorry?"

"There has to be something wrong with you. Seriously you're freaking me out, were you grown in a lab or something?"

"Actually yes. It's quite common these days, In-vitro fertilization."  
I scowled. "This is ridiculous. You're a test-tube baby too? "

"Yup." He gave a cheeky grin, leaning his face forward on his hands. "I fail to see how that's relevant to anything." He raised an eyebrow.  
"It just sounds…_rich._"

"Honestly, what is it with you and rich people? Aren't you rich?"

I sipped some of my drink. "My family is, that doesn't mean I am. We get enough to get by."

"Doesn't your dad work in the company?"

"Probably, I have no idea. I've never even met my father."

"Did he leave or something?"

"No, he's a Sohma, he's around. He never cared about me though. My birth-mom just seduced him to try and get power, but she lost out."

"That…must be rough."

"I don't see my birth-mom either."

"Huh, the Sohma family sure is interesting, though I've never really bothered to ask before." He smiled sheepishly. "What's it like for the others, if you don't mind my asking."

I shrugged. "I imagine that Yuki would say the same thing about his father."

"Jeez! Is that just a thing with Sohma men?"

"…N-no…I mean the _exact same thing. _Because we have the same father."

"Wh-? Oh."

An amused grin appeared on my face. "Is it really that shocking? I mean, there's a reason I didn't tell you at school."

"I still think it was _rude_ to lie to me."

"I _didn't_ lie to you."

"Yeah you _did_. You said that you were first-cousins, you made that distinction from the others like Kyou and Hatsuharu. I supposed you're also related like they are."

"No, we're _also_ first-cousins. Our mothers were sisters and we have the same father."

"So…does that make you siblings or…?"

"I honestly don't know. Haru likes to call us 'Three-quarter siblings'."

He laughed. Leaning back in his chair. "Yeah I guess that makes sense."

I smiled. "The thing is…we were mostly kept separate. The main house didn't like to advertise the rampant infidelity amongst the family."

"I can understand that."

"So, is that all you want to know? Because talking about my family makes me depressed."

"If you want, I can tell you about my family?" He laughed.

"How about you tell me about _yourself_. You never answered my question."

"Oh, that." He grinned sheepishly. "Well, it may have something to do with the fact that I was introduced to the world of parasitic relationships at the ripe-old age of 13."

"Oh."

He grinned. "It's okay, I wouldn't be telling you if I weren't okay with discussing it."

"What, was it older girl who just wanted you because of your money?"

"Bingo!" He kept smiling, resting his arms on the table. "And it didn't help that I was one of those early bloomers."

"Ah."

"Yeah, I've basically been this handsome ever since I hit puberty." He have a cheeky grin that faded astonishingly fast. I was expecting darkness, but I didn't feel it. There was only…remorse.

"Tamaki-kun." I began. "Do you want to go somewhere else now? I'm finished eating."

"Sure thing."

We stood up, and he insisted on paying for the both of us, on the grounds that it was my birthday. It still felt like he was treating a date. But I didn't mind.

Autumn still hadn't quite ended, but the winter was fast-approaching and everyone could feel it. I instantly regretted dressing so lightly.

"You cold?" He asked.  
"A bit, it's my own fault for letting Kagura talk me into this ridiculous get up."

"I wouldn't say it's _ridiculous_ just, impractical."

"_Thanks._" I said with a small glare as I shivered in the breeze.

"C'mon, let's go inside. Somewhere a little quieter, as I believe you would prefer."

"Thanks…"

He ushered me inside a small little tea shop. It was traditional-style with low-tables and sitting mats. Something that was so familiar to me that I didn't mind at all. I was trained so that I could kneel for hours and hours upon end without a single complaint.

"Tamaki-kun," I began after we sat down after ordering. He sat up straight, looking attentive, waiting to answer. "You really confuse me."

"Happy to oblige." He said with his light touch of humour.

I gave a small exasperated sigh. "See? That's what I mean! You're so _goddamn_ cheery, and yet you _don't_ piss me off."

"You _sound_ pissed off."

"I'm pissed off because I'm confused. And I don't like being confused."  
"Duly noted."

I sighed again. "So, you had a crappy ex-girlfriend then. That should make you like…coarse, or bitter!"

He laughed. "_Should _it now?"

"…yes."

"Well, sorry to disappoint you." He kept smiling.

I was trying to think of a way to ask him without mentioning my ability. I had no idea how he would react, was I…scared? Scared that he would reject me?

I screwed up my mouth. "But really…I want to know, exactly what happened."

The waitress came with our tea. Tamaki had ordered some sophisticated blend, while I got just plain, black tea.

He took a sip before speaking. "I really don't mind, but I do find it interesting that you're so curious. It seems to me that you take great pain to remain _mysterious_ and impassive." He said.

"Well, I have some things that I can tell you in return, if it comes to that." I said probably a bit too seriously.

He burst out laughing again. "Wow, sorry, I guess you're the serious type then." He covered his mouth. "I'm sorry, forgive me. I don't mean to be rude." He paused, his laughter dying suddenly. "First off, it wasn't just one crappy ex-girlfriend, it was _several_." His normally warm brown eyes cloud over, and his aura grew dull. "It was enough at least, to make me give up and "romance" completely."

I tilted my head to the side. "I'm still confused."

He gave a short chuckle. "I'm sure you are." He turned his gaze to me. "So, as a reassurance, I don't think of this as a "date". It's your birthday, I suppose you wanted something different?"

"Yeah…" I didn't want him to stop, I wanted to keep hearing about his past. The mystery felt far vaster than what he was letting on. "I spend so much time at Sohma house…and, all of my friends are Sohmas, so I suppose I just sorta acted on impulse."

"There's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes it's good to be impulsive."

I laughed. "Yeah, especially with the kind of upbringing I had."

He nodded, still smiling. "So, what was it you were going to tell me in return?"

"Not so fast, that was hardly enough."

He chuckled. "Okay, well what else did you wanna know?"

I paused. "Well, I mean, was it just that the girls were mean to you or…"

"They…they mostly just played me for my position I think. I was far too naïve to know any better. Especially since my father was always hanging around lots of women, I had no one to tell me what I was supposed to do. I kept being told "be a gentleman" or "be a man" but I was _thirteen, _I was a kid, and those woman…just expected me to be a man." He sighed. "Is that…to your satisfaction?"

It took me a while to respond, then I nodded. "Y-yeah." I honestly didn't expect that much detail. Though I was grateful, that meant I wouldn't be able to hold back too much.

"Okay! _Now _it's your turn!" He grinned.

_What am I going to tell him? He knows about Yuki, maybe about Haru? I can't tell him about the curse. What about my empathy? Would he even believe that?_

"Um…" I began. "Well, I did tell you about my family, I suppose I can tell you about…" I looked him straight in the eyes. "Just promise you won't laugh or anything, I'm gonna try to explain this as best I can."

He nodded. "I promise."

"Well, for starters, the Sohma family is, very ridged in its tradition. Hierarchy and birth right play a large part as well as…um…_talent._" I looked down, concentrating. "It's all dreadfully complicated, but the gist I'm trying to get to is that I'm not…_like other people._"

"Well of course you aren't!" He said brightly.

"Please, Tamaki, I'm being _serious_." I sighed. "I mean, as weird as it may sound, I'm an Empath."

He paused, pondering. "Is it anything like that Hanajima girl? With her waves?"

I scowled. "Geez, I almost forgot about her, but…I _suppose_." I turned away. "Just, come on, this is a really big deal for me. I've never really had to explain it to anyone outside the Sohma family."

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry." He smiled. "Go on."

I sighed. "To put it simply, basically I can sense other people's emotions just like anyone else can hear or smell. It is just that, a sixth sense."

"Oh…" he gave a pondering look. "So…that explains why you have trouble with crowds…"

I nodded. "It's like everyone is screaming at the top of their lungs all at once. I can get myself to ignore it sometimes, but at other times…"

"…it just becomes too much?"

"…yeah." I said softly.

"I see…" His face brightened. "I'm glad that you were able to trust me, Kanae-san."

I wasn't able to suppress the blush this time. He was just so damn _charming. _

"You're…welcome?"

I really like it, just _being_ with him. It is a little sick, but he kinda reminds me of White Haru, just, with how he makes me feel relaxed. That is something that i've never been able to have without a price. So perhaps, my dues would have to be payed soon enough.l


	19. The Loved

(A/N) BACKSTORY TIME~~

Alright, technically this is chapter 20, and I'm redacting chapter 19 for now until the next revision since it was barely even outlined. Since this story runs with a kind of vignette style, it's not overly important to the overall story. It was simply a segment including things about the culture fest. Expect it in the future!

* * *

I arrived somewhat late. I was just going to stay home, but Misaki insisted that I come here, to the Dojo. More specifically Shishou's home that lay adjacent. It was chilly, I was wrapped in coat with a scarf to protect my vocal chords. It didn't matter if I wasn't singing at the banquet, I still wanted to be _able_ to sing.

He greeted me at the door pleasantly. "Sorry again Shishou, for imposing."

"Not at all Kanae. You know that you are always welcome here."  
I smiled. "Then I guess I can just say thank you."

"I'm glad you also decided to come, it's almost like we're having a little party of our own."

"Oh?"

"Kyou, Tohru-kun and Rin are also here."

"…Oh." They were all occupied on their own it seemed. "Did I miss dinner?"

"Yes, but there are some leftovers I saved for you when Misaki-chan called me." It was weird to hear him call my mother that. But he and Misaki and known each other a very long time.

"Speaking of my mother, I had some things I wanted to ask you."

* * *

We sat down in his traditional sitting room. It was like he was my father, and I was asking his permission for something. He was honestly the closest thing to a father-figure I'd even had.

"I know, I should probably be asking my mother about this, but…" I paused, trying to concentrate on the memory. In that moment I had sensed something I never had before. Misaki's aura was one that I had grown so used to it that I hardly noticed it. She was normally such a warm yellow hue, and I felt some the omnipresent shadow bubble to the surface. "You've known her a really long time, and…"

"It's okay, you can ask me anything." Shishou was the same. A darker and brighter gold than Misaki, but still so very similar. It was common for people who have been so close for so long to have similar Auras. One will tend to reflect the ones they are close too.

"She just…I know she had some experience with the Sohma curse that drove her to sympathise with me, sorta like you and Kyou." He didn't seem to like that dark time being brought up. Back when he was motivated by guilt. "Sorry, it was just an example. But, she mentioned a _brother…_and there was something about it that made me too scared to ask her…so…"

He sighed, anyone else would be regretting his promise to answer anything, but Kazuma was different. "I understand why you wouldn't ask Misaki, but she would have told you, I think."

"Mm-hmm."

"No need to feel guilty, child. It's not like you're going behind her back, but, it _is_ something that brings her great pain."

I nodded.  
"She has a younger half-brother. Estranged from her and born for the same vain reason that you were."

"Yeah, she mentioned that…but…why would they be separated…unless…" My eyes widened. "Is he…actually _cursed_?"

"Yes, you may know him as Kureno-san." _Kureno..?!_

"Of all of the Juunishi..."

"Hm?"  
"Oh, nothing." Kazuma probably didn't know. He was very wise and new much about the curse, but that dark secret was kept from almost everyone.

"So…that's why she adopted me? Because, I reminded her of herself?"

"In a way. She was never close to her parents. They didn't care very much, and so she was raised mostly by other Sohma parents, like my parents."

"Oh, I knew you grew up together but…"

"Yes, Misaki and I grew up almost like siblings. She came to the Dojo every day and was taught strictly by my father."

"Can you…can you tell me more about what she was like?" I was very curious. She was such a kind and understanding mother now, and I wondered how.

"Certainly." He smiled warmly. "It's funny, because she was not much different from how you were."

"Really?"

"Yes, she was…_actually,_ a bit worse." He laughed.

"…how so?"

"She was a bit more _adventurous. _Her temperament was the same, seemingly indifferent while not hesitating to beat those she felt deserved it."

I let out a small laugh. "I guess, that's why she was concerned about my displays of violence…"

"Yes, indeed." I suddenly remembered something.

"Uhm…" I blinked. "Did you have a friend named…Shiori?"

He seemed slightly surprised. "Yes…how did you-"

"Kyou…told me…"

"Ah, that's quite the round-about way to hear about it. Since, that is _definitely _something that Misaki-chan wouldn't mention."

"Yeah, I know…" I said a little resentfully.

"All of us have things that we would rather hide, yes?" Now that he mentioned it, I was never fully honest with Misaki either…

"I just…I would like to know what happened but…"

He raised a hand to reassure me. "It's alright, I'll tell you but…" He smiled, tilting his head slightly. "If Misaki finds out told you, she'll be very angry." And that was an understatement as far as I could tell.

I nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"As a child, I spent most of my time here in the Dojo. As you know, my father was the Master before I was."

I nodded, allowing him to continue.

"Misaki was a lot like you at that age especially. Very independent and sometimes violent." He cracked a smile that quickly softened. "Her parents decided to enrol her in the Dojo as a way to help her control her anger." My mouth formed into a thin line at the memory.

He sighed. "That's right, she told you the same thing, didn't she?"

"Yeah…she did."

"Anyway…At that time, there was still that rule that kept boys and girls from sparring with each other. Even though there weren't any Zodiac children who were enrolled. It was more of a…traditional practice back then.

"Misaki was better than almost all of the other girl. All of them but for one…a girl who was also our age. Her name was Sohma Shiori."

That name. One that I had heard off and on…whispered, shouted, and hushed away. I had never met the woman, I had to assume that there was good reason for it.

He cleared his throat to get my attention again. "Oh…sorry."

"No need to apologise." His smile this time was a little strained. "Now…the two of them were bitter rivals for years. Constantly battling each other and competing in almost every aspect." He laughed. "Misaki would always come running to me to be the judge for their elaborate contests. Be it cross-country running or bread-eating."

I gave a small dry laugh at that. "Somehow, none of that surprises me."

He nodded. "It was like that all through elementary school and most of middle school. Despite Misaki and Shiori's constant competitiveness, the three of us ended up becoming inseparable. The three of us made sure to all apply for the same high schools. We all got into Kobayashi in its first year of being a co-ed school.

He sighed, his face falling a bit. "High school is where you will probably find most of your answers I think. During our first year, Misaki started to become violent and distant again. She would cut class and disappear for days on end, only showing up at my doorstep exhausted and filthy. She hardly ever went back to her house, and eventually they kicked her out.

"She wouldn't tell me anything for the longest time. Not until we were about to graduate, and she ran to me in tears, telling me that she had been rejected. I had no idea what she meant since she was actually quite popular at school, and I knew that there were many boys that would have dated her including…including…" He put on another one of is controlled and serene smiles. "Well, what I felt at the time didn't really matter. What did was that it turned out that she had fallen in love with Shiori."

I'm sure that he expected me to be surprised, so I did my best to feign it. But I don't think that he was convinced.

"Everything that happened after that is better left for a different time I think. That is who Shiori was. That is what she was to me and your Mother."

"I see." I said. "Thank you Kazuma, for telling me what you did."

"I really think that you should ask Misaki. She would be able to give you more…_emotional _commentary."

"I won't press. I'm sure she just wants to forget about most of that."

"Though that may be true, there's still many things that she needs to face about that time."

"Mm." I replied, looking up at him. "Kazuma…I have something to tell you."

"Yes? What is it child."

"Well…it may not be my place to say but…" My hands twisted together. "No matter what my mother may say or do, she really does care about you." I met his eyes firmly. "And whatever you may regret about not being able to help her raise me; thanks to you just being there for us, some over the first colours that filled my world were those of love." My fists clenched over my knees. "I'm…I'm really lucky to have known a world of warmth." I could feel my throat tightening. How could I ever repay them? If fate had just run it's course, I would know the same darkness that Yuki did, and then I would have been happy to just rot away in Sohma house.

Kazuma didn't say anything at first. He just stood up and walked towards me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Come now. No need to thank me." He smiled brightly, and warmly. The smile that I was used to. "Come with me. I'm sure you're very hungry by now."

I smiled, joining him.

* * *

After I had eaten, I opted for sitting out in the garden, alone. There weren't any trees here large enough to support my weight, so I just sat on an old stone bench. There were short trees and brush the obscured me from the outside world, but not it from me. I saw beyond sight. Kyou and Tohru were on the roof; Kazuma and Kunimitsu were indoors, and Isuzu was sitting near the entry way. All I had to do was to stand and I would be able to see her.

But, what I was here to see was the stars. The dark blue was beginning to pale with the first dawn of the New Year.

I never really had any new year's wishes when I was a child. The New Year normally supplied bad memories for me. But I think, that this year…I had a desire. One that was vast enough that some mythical power might be required to intervene.

I thought about all of the Juunishi. About Sohma House; The people like me and Kotoko; the parents and relatives that were dragged along. This vast and unbroken web of jealousy and pain.

I wanted it all to vanish.

I wanted the spirits to return to their own world. Their desire was futile. They were never able to achieve their wish, so they only dragged down the souls of countless others.

I didn't just want the curse to broken;

I wished that it had never even existed.

Maybe then I could be happy. Maybe then I would be able to still be friends with Haru. Maybe I would have had a good home life, but then…If I was born merely because of the curse…would that mean that I had never been born?

So be it then. If it means that these tortured souls could have their lives back, than I would be fine never being born.

Maybe then, my soul would find a way into this world through love instead of hate.

* * *

I blinked. The sky still growing lighter. In the distance I could feel another presence approaching. I stood up, peeking over the brush to the doorway where Isuzu was still sleeping.

Haru appeared out of the darkness. He tucked her in, and gave her comfort.

There was a dull ache, but no pain. I wasn't jealous of Rin, I never was. Loving Haru wasn't easy, perhaps it would be worth it for her in the end.

There was some poetic beauty. That, despite all of the rampant pain and suffering, somehow, those two found each other; and in this imperfect world, they still found a dull glimmering light.

I dared not make my presence known. I went deeper in to the brush and waited. Waited until blue conquered the sky.

I must have fallen asleep there, because when I awoke, I was inside coiled in a blanket. I need not ask who did that, for I somehow knew. It was warm. A warm lingering gold. A dull light in the darkness.


	20. The Broken

(a/n) guys this is the third-to-last chapter. I really hope that the ending doesn't suck. im trYING

*weeps*

* * *

"Kanae Sohma." He sneered. "Little miss second best."

I kneeled on the matt before him, going through the expected motions as always. "Why did you ask to see me?"

"I am very disappointed. I thought your duty as a Kiireji was clear." Something was different, very different. Akito never asked for me before, he only address the Kiireji as a group. He made it very clear that we were of very little value.

"Did you hear me…_wretch_." I remained silent, not willing to indulge his anger. "I don't _like _being ignored, worthless woman."

"And I don't _like _being insulted." I saw him twitch at my reply.

"What was that?" His black gaze turned to me, I met it unblinking. I saw something there that I didn't quite expect. Instead of more of the blistering darkness, I swear I felt something…else come through, but only for an instance.

I had been hearing how Akito had been becoming more and more unhinged as of late. She would go from veracious to completely vulnerable in a matter of seconds.

_Wait…why did I call him a…she—_

My thoughts were quickly quashed by a burst of black flame from the massive demon that lurked in Akito's body. It occurred to me then that I had only ever felt the Aura of that "god". Never had I known the colour of it's vessel.

He darted forward, hissing in rage, his hand clamped around my wrist, _burning_ like a hot Iron. I let out a pained shriek, recoiling in agony.

"Your secret is safe with me Kanae…no one else can use this to hurt you if you just _stay where you belong._" His other hand pressed against my cheek, his nails digging into my skin. That pain was nothing compared to the _agony _caused by just him being so close.

"Akito, you don't _own me. _The curse is falling apart, and soon I'll be gone just like _everyone_ else."

He cried out, tossing me to the ground, and he began kicking me. He was manic. Nothing was going right for him, everything he believed in was falling to pieces. I could only take so much, but I struggled to keep consciousness.  
When he finally withdrew, I had one last glimpse of the word around me. Black. Rippling waves that engulfed me. Each of my senses succumbing one by one, until I had blacked out.

* * *

When I finally woke up, I didn't know that I was awake at first. The darkness just continued as I opened and closed my eyes in vain. I tried to stand up, but I was still very weak, and only collapsed again on the ground letting out a pained cry. I crawled forward, groping for a wall or _something. _My fingertips brushed against solid wood, and I felt along the floor, looking for the edge of a door or something. The outer hallway had to be dark since there was no light.

_Wait, I know where I am. This is…Yuki's…_

My thoughts were cut off by a sharp pain in my ribs. Just moving around to look hurt me greatly. It seemed like my ribs were badly bruised.

I cried out again, holding the injured area, and I fell back to the ground. I was fully aware now, the adrenaline from my attack was gone.

I just lay there for a while, hoping for the pain to stop. Eventually I thought of a plan. I would just scoot myself around the room, slowly, kicking on the wall until I found the door. Even if the door was locked, it had to give at least a little.

Slowly, I rotated myself around, touching my toes against the wall. I pushed myself closer and kicked.

It was solid, solid and heavy. I let out a groan as I dragged myself parallel to the wall, trying to go at least a metre before I tried again. I kicked again, nothing. Again, _nothing. Again, again, again, again._

After what felt like hours, I resorted to just jabbing at the wall when I could. Hoping to make some noise. I was too tired to be scared. The darkness comforted me, oddly enough. It was _pitch_ black, no auras around that I could sense. Though, it could have been just my exhaustion. It hurt. _Everything_ hurt. Akito's Aura had _burned_ me. I was numb to everything now. I was deaf to the spirits' voices after the screaming of _god _at my very being. The darkness of his soul had blinded me to their dancing colours.

Everything was black.

And I didn't mind.

* * *

_"Kanae."_

Was that a voice?

_"Kanae, wake up."_

I must be hearing things. I don't feel anyone nearby.

_"Kana-chan! Kana-chan wake up!"_

Kagura? Why was I hearing her?

_"Hey, Kanae."_

...Kyou?

_"Kanae-san!" _Yuki?

_"Nae-oneechan!"_

_"K-k-kanae!"_

_"Kane-chan…"_

_"Kanae-chan!"_

_"Imouto-chan!"_

_"Nezumi-san."_

My eyes shot open. White light overwhelmed me for a moment. Blobs of colour floated into view.

"Thank _god_, she's awake!" I heard someone say.  
"Nae-chan! Nae-chan can you hear me!?"

"Quiet down now, we don't want to stress her out."

I opened my mouth to speak, making a pathetic squeaking sound.

"It's okay Kanae, don't try to speak." My eyes finally focussed on the silver hair and gentle smiling face of Kazuma. When I looked around, I saw Yuki, Kagura and Momiji. All looking horridly worried.

"Nae-chan!" Momiji cried. He was clinging to Kagura who looked like she was about to cry. "You had us really worried!"

Kagura nodded, her face contorting. "Kana-chan," she said.

Yuki stepped closer, smiling at them. "Kanae-san, are you okay?" His voice was soft and very calming. "When I found you in that room, I—I feared the _worst_."

"You…you?" I tried to communicate the full query with my face alone. It seemed to work well enough.

"Yes I…I was passing by there, and found it odd that the door was closed. The room is designed only to be opened from the outside. I went in to find you…_collapsed_." I blinked slowly. "So, I brought you here. Hatori was here earlier and said that it was nothing serious, just some bruising to your ribs."

I heard the door open, and someone else enter. "Honestly Kanae, how do you keep getting hurt like this? You're one of the strongest people I know." _Kyou…_

I saw Yuki scowl. "Honestly Kyou. You should be a little more _delicate_."

"Yeah whatever." I could see him approach from behind them. "Momiji move over." Kagura dragged him to the side and Momi aimed a raspberry at Kyou.

"So, what the hell happened to you this time?"  
I opened my mouth to speak, but Yuki motioned that he would respond in my place. "She was summoned to see Akito, and it seems that he got violent again. He saw it fit to trap her in my old confinement room."

Kyou growled. "That bastard. He has no business dragging her into this."

I reached my hand to touch his arm. "Kyou…" I croaked. "It's alright."

"Like hell it's alright! Are you still gonna stay after this? What the hell are you thinking?!"  
"Kyou _shut up!_" I yelled, attempting to sit up. "Stop acting so _righteous_ about this when you won't leave yourself!" My voice caught. "I _am _leaving. I won't stay in that rotted-out shell anymore! And I wish I could say the same for _you_!" I glared. I knew he was going through something similar, but the guilt had such a tight grip on him that I feared he would _never_ break free.

I thrashed forward but Yuki and Momiji held me down.

"Kanae-chan, please calm down." Momiji said. The deeper tone of his voice putting me at ease. He looked sternly and Kyou. "Kyou, I think you should leave."

He looked at me, his expression strange. He didn't want to be angry, but he just didn't know how else to react.

"Whatever." He said. "I'm glad you're alright." He turned on his heel suddenly. Momiji and Kagura called after him in annoyance, while I relaxed back into the bed. I drifted off.

In my dream, _he _was looming over me, and I snapped to. Realising that it wasn't a dream.

"Haru. I'm going to just pretend you're not there."

"But I am here."

"Yes. That's why I need to pretend."

He was sitting on the edge of my bed, like Yuki had been hours ago. "Who let you in here?"

"Everyone's asleep."

"So…you _broke_ in." I rolled over on my side, looking up at him. My hand brushed against him and I felt something strange.

"Haru."

"Do I feel different to you? Because… I _feel_ different."

"Did…did something happen?"

"Rin was trapped in Sohma house too you know. Akito had her trapped in the cat's isolation room."

"How's that for a coincidence." I muttered into the blankets.

"Akito…he…he made me realise…" I saw his hand go to his face. "He made me realise…how much pain Rin had gone through…just to protect me."

I sighed. "I _tried _to tell you."

"I…I was so selfish. I let myself get out of control I hurt her, and I hurt you…I hurt a lot of people."

I had to refrain from snickering. He just sounded so out of character. "And the point is that _Akito_ of all people made you realise this."

The worst part was, there was a part of me still wanted to be with him. I still wanted to touch him. Even though logically, the fact that he was 1000% with Rin now should deter me, it didn't.

My hand took his gently, and he looked down at me. "Kanae?"

"Shh…" I said, closing my eyes. My other hand reached out to him, wanting to confirm what I was feeling. "Haru..." I began, my hand making contact with his chest, when I could feel him heartbeat. "Haru. Is that…_you_?"

"Kanae…what are you talking about?"

I was about to speak, but my words were overcome.

"Do you mean…?"

"Haru, you need to leave." I tore my hands away, refusing to look at him.

"Kanae, what is it? Are you in pain?"

"Haru, please just go."

"But-"

"**_Go!_**" I shrieked, flailing at him as tears streamed down my face. Someone would've had to have heard me. I didn't look at him as he left. But he _felt_ sad, shocked and hurt. He had to feel that way. If I stayed around him I would fall in love with him for _real_. The spirit was leaving him, and his true colour was coming to fruition. A strange, glittering multi-faceted hue. One that I would be content to look at for the rest of my life. That was what made it hurt even more.

After he left, I heard footsteps approaching me.

"Kanae? Kanae what's wrong?" It was Kazuma. His warmth and concern filling the room.

"Sorry I—I just had a nightmare…" I did, actually.

He sighed, relieved. "I shouldn't be surprised, given what you had to go through."

"I-, I'm sorry to have woken you."

Kazuma placed a hand gently on my shoulder. "It's perfectly fine. I'm just glad that you're alright."

I gave him a weak smile. "Thanks…thanks for…everything."


	21. The Free

(a/n) *high-pitched screaming* SECOND TO LAST CHAPTERRRRRRR

* * *

Spring was on its way by now. I was up and walking again within a few days, just in time to see some of the first Cherry Blossoms come into view. The light pinks and greens springing forth from the winter that was now behind us. The people around, in the streets and at school reflected a similar kind of change. Everyone's' spirits seemed to pick up when the longer hours of daylight came around.

It was universal. Even I was feeling a bit more relaxed and at ease, but I had a feeling, that the reason was quite different.

On the way home, I saw him walking alone. At first I didn't recognise him. I hadn't seen him much since his growth spurt, and there was something else about him that had drastically changed. I knew it was coming, I had felt this shit coming ever since I learned about Kureno, but none-the-less, I felt my heart soar and break at the same time when it fully sunk in.

"…Momiji…?" I was almost overcome, but managed to keep my composure as I quickened my pace to meet him.

"…'Nae-neechan." He gave me a sad but warm smile. "How are you?"

"Momiji…you…your…" I looked…_up_ at him. This was even weirder than when Haru or _Kyou_ grew. "Momiji, who else knows?"

"Just Kyou, I had to tell him."

"But, what about Tohru-san?" I had surmised by now how the now, _former_ rabbit felt about the strange girl, as well as how Kyou felt.

"I'll tell her soon, soon enough."

I walked alongside him. "Momiji…why don't you pursue her?"

"How can I? I would just end up making her unhappy, and that's something that would hurt more than not being with her." Her eyelids fell sadly.

"You feel…" I struggled to grasp what he was feeling. It shouldn't be that hard, since it was the ghostly shadow that had been suppressed for so long. Only now was it allowed fully emerge. "Momiji, you're _not_ alone…" I grasped at his arm, but he jerked away.  
"No, I am. The only thing keeping us together was that curse."

"And the only thing keeping you from Momo was that very same thing!" I said, my emotions rising. "Don't forget that! The spirit was a part of you, so naturally you will feel loss, but don't let that blind you to what is really happening!"

"Yeah, I suppose your right, Nae-neechan."

I was ending up in that strangely desperate state of mind, where I could never find the words to help someone I cared about. "I'm sorry…I know we've never been that close."

"It's okay Kanae, I'm not mad at you. I know some people could have found me annoying." _Ya think?_

"But…" I began to feel tears well up. "The curse…it's really breaking." I brought my hands to my face. "I—I never…" I felt a hand come to gently wipe away my tears. "Mo—Momi—" I let myself relax. Letting a few small happy tears fall.

"Y'know, I'm glad. I always hated that you were so affected by the curse, even though you weren't one of us."

I just nodded, making an affirming sound. I was becoming overwhelmed. In that moment, I could feel the curse lifting all over. The black stain were fading away. Soon they would all be free, and I would be too. "I can feel it…I can hear the spirits saying goodbye…goodbye to each other…goodbye to this world. They could never hold on forever. Nothing can."

I sobbed into my hands pathetically. Unable to control myself.  
"Nae! Nae-chan why are you crying?" He said, his voice cracking. Unused to its new deep tone.

"Momi, I'm fine I just." I looked up at the sky again. "I am happy it's gone but I still…I feel _sorry_ for them."

"For who?"  
"For the spirits. All they wanted was to be together…" I coughed, tears rolling down my face. I took a step towards Momiji, and he put his arms around me. I felt his hesitation, he probably instinctually feared transforming.

He gripped me rather tightly, beginning to tremble slightly.

"Shh…shh…" I soothed. "We don't _both _need to be breaking down, do we?"

He gave a small laugh. "Yeah, but…" he sniffled. "I…I feel like crying." His voice broke.

"Then go ahead. I've had my turn, you deserve yours."

* * *

"Kyou, what the _hell_ is going on?" I was hoping to visit the house that day and surprise them, but when I arrived, all I saw was Tohru being rushed away to the hospital by Hatori. I did my best to keep back, ending up shoved in a dismal corner with Kyou, who was moping like I'd never seen him before. "Kyou! Say something!"

His face was ashen pale, and he refused to meet my gaze. "C'mon. You look guilty as hell. You couldn't have done something to-"

I caught flash of something else in his emotions. "Kyou, _say something._ I'm not _actually_ a psychic!" I shook his shoulders, and he only flopped limply.

He really looked like he could use a hug. So at this point, I was completely useless to him.

"She…she…"

I shook my head. "C'mon. Let's get inside. If you're not going with her, there must be a reason. And I get the feeling the uh, _literal _feeling that you should tell me." I dragged him along by his arm inside to house. Letting him collapse at the Kotatsu while I went to scrounge up some tea.

When I returned, he was just sitting there, his head lulling and his eyes distant.

"Tea. _Drink_." I commanded. Setting it in front of him and taking my cup into my hands.

I swallowed, allowing for the silence to settle. "I know you're not much for talking. But, I can fill in the gaps if you at least give me some details."

"She…fell." Kyou said without touching his tea.

"Was it an accident?"

"…yeah…"

I took another sip. "Your guilt is pretty overbearing though. You didn't _push_ her or anything, so what are you moping about?" I set my tea down. "Drink it now. It will make you feel better I swear."

"I don't like black tea."

"That's why I made you green tea, asshole." I glared at him over my tea cup.

He just grunted, taking the tea into his hands reluctantly.

I set my cup down, watching him. I really wanted to know what was bothering him. I wanted to understand why his arms were ridged, and his leg was jittering. I was meant to be able to understand, and yet, the answers eluded me.

"I could ask Yuki later…" I began. "But Kyou, I want you to tell me."

He turned away, stretching his legs out in front of him.

"Just go ask Yuki then."

"Kyou. Are you even _listening-_" I snapped my mouth shut. Realising that I wasn't helping in the slightest. The last thing he needed right now was for his guilt to be rubbed in.

I sighed deeply, standing up.

"Idiot." I mumbled as I threw a blanket around his shoulders. He hardly reacted, h just kept sitting there. "Do you want me to stay?"

His shrug caused the blankets to slip a little. "Do what you want."

Which was Kyou-speak for _"yes"._

"I'll…I'll just make you something to eat."

I heard a small grunt in reply. I smiled, still glad that he was at the very least responding to me. I would ask Yuki later, and I would get those answers. But for now, there were still something that only Kyou could truly help me understand.

* * *

"So…it was a _curse_…but now it's _broken._" Tamaki said in belated understanding.

I nodded. "Seems a little anti-climactic, huh?"

"I…suppose." Tamaki said, blinking slowly. "I'm just, glad that you trusted me enough."

"Well," I began. "There really isn't anything stopping me now. The Sohma Family has lost its power over me."

"I still don't fully understand why _you_ were affected though. You aren't, weren't-"

I placed a hand gently on his forearm. "It doesn't really matter now, because it's _over_."

"I suppose not." He consented.

"The only annoying thing is that without my extended empathy I won't be able to tell if people are approaching me."

He gave me an odd look. "You still have eyes and ears don't you?"

"Yeah…but those are quite limited in comparison."

He seemed to be on to something. "Here, what does that sign say?"

"What sign?" I looked out the window at the street, all blurs and shapes at this distance.

"The one across the street, on that blue building."

"Blue? They all look grey to me. And how do you expect me to read anything this far away?"

"…it's hardly 6 metres…"

"That sign is a bastard."

He sighed his a small grin. "First order of business is we get you to a good optometrist."

"What, you think I need _glasses_?"

"Yes, I _do_. If you can't read that big bold-lettered billboard from 6 metres. You may very well just need robot eyes."

I scowled. "Then what the hell have I been going to Hatori for all this time? 18 years he never once gave me an eye exam. I'm gonna kick his ass."

"Well, come on. You can kick his ass better when you can see it in the _first_ place."

I huffed. "Fine. But I'm still sending the bill to the Main House."

"Suit yourself. You just have to let me help you pick out the frames."

"Hell no." I stood up, waving to the waitress. "I'm getting contacts, if anything."

"Aww…I think you'd look cute in glasses!"

"_Exactly._" I turned on my heel. Walking to go pay for our meal. "Don't even try to be gentlemanly, Kyouhara, I'm paying."

"_Very well._" I couldn't tell his feelings right away, not until he re-joined me at my side.

"Tamaki." I grumbled. "Don't stand so close."

"Oh, so _now _you're calling me Tamaki."

"So what if I am. You've been calling me by my first name since we first met."

"That's the point."

We left, walking out into the busy streets. I found myself walking freely. My face turned towards the sky.

"I suppose, things are really changing."

I glanced back at Tamaki. Smiling at him. "I'm still thankful you know." I jogged back towards him, taking his wrist gently.

"For what?"

"For noticing, and helping me; and for not pressing for answers."

"No problem." He took that opportunity to interlace his fingers with mine. "You don't need to thank me, Kanae."

I rolled my eyes playfully at him. "I don't _need _to do a lot of things." I squeezed his hand. "Same with you, I think. It's not like you _needed _to help me when you did."

"But…" he began, pondering my meaning.

"You did anyway, and that's the point." I nudged him lightly. "It's a curious thing. And I'm glad."

His mouth screwed up. "You're still not making much sense."

"I know." I admitted. "Hopefully I will in time. There's still so many things that I need to understand." I said wistfully.

"Well, _good_." He replied. "Because, when you run out of things to understand, that means you're dead."

I gave him an odd look. "I rather…_curt _way of putting it but, I see your point."

He grinned. "It's something that my uncle used to tell me."

Questions suddenly blossomed in my head, but I thought it best to post-pone my inquiries for now, opting instead to just smile, and pull my stride a little closer. "Your uncle sounds like an interesting man."

"…so he was."

* * *

(a/n) yeah shh I only thought of this recently, it's going in the next revision. But Kanae is blind as a bat and needs glasses.

And 6 metres is about 20 feet.


End file.
